The Things We Hide
by Akasha Ravensong
Summary: All of his pain became mine to bear. He gave it all to me, in the form of bruises. Hermione goes home one summer and everything changes. How will she cope at Hogwarts during the new year? Most importantly, who will save her from herself? SS/HG, GW/DM
1. Chapter One

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The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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Disclaimer: I DO NOT own the potterverse. I just like to play with it and fdestroy.. umm did I say destroy... umm... I meant that I like to change it to suit my own purposes... Yea that's it! 

Summary: A recent reviewer asked me for a more detailed summary for this story, so here it is!

The Things We hide is a story about Hermione and Severus. Hermione's parents are going through a divorce and her father kinda looses it and treats Hermione very badly. Hermione realizes that she has been living her life a certain way because she has always been trying to live up to people's expectations of herself, but she's never truely lived for herself. That's about to change.

Throughout this story you see Hermione trying to find her own path and trying to cope with what her father has done to her. Severus ends up being the one person who truely understands what she is going through, even better then she herself does. Hermione ends up opening up to Ginny as well, reaffirming their somewhat shaky friendship. Hermione also befriends Blaise and Draco fairly early on in the story. As a result the whole Slytherin house accepts her as one of their own, and through her they accept Ginny.

The things that each character hides from themselves and from the rest of the world will slowly be revealed. The question is will each character be able to accept those truths as they are revealed, or will the break allow those truths to break them? Is true happiness within thier reach?

Love and Light,  
Raven Lynne

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"We wear the mask that grins and lies,  
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,This debt we pay to human guile;  
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile...

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries  
To thee from tortured souls arise.  
We sing, but oh the clay is vile  
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,  
We wear the mask!"

Excerpt from: We wear the mask, by Paul Lawrence Dunbar

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Chapter One

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Hermione hummed a melody to herself as she foraged through her cabinets looking for a snack. The cabinets were mostly empty, her father hadn't gone grocery shopping in a very long time, and he hadn't given her any money recently to go shopping for anything. Pulling a cup from the cupboard, she filled it with water from the tap, and tried not to make a face at the taste. The water definitely had a funny taste compared to the water she was used to drinking at Hogwarts, or the store-bought distilled water her mother used to buy. 

She was getting ready to walk out of the room when her father walked in. She had to struggle to avoid crashing into him and not spilling her water. He wasn't watching where he was going. She turned to leave quietly hoping that he had not noticed her at all, and was almost to the stairs before he remembered that he had seen her.

"Useless girl! He screamed angrily. "Hermione! Get your ass into this Kitchen right now."

Damn, Hermione thought. All well, best get this over with. Her father had been very testy and easily angered lately, and Hermione had been taking the brunt of his anger in meaningless chores and punishments. She walked into the kitchen and plastered a fake smile on her face.

"Explain yourself girl!"

"I'm having a snack Daddy." Hermione gestured to the half eaten granola bar she had found.

"That's not what I'm talking about! Look, look right there." He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around roughly and pointed to the sink. "Do you see those dishes there! Why aren't they done yet, hmmm?"

"Daddy, they're your dishes from last night after I went to bed. I wasn't going to do them until later today after we had lunch, that way I wouldn't have to do the dishes again until after dinner. Its easier then doing them a million times a day." She answered logically.

"OH you think you're smart do you now?" he snapped, getting his face right up next to hers.

Hermione held her breath so she wouldn't cough, his breath smelled of alcohol; he'd been drinking again. She squirmed. He increased the pressure on her shoulders and she gasped at the sudden pain.

"Well answer me you stupid girl!"

"Daddy, you're hurting me..." she whimpered.

"Oh I'm hurting you am I? Well isn't that just to bad. Maybe next time you'll won't do something stupid and won't deserve to be hurt."

He let her go and backed off a step. "Get those dishes done, NOW!"

Hermione didn't move; her father had never acted like this before. She was scared.

"Well what are you waiting for! MOVE!" He ripped the granola bar out of her hands and shoved it into his own mouth and then spun her around and shoved her into the counter. "If those dishes aren't done in ten minutes you'll be sorry child!"

Only when she was back in her room rubbing bruise-balm potion into her shoulders did she allow herself to cry. Why was this happening to her? What had she done? Her father was never like this. Ever since her mom had decided that she was getting a divorce and walked out on him, her dad had been acting weird. She was spending the summer with her dad this year; her mom was on a trip to America.

_Please_, she prayed to whatever gods were listening, _please let my father get himself back under control. _She shivered as she heard the front door slam and the car start as her father walked out of the house on another unexplained drive to who knows where, gone for who knows how long. _And soon_

_

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_

Authors Notes: I'm pretty sure that i have a beta reader, adn her name is heather! This chapter is dedicated to Her. And yes for once i really did edit this chapter myself so there! I wanted to get this first chapter up so that people knew i had a new story out. !

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne


	2. Chapter Two

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The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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"Some human memories and tearful lore,  
Render him terrorless: his name's "No More."  
He is the corporate Silence: dread him not!  
No power hath he of evil in himself; But should some urgent fate (untimely lot!)  
Bring thee to meet his shadow (nameless elf,  
That haunteth the lone regions where hath trod  
No foot of man,) commend thyself to God!"

Silence, By Edgar Allen Poe

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Chapter Two

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I was starving, it was getting late and my father still wasn't home yet. I was torn with indecision. Should I wait for him a little while or call a friend and find out if I could come over for supper? My stomach decided for me. After having had nothing to eat all day except for half a grannola bar, I was starving, quite literally. I needed to ask dad to go food shopping, or to give me the money for shopping.  
  
I called my best friend Simone, somebody I hadn't seen since the summer before. She was happy to have me over for supper, and her whole family welcomed me. I scribbled a note on a pad of paper and taped it to the inner door for my dad to see as soon as he got home. That way he wouldn't worry about me.  
  
I knocked on Simone's door cautiously and opened it when I heard a faint "Come on in" from somewhere in the house. I took my shoes off and looked around. All of a sudden I had the wind knocked out of me and was enveloped in a big, big hug.  
  
"Hermione, its so great seeing you!" squealed a very enthusiastic Simone.  
  
I returned the hug happily. "Its so good seeing you again!"  
  
"I know, you look great, despite the hair and all, you really look great," her friend teased lovingly. "My, this year has been good to you. Come on, let's go up to my room and gossip until Mom finishes making supper."  
  
We walked upstairs and Simone closed her door and turned her radio on. Then she stuffed a blanket under her door. I looked at her with one eyebrow raised. Had my friend finally lost it?  
  
"Hermione, girl, I have brothers! I don't want them listening in. Hell, I don't want a parent listening in either. You should know better!"  
  
"Yea, I guess..." I laughed. "I guess being an only child I haven't ever really had to worry about that sort of thing."  
  
"You lucky, lucky girl!"  
  
We talked of everything from hair, to make-up, to boys, and everything else that had happened to us over the school year. Then Simone asked me about how things were going now that my mom wasn't around. I looked at the floor, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Hermione?" Simone asked becoming concerned. "Hermione, what is it. Come on I've known you since kindergarten, you can tell me anything. I swear I won't go blabbing unless something serious happened and I think you're in danger."  
  
"Things have been rough, Simone. Its like my dad is a totally different person, I don't even know him anymore. He yells a lot, and gets mad at the stupidest things. I've only been back for two weeks. There isn't any food in the house, and it's an absolute mess. It was worse when I first got home though. He's been making me clean everything, threatening me and screaming at me all the time"  
  
"Everything will work out Hermione, don't you worry about a thing. And if things get too bad, you can come on over here for a while. We can work something out with my mom, I'm sure she won't mind one more mouth to feed, it won't make that much difference around here."  
  
"Thanks Simone, you're the best."  
  
There was a pound on the hallway wall near Simone's room as her Mother yelled up.  
  
"Girls, its supper time, Wash your hands and get your butts down here before the boys eat everything in sight."  
  
It was great, everyone was happy and the food was delicious. I had seconds on everything and a third burger. There had been way too little to eat around the house for the last two weeks that I had been home and I had probably lost some weight. I thought I caught Simone's mother watching me with a look I didn't like a few times, but I brushed the thought away. She was probalby just looking at how much i had changed over the summer or some other mom-like thing.  
  
A couple hours later I decided that it was time for me to head home in case my dad was there and didn't find my note, or if he was just in a rotton mood. It was eight o'clock. I wasn't that worried. My curfew was at ten usually during the summer. I was halfway down the walkway when I heard Simone's mother calling out to me.  
  
"Hermione! Wait a minute dear, I have something for you." She handed me a bag that smelled heavanly. "I packed up most of the leftovers we had from tonight's dinner in a bag for you, I know how men are when they cook. Either they forget about it, or its so horrible you don't want to eat it at all."  
  
I laughed. "Thanks!"  
  
"Now hurry home before your father wonders where you went off too."  
  
"Bye!"  
  
When I got back to the house it was still light out, and my fathers truck was nowhere to be seen. Who knew where he was. All well, not like it was a big deal anyways. I put the leftovers into the fridge and made sure all the dishes were done, emptied the trash, and then got out the book I had started the night before and began to read. I fell asleep on the couch.  
  
A loud crash woke me up in the pitch black house. I glanced at the tele, and the cable told me that it was almost one o'clock in the morning. Dad had finaly gotten home. I heard him cursing from the doorway, but couldn't understand him. He wasn't screaming at least, and I supposed that was a good sign.

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Author's Notes

Thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter, I've never had sucha an immidiate response to reviews, some of you the day I posted. YAY!

PottersChick: does that give you a better answer? I didn't explain everything in teh first chapter. Besides Hermione is being stubborn. lol (surprised?)

Heather: am i doing a good job with my gasp actual editing! DId i miss anything yet

Snapegirl51606: glad you liked it

RedLady27: you'll find out whats wrong with her dad soon enough...evil grin wait for teh cliffies....evil cliffie writers...uh...wait thats me too...lol

Gwenivive: I'll try to be nice and update regularly, no promises though!

Blessed Be,  
Raven


	3. Chapter Three

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The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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"Don't say I'm out of touch  
With this rampant chaos- your reality  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge  
The nightmare I built my own world to escape  
  
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights  
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
The goddess of imaginary light"  
  
Evanescence, Imaginary

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Chapter Three

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He staggered in the doorway of the house knocking the coat rack over, and running into just about everything possible. I assumed that my father must have been out at one of the local bars for most of the night, as he reeked of cigarette smoke and beer. I turned the hallway light on so that he wouldn't kill himself before he even made it out of the front hall, he blinked heavily.  
  
"What the hell are you doing up missy?" he growled, slurring heavily. "Do you think you can just stand there and look at me like I'm a fool? Don't think I don't know what you're up to!"  
  
"Daddy, what are you talking about? Do you need me to..."  
  
"Silence!" he walked over to me and got in my face. I tried to back up and ended up cornering myself against the wall; I had nowhere to go. "Don't you interrupt me when I'm talking to you. You are just like your mother you stupid bitch."  
  
He slapped me across the face, hard. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe that he had actually just hit me. I began to realize just how drunk my father really was. I hadn't felt this scared since my first year at Hogwarts when I was attacked by the troll in the girl's lavatory. He was stronger then me, and I was in no position to defend myself, trapped against the wall as I was.  
  
"You were thinking about running away from me weren't you, you stupid girl! You were going to leave me here all alone with nobody to do my chores for me and with nobody to clean this dump for me. How dare you even think about that!"  
  
"No, Daddy, I wasn't."  
  
"Liar!"  
  
He slapped me across the face again and I whimpered, scared. This was my father; he was supposed to be the one of the good guys. He was supposed to try to protect me, not hurt me. Great Gods this could not be happening to me! This wasn't the sort of things that happened to people like my dad, or people like me! _Great Lady, did he beat my mother too?_ I hadn't been around much since Hogwarts started, but Goddess! _Could this be why my mother left? How could she leave me alone with this monster?  
_  
"You won't be doing that again. I won't let you get away this time! I should have done this to your mother, too. I never should have let her get away from me."  
  
He grabbed me by the collar and half dragged me down the hall. I fought back, scared about what he was going to do to me in this crazed and drunken state. I ran my nails across his face and pinched a pressure point in his hand. He released me, startled, looking down at his hands stupidly. I took advantage of the momentary lapse in attention towards me and turned to run.  
  
Unfortunately, he came out of his shock soon enough to grab me again. He punched me roughly, screaming out all of his anger at my mother for leaving him. This man was no longer my father. This man was an abusive drunk whom I no longer wanted anything to do with.  
  
I did my best to ignore the blows, and to ignore the pain. _Think of happy places, think of good times._ Another punch landed on my stomach. _Think of Harry and Ron and spending part of summer vacation with the Weasley's at the Burrow. Think of talking about my love life, or lack of, with Ginny! Think of anything but this!  
_  
My dad had completely lost it. He was taking everything out on me. All of his pain, all of his anger, and all of his pent up frustration became mine to bear. He gave it all to me, in the form of bruises on my skin. I couldn't focus anymore...the pain became too much for me. Eventually I passed out from the pain and welcomed the realm of the unconscious.

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Author's Notes: Thank you to my beta for editing this chapter after I had posted it, and this is a repost with her help!  
  
Thanks to my reviewers to the last chapter..................  
  
Potterschick: he wasn't beating her yet, lol, now lets see what happens...winks  
  
Angel5blue5: ooohhhh...too bad it never really works that way, at least not right away. Maybe some guy will come and save her, but then again... maybe not. I can't tell, that would be giving away way too much  
  
Gwenivive: Sugar? Did somebody mention sugar...do you have chocolate...I really really really like chocolate and its really really yummy....yea...need chocolate NOW... too bad I already know there isn't any in my house....Cries lol  
  
Celest-Wiket: thanks for checking out my story!  
  
Heather: can't wait until you can do all of my editing...  
  
Redlady27: is this something stupid enough for you? lol...it gets even better, or should I say worse?  
  
Queen of the bitch people: goddess I love that name! Lol glad I can keep you guessing and interested at the same time!  
  
What it feels like For A Girl: I'm going to leave the Mom alone, because its easier for me to remember, and I don't know how nursery works vs. kindergarten, so I'll stick to what makes sense to me for now unless you want to explain it to me.  
  
Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne 


	4. Chapter Four

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The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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"Be silent in that solitude,  
Which is not loneliness- for then  
The spirits of the dead, who stood  
In life before thee, are again  
In death around thee, and their will  
Shall overshadow thee; be still.  
  
The night, though clear, shall frown,  
And the stars shall not look down  
From their high thrones in the HeavenWith light like hope to mortals given,  
But their red orbs, without beam,  
To thy weariness shall seem  
As a burning and a fever  
Which would cling to thee for ever."  
  
Edgar Allen Poe, Spirits of the Dead

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Chapter Four

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All throughout muggle school I had been picked on because of my bushy hair and my love for learning. Because I buried my nose in books I was everyone's favorite subject of ridicule. I was insecure, and I all but hated myself. Simone was my only friend.  
  
When my father hit me, I just assumed that I probably deserved it for one reason or another. As a kid I had never been good enough for my parents. My grades were too low, and unless I achieved all A's I didn't do good enough for them. They were always making me feel like I wasn't good enough. If I wasn't perfect, they would not love me. I tried my best but nothing was ever good enough for them. No matter how close to 'perfect' I was, it wasn't close enough.  
  
When I got my Hogwarts letter I was excited beyond belief. This was my chance to start over. Nobody would know me there and I would be just another new face in a strange world. I could prove myself to these people. I would be a brand new person. Then I learned what prejudice was, what it meant to be muggle-born. I learned the meaning of the word mudblood. People like Draco Malfoy made it their mission to make my life miserable.

If it weren't for Harry and Ron suddenly befriending me on Halloween that night, I would have ended up just as miserable at Hogwarts as I had once been at my muggle schools. But I still never had the self respect and self love that most of the other people around me seemed to have. I was never confident of my parents love for me, I lacked that vital sense of security that kids are supposed to grow up with. True, until now, I had always felt safe, but that sense of belonging was never there.  
  
We had no neighbors to speak of. My parents had loved nature, and had bought a large plot of land on the outskirts of the nearest town. Consequently everybody lived at least a mile away. The back of my family's land was forest, and it went on for miles, as far as the eye could see. Therefore there was nobody around to hear my screams. There wasn't anybody around to help me, and I was in no shape to help myself. I was on a downward spiral into the abyss of loneliness and self-loathing. My father had won.  
  
He never let me out of his sight, and I had to keep the bathroom door open when I wanted to shower or to relieve myself. My dad had lost his job after my mom had left him, so he was home all the time. The only times he left the house were to get more beer or to go grocery shopping and when he left the house he locked me in the bathroom or in a closet.  
  
I had lost a lot of weight in the two weeks that this had been going on. I didn't quite look anorexic, but I did look a little too thin. My stomach was just a little bit too inverted, and my ribs showed a bit more then was healthy. My eyes looked hollow, and my hair was fragile and damaged, hanging limply around my face. I was pale and sickly looking, a shadow of myself.  
  
My father beat me just about every night. The more I screamed, the less he hit me. He liked to hear me scream. I assumed it made him feel like he had power over me. He was a sick, perverted freak. I no longer cared about him or myself for that matter.  
  
I wasn't afraid of him anymore, and truth be told, after a while the pain almost felt good. I was numb to it. I didn't like what was happening to me. It was as if it was happening to somebody else.It was like I was just watching it happen, and I just didn't care.  
  
I had never really liked myself. I didn't really care what happened to the body (that) I just happened to live in. It wasn't as if I were beautiful and that the bruises hurt my looks. They probably made me look better. In my mind, anything was an improvement.  
  
Today I was locked in the basement without water and without food for the last two days. The light was on the other side of the door, so I was in complete darkness. My head ached and I was dizzy. I had a lump like an egg side of my face above my temple from falling down the stairs when my father had decided he was going out. I didn't know how long I had been in here, but I knew that it had been a while. It was probably about the middle of the night.  
  
Vaguely I made out the sound of the front door opening and my father stumbling in through the door, crashing into everything in the hallway. No doubt I would get beaten for that later. Just as I knew I would, I heard him curse loudly and head toward the cellar doorway.  
  
The lights all but blinded me when he turned them on and I blinked heavily for several minutes, oping to get used to the light before my father managed to make it down the stairs to where I lay against the wall.  
  
I ignored his mutterings nd his cursing. He grabbed me by the hair, and and yanked me to my feet and started walking up the stairs. I didn't realize what was going on until I felt my father rip my shirt and toss me on the bed. Suddenly, I woke from my daze, startled.  
  
"W... what... what the hell is going on?" I gasped, my voice trembling.  
  
"That's right you little bitch, scream." His eyes held a malicious glint that I had never seen there before. "Scream for me. It's about time you made yourself really useful."  
  
I tried to fight back but he was twice as strong as I was, even if I had been healthy. He pinned me down to the bed; I couldn't fight him off. Tears streamed down my face.I begged him to stop but he just laughed and beat me. He took my pants off and ripped my undergarments. He bruised the tender flesh of my breasts, biting me and groping me painfully. This man who was no longer my father bit me roughly on the shoulder and I felt blood trickle down my back.  
  
I heard a clicking noise and realized that he had somehow managed to cuff my hands to the top of the bed. He held my feet down with his body weight as he unzipped his pants.  
  
I started screaming. _NO! This could not be happening. Not to me. I couldn't be losing my virginity, not like this! NOT with this man!_ _He was my fucking father! _

I started to struggle but he laughed. The last thing I felt was pain like I had never felt before as he thrust himself into me. A bloodcurdling scream was ripped from my throat, and with it, magick like I had never felt before flowed forcefully from my body and into my father.  
  
I passed out.

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Author's Notes: Don't worry, it wil start to get better from here on, these first four chapters were like an introduction into the world of te Hermione I have created for your reading pleasure. I know i'm cruel, but i got an idea and i had to go with it, you'll see, things will get better. Even though they may get worse first! **_Read And Review Please!_**

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne


	5. Chapter Five

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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"I can't remember  
The last time you cared about anything  
The last time you allowed yourself to be seen  
So pretentious your lies unrelenting disguise  
Creating tears in your eyes your mind withers and dies  
Pretending to be something you are not  
Somewhere in the middle you are now caught  
You've never seen who you really are  
No life breathes in you"

Hollowman, by Trapt

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

Everything was blurry, and really bright. There was white light everywhere I looked. I had to blink several times before I could see clearly, and even so everything was quite muddled. When I could see, I discovered I was on a small cot in a room with white walls, windows open and sunlight streaming through. It looked so familiar and yet I could not for the life of me determine where I was. I had absolutely no notion of where I was, and how I had gotten here. The last thing I remembered was...  
  
Tears flowed out of my eyes and I started crying as I remembered what my father did to me. It was so unfair, and so unbelievable. I could not conceive how any man could do that to his own flesh and blood. A door squeaked and I looked around me nervously, wanting to know who was coming. Dumbledore appeared in the room. I suddenly realized where I was. I was in the infirmary at Hogwarts.  
  
"My dear child, how are you doing this morning now that you have awakened? Lemon drop?"  
  
"What happened headmaster? What happened to my father?"  
  
"Patience, child, patience. All will be answered in due time. But first, answer my question." He peered down over his half-moon spectacles at me thoughtfully. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Considering what just happened to me I suppose I'm doing just wonderful." I replied sarcastically. Madam Pomphrey walked into the room, carrying a small vial of a nameless potion, walking over to the storage cabinets. "What happened to father, anyway? All I remember is pain, then nothing. Just power..."  
  
"That man was your father... I see." He mused to himself, with an unknown emotion flickering in his eyes.  
  
"Miss Granger, you are aware of instinctive magic, aren't you?" I nodded. "You see, your body naturally reacted to the circumstances and protected itself. Wandless magic if you would. The Department of Accidental Magic from the Ministry arrived at your house a few moments after it happened, and immediately called the Aurors to the scene. They thought Death Eaters were involved.  
  
'Tonks was one of the Aurors called onto the scene, and she recognized you immediately, and took you back here. She left the others to clean up the mess, and to figure out what happened." He paused and looked at me, as if searching for the right words to express himself properly.

"Headmaster, tell me what happened. I'm not a little girl I can handle the truth." I snapped, a little more harshly then I had intended to.  
  
"Very well then. Hermione your father is dead. There wasn't even enough of him left to bury. Your magick literally ripped him apart in your fear."  
  
I gaped. "What do you mean 'ripped him apart?"  
  
"I mean exactly what I said, my child. You are a very powerful witch, even without a wand to aid and direct your powers. The reason the people from the accidental magick department thought Death Eaters were involved was because your father's body was shredded, and then plastered to the walls and all over the room."  
  
"Impossible... I did all that?"  
  
"Yes, you did. Mrs. Granger. Until you identified the man as your father, we had no idea who he was. Now the remaining question is, why." He looked at me expectantly.  
  
I looked down at the bed, my hands clenched fiercely in my lap. "He deserved it," I said, the venom evident in my voice. "He deserved every bit of pain and every bit of torture. Serves him right."  
  
"What happened Mrs. Granger? What did he do?" I saw Madam Pomphrey edge closer, so that she could listen in while pretending to be otherwise occupied. The woman was not very subtle, was she?  
  
"He raped me. He beat me for weeks and all but starved me. He kept me locked in various rooms of the house every time he left. I don't want to talk about the rest of it. The man deserved death."  
  
"Indeed..."  
  
I sat up in the bed, and swung my feet over the side. I needed to be out of here, and be alone for a while. I just needed to get out and to get away from everything.  
  
"Miss Granger, I expect you in the great hall for supper at the usual time. Understood?"  
  
"Yes Headmaster."  
  
Madam Pomphrey began to protest, but I was already to the door. The last thing I heard as I fled into the corridors was Dumbledore speaking to the medi-witch.  
  
"Let her go Poppy, the girl needs time. She'll be back." I heard him tell her.  
  
I half ran through the corridors and out through a side door into a courtyard. I hardly saw where I was going at all, awith only instinct to lead me. When I finally stopped, I looked around me and realized I was in front of the lake. I sat down, hugged my knees up to my chest, and rested my chin on them.  
  
And then, I cried.

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Author's Notes:  
Thank you to all of my reviewers!

This chapter was a little longer then my usual, at least if you go by word count. I am glad that most of you seem to like this story so far, despite wishing the chapters to be a bit longer. I might post another chapter this week because I will be on vacation all of next week. My beta is still on vacation, so there may still be errors on the last three chapters. If you notice any annoying and obvious grammatical or spelling errors please point them out to me and I will fix them ASAP.  
  
Remember: Please Read and Review!  
  
Chapter Three Reviewers: queen of the bitch people, redlady27, Potterschick, Smiles28, and Celest-Wikit Chapter Four Reviewers: redlady27, dryade, tabitoo, Amanda, nesscafe, Nakhash Mekashefah, Smiles28, queen of the bitch people, Achin 2 Lick Clays Neck, LaNaHwAnNa, Jessica, queen of imladris


	6. Chapter Six

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I know why the caged bird beats his wing  
Till blood is red on the cruel bars  
For he must fly back to his perch and cling  
When he would fain be on the bough a-swing  
And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars  
And they pulse again with a keener sting-  
I know why he beats his wing!"  
  
Except from Sympathy, By Paul Lawrence Dunbar

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

Albus Dumbledore somberly looked out of a charmed window from his office, a window that would show him anything he wanted as long as it was on Hogwarts grounds. Right now he carefully watched a troubled young woman crying by the lakeside. He was very worried for her, but kept his misgivings to himself behind his carefully veiled mask of happiness.  
  
Many thought he was a fool, for he barely reacted at all to things that would ignite others tempers and emotions. He reacted calmly and with thought. There was nothing he did that hadn't been completely planned out, with almost every possible outcome turned over in his mind. Years of watching others gave him a great deal of insight into the minds of others. And years of practice made it possible to completely mask his features with whatever expression he cared to show the rest of the world. They saw only what he decided they needed to see, and nothing more. He choose his words with the same precision and care, and kept his meaning veiled so that the listener could figure things out for himself.  
  
Dumbledore had eyes and ears everywhere in the castle and there wasn't much that went on that he did not know about. The walls had ears, or rather, the paintings did. Not many people bothered to notice what paintings were around, and to see if they were occupied or not. Many things were whispered in their presence, and he often heard about it one way or another. He was by no means a legimens or even omniscient but he did have his ways.  
  
His mind was completely occupied with thoughts about what to do for the young witch sitting beside that lake. Miss Granger obviously could not return to her house for the rest of the summer, and his sources had informed him that her mother was unreachable and would not return for any reason, no matter how dire, until she felt like it.  
  
Albus stroked his beard in thought, running his hands through the thick gray mass. She had barely reacted to the news of her father's death, and it was as if she had desensitized herself to the situation. She seemed to be viewing it all from an outsider's point of view. Her mind was working as if the situation was happening to somebody else, a stranger that she could not care for. This would cause problems in the future, for while she remained desensitized and unwilling to resolve the problems and emotional scars, she could not heal. And when the pain caught up with her, there were going to be storms of violent emotional turmoil.  
  
She needed a friend, somebody she could talk to. Perhaps somebody her own age, or perhaps somebody with similar experiences. Or would she react better to a motherly figure, one who she could feel comfortable going to when she had a problem. Yes, a motherly figure would probably work out for the best, and he had no doubt that Minerva or Poppy would be thrilled at the chance to be a mentor and a guardian for the troubled girl. And it made perfect sense, After all, Minerva was her Head of House. Yes, indeed, he must seek out the Headmistress and have a chat with her over tea, and perhaps some of those nice little biscuits she always seemed to have around...

* * *

I rubbed the last of the tears from my eyes, finding that she had none left for anyone or anything. It was over now. I was never going to let anybody do that to me again. I would not be the caged bird, singing for freedom. I would be the warrior, wand at the ready, fighting for freedom. I was a strong and powerful witch and I planned on improving my skills as much as possible.  
  
But I needed to change myself too. I needed everybody able to see that things had changed over the summer, and I would not be pushed around any more. No longer would I be the bookworm, second class muggleborn witch. It was time for a few changes.  
  
Strangely enough, I didn't feel any remorse at killing my father. It just didn't matter to me. I wondered where I was going to go for the rest of the summer, obviously I couldn't alone at my father's house, not that I would have even wanted to. I never wanted to go back there. Ever. That part of my life was over.  
  
I decided to seek out the headmaster and find out exactly what was going on. I needed answers.  
  
I found him in Professor McGonagall's office, sent in that direction by the gargoyle guarding his office. I nodded to both of them and sat down in the chair that Professor McGonagall directed me to.  
  
"Tea, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Yes, please, Professor."  
  
"Is there something that you wished to discuss, Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked as he sipped his tea.  
  
"Well, sir, I was wondering if you had any idea of what I could do for the rest of the summer. I have no place to go, you see, and my mother is on vacation in America last time I knew. And I was wondering if perhaps, I could stay here. I would be no bother at all, and I would be happy in my dormitory..." I rushed it all out in one giant sentence barely pausing for breath.  
  
I watched him nervously as he regarded me silently for a few moments thoughtfully. "Very well, but I will grant you one better then that. I will give you your own separate bedroom that can be charmed so that it connects to the Gryffindor common room through a painting. I suspect you will be wanting somebody to take you back to your house to collect your belongings?" I nodded. "very Well them, I will get Severus to apparate you over a bit later. After a nice lunch perhaps. Now, I will lead you to your chamber. I'll speak with you again on this matter, Minerva. Come along Hermione."  
  
We walked out of Professor McGonagall's office and headed towards the Gryffindor Dormitory. There was a statue of a dragon in nearby hallway that nobody had any real cause to go down, and the Headmaster stopped in front of it and looked at it, stroking his beard.  
  
"This will do, its out of the way but close enough for our purposes. You can change the password afterwards. But for now it will be: Chocolate Frogs."  
  
The statue slid sideways, revealing a door in the side of the wall. When we entered the rooms, they were very dusty and completely empty. With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore cleared the dust away. He muttered another charm that I did not recognize, and I turned to him waiting for an explanation. The room was completely empty, and it appeared that all the adjourning rooms were as well.  
  
"There is a charm on the rooms that will allow you to imagine whatever style furniture that you like, and it will appear as close to your specifications as possible. You can add your own belongings to it afterwards. All the furniture will be coming from unused rooms in the rest of the castle, and some can be transfigured once they appear here so that they suit your tastes perfectly. I will leave you alone now, there are matters that I must attend to."  
  
"Thank-you Headmaster."  
  
"Your Welcome, Miss Granger." He walked towards the door. "oh, and as soon as you are settled in a house elf will bring your dinner. If you choose to put a fireplace in here, I will have it connected to the floo network. A basin of floo powder will appear on the mantelpiece. Good-day."  
  
I stared at the room in wonder. There was so much that I could do here, and I could not wait to get started.  
  
I laid down on the newly acquired sofa in what served as my common room and living room. There were three rooms in this suite, plus an exquisite bathroom. In the living room was a huge brick fireplace with an ornate mantelpiece. The floor around the fireplace was of stone, and the floor in the rest of the room was made of rich colored wood. There was a rich navy blue Oriental rug in the middle of the room.  
  
The couch was plush and sensual emerald green colored velvet, and was oversized and very comfy. There was also a rocking chair that reminded me of my Grandmother and a few tables with romantic/gothic styling. All sorts of silver colored candleholders. There were silver toned sconces all over the walls too. I would add the rest of the personal touches when I took my personal belongings from my room.  
  
Then, of course, there was the study and the library. I had a large cherry colored wooden desk and a larch armchair that reminded her of a psychologist's office chair. Bookshelves lined the three walls, and were filled with all the books nobody had used in the rooms of the castle, and books that were not in the library. I could not wait to look over those books, and see what mysteries they held.  
  
I did the bedroom last. I got a king sized canopy bed with rich purple curtains, and silky sheets and comforters. I had a quilt at home that was made of different shades of purple velvet, velour, corduroy, silk, satin, and chenille. All of the different materials felt wonderful to the touch. The furniture was all stained a dark brown color. I charmed the ceiling to look like the sky outside, just like the great hall, with an added feature: if there was a thunder or rainstorm I would be able to hear the rain and thunder. That was a sound that had always lulled me to sleep, all throughout my childhood.  
  
A house elf appeared next to me with a tray on it. I thanked him politely as he handed me the tray and vanished. The food was delicious and I was starving. Pointing a wand everywhere and using the appropriate charms and spells was surprisingly tiring. I ate like Ron always did. I felt like I had been starved for days on end. Which, I reflected spitefully, I had been. My father hadn't exactly been shoving food at me for the past moth that I had been home. At least now I could have a figure without any baby fat... As long as I watched how much I actually ate.  
  
Right after I finished eating, I heard a bell ring, and realized that meant somebody was waiting for me outside my door. It was Professor Snape.  
  
"Come along you foolish girl, I haven't got all day. This isn't my idea of a good way to spend the afternoon."  
  
"I am so sure of that Professor," I replied sarcastically. After all, he couldn't take away house points right now and if he choose to be snide, well, I supposed the new Hermione Granger could throw all his bitterness back into the greasy-git's face.  
  
We walked into Hogsmede, and then apparated to my house. It didn't take me all that long, as my room was well organized. I found several boxes of stuff of mine in the cellar too. Everything I wanted I shrunk down to an appropriate size and shoved into my trunk, and then I shrunk my trunk down to a size that would fit into my pocket. Professor Snape was silent throughout all of it, watching me carefully. He looked everything over that caught his attention with precision, and great care. In turn I ignored him. Until we were ready to leave at least.  
  
"Well, are you going to just stand there all day? I can't apparate back you know!"  
  
"Insufferable know-it-all," he shot back unconvincingly. His mind was obviously elsewhere.  
  
When I finished unpacking my things, I realized that I as going to need a new wardrobe. Hermione Granger had changed, and this new girl would need a new look to go along with her new attitude. A mix of a punk/gothic style would be a nice change. It fit my mood, dark and depressing.  
  
Tomorrow... Tomorrow I would take floo network into Diagon alley and go shopping in muggle London. The ministry hadn't given me all of my father's saved money for nothing now, had they? Mom could sell the house when she got back. That was her problem if it foreclosed in the mean time...

* * *

Author's Notes:  
  
The next chapter will either go into Hermione's shopping spree and new attitude, and/or give you an insight into Severus Snape... As I said before, my beta is on vacation, I don't know when she will be back, but please let me know about any obvious spelling errors and grammatical errors and I will fix them as soon as I get back from vacation.  
  
Thank-you to my reviewers for the last chapter. Is this long enough for you yet sticks tongue out at you!!! Don't get used to them being this long either, this one is special because I am going away soon and may not be able to write for a while.  
  
redlady27, Snapegirl51606, poetrychik, Potterschick, Innogen, queen of imladris, Irina Derevko , veritas, yo , Wanna Huggle Edward Norton (Who is Edward Norton? Should I know that name lol????), Phynali, Dragonmaster Kurai, AuroraAbbie Snape, S.J. More , BewitchingWitch, Angel5blue5, Amanda, and  
  
Celest-Wikit: yea I know the whole thing about the way her father died was a little far fetched but I had this beautiful picture of energy just exploding forth from her and her dad being forced backwards against the wall...with a nice SPALT noise. grins You know, the noise you imagine when you squish a bug. laughs evilly I had too, besides, Hermione is a very powerful witch, who can say exactly what would happen with that much raw unchanneled power just exploding forth from somebody. Be happy I didn't elaborate on the gory details that are still floating through my head lol. 


	7. Chapter Seven

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Once Upon a year gone by  
She saw herself give in  
Every time she closed her eyes  
She saw what could have been  
Well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds  
When covers tucked in tight  
Funny how the bottom drops  
How she forgets to fight

As darkness quickly steals the light  
That shined within her eyes  
She slowly swallows all her fear  
And soothes her mind with lies  
Well all she wants and all she needs  
Are reasons to survive  
A day in which the sun will take  
Her artificial light"

Vanessa Carlton, Paradise

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

"You need a guardian while you are there."

"But Professor Dumbledore, I'm going into muggle London. I'm hardly going to be able to walk in and out of shops inconspicuously. Somebody is bound to notice if a man walks into a shop with a dress on. _Or pajamas._"

I remembered the stories Harry and Ron had for me when they came back from the World Cup game our fourth year. I wasn't going anywhere in the muggle world looking like I had some sort of lunatic following me around. It just wasn't happening. I had enough problems without worrying about that as well.

"Very well then." He paused, rubbing his beard between his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully. And muttered to himself, "yes, indeed... I wonder. Yes that will do it." He turned back to me and smiled. "Severus is the only one who has regular dealings in the muggle world. He will be your guardian."

"But Headmaster..."

"You want to have permission to leave Hogwarts do you not? If Professor Snape is not suitable escort for you, then you need not go."

I heard the stubbornness in his voice and knew that this was his final answer. "Fine. I'm leaving in one hour, with or without Professor Snape. I hope you can convince him to be there on time or I shall be short one escort."

I slammed the door, or tried to at least. The door was stubborn and slowed down at the last second, closing quietly... it must have had some sort of charm on it. No doubt one of the Hogwart's Headmasters decided he had enough of slamming doors in his lifetime. With a sigh, I headed back to my rooms, resisting the urge to stomp. It just wasn't satisfying if the door didn't slam...

* * *

One more teaspoon of powdered wormwood had to be placed into the potion at the exact moment the spoon was at positioned precisely at one o'clock on the third full rotation of stirring. Otherwise, the potion would be absolutely useless and I would have to start all over again. I waited patiently with the wormwood in my hands, poised and ready to be poured. I was almost there... and a few more seconds...

"Ahh Severus," said a voice behind me. I felt a tap on my shoulder. "I was hoping that I would find you here."

My arm quivered slightly, dropping half the wormwood in at the twelve o'clock position instead of at one. The potion began to smoke and turned a putrid shade of green instead of the deep orange glow it should have been. I vanished the contents of my cauldron. That damn man was always doing this to me. He had absolutely no respect for the fine art of potions. Absolutely none at all... Disdainfully I turned around, scowling at him.

"Must you sneak up on me like that all the time, Albus? You seem to think that destroying my private laboratory would be entertaining. What if I had been mixing a very delicate and temperamental potion?"

"Well then, I suppose I should just be happy that you weren't."

"Indeed," I drawled sarcastically. "Remind me to place a warding spell on my door in the future. And a more complex lock..."

"Whatever makes you happy, Severus." He smiled foolishly. "Now, are you busy this afternoon?"

"Well actually I had planned..."

"Excellent, I'm glad you're free. You will be escorting Miss Granger to Diagon Alley and then to Muggle London. She needs to get a few things. Now, she will be leaving here in an hour, and you are expected to be at her chambers promptly at one. Be there, Severus." He turned around and called back to me over his shoulder. "Now that this matter is settled, I've got a cup of tea waiting for me in the teachers lounge. Good day, Severus."

That man could be absolutely intolerable some days. He did it on purpose, of that I was most definitely sure. He was very persistent too. I sighed and resigned myself to an afternoon with that insufferable child. She had better not pull the poor abused child routine with me and expect sympathy. I had no idea why she would want me to accompany her.

I began to restart the potion Poppy had asked me to brew for her. It was doomed from the beginning. After Albus decided to surprise at that crucial moment of potion making, my concentration was broken. The task at hand no longer captivated my full attention. I cut the newt tails the unevenly second time around, and had to start all over again because it took me too long to even them out. On the third batch of the day, I was finally done.

I looked up at the clock and it was ten past one. I paled. I was late. I started to rush out the door when I stopped dead in my tracks. What was I thinking? She deserved to wait for me for once. After all, I was the teacher, and I was, of course, the one in charge. I took my time changing into muggle style clothes before walking briskly to her rooms.

I looked at the dragon in front of her doorway and sneered at it. "Let Miss Granger know that I am here, and that we can leave now."

Its head tilted sideways and looked at me, and I could have sworn it was glaring . "You are very late"

"I don't bloody well care that I'm late. Now tell Miss Granger that her escort is here."

"I will, but you will see her before I do." I could have sworn the creature was laughing at me. Enjoying playing with me.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"It means while you were taking your sweet time, she left over half an hour ago." Its grin was toothy, and arrogant.

"Why did you let her leave! I'm supposed to escort her dammit!"

"Do I look like her keeper?"

I glared at it for all I was worth. It was a glare that would have petrified a student where they stood and reduce even the great Potter to a mumbling idiot. Too bad the statue didn't give a damn.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" I mumbled angrily.

"I could inform Dumbledore for you. I'm sure he could help," the dragon said with sticky sweet and completely feigned kindness. "Otherwise she said you could meet her at the Leaky Cauldron at three o'clock and she would 'forget' to inform the Headmaster that you failed to appear on time."

And with that, the dragon resumed its stance as I stared at it angrily. How dare she! The impudence of that child! Well, I didn't bloody well care, so she could sod off. It would be her problem if something happened to her. Stupid chit. I wasn't about to tramp all over London trying to find her. I could only hope that nothing happened to the girl while she was out, or Albus would have my hide.

* * *

He was ten bloody minutes late. TEN minutes! I was damned if I was waiting for an escort that I didn't even want. I grabbed my bag and walked out the door, following the secret path into Hogsmeade where I would be using floo powder to get to Diagon Alley. . I wondered what Professor Snape would make of the message I had left with the dragon at my door.

About twenty minutes later, I breathed in the fresh air and looked around. It had been a long time since I had been in this part of London. Well, first things first. I needed to get to the right shopping district. I found the bus stop, and hopped on when it came to a stop. Another ten minutes passed before it came to my stop. _Let the metamorphosis begin..._

I stepped into a gothic shop I recognized as one of my friend's favorite stores: The Black Rose Emporium. Surprisingly, I found a helpful girl who seemed to absolutely love the idea of making me over. I told her my sizes and she brought me around the store, handing me piles of pants and shirts. I tried everything on and smiled in the mirror, pleased with the results. Nobody would recognize the person in front of this mirror as the old Hermione.

I put on a pair of skintight silky black pants with zippers up the front and pockets down the sides. It flared into a bootleg starting at the kneecaps and had bondage chains crossed in the back. The top was a deep bloodred gypsy top with huge, sheer belle sleeves that had no back, but instead only laces. Cringing at the price of the bill, but knowing it was worth it, I walked out of the store completely satisfied.

I passed a piercing place and was about to continue walking when a wicked thought entered my mind. Mischief filled my eyes, and I grinned roguishly. That would definitely freak out a few people. I walked inside.

"What do you want done miss?"

"I want my nose pierced."

_Get Ready Hogwarts, I am going to rock your world._

* * *

I was going to kill that girl when she finally appeared. I made my way to the Leaky Cauldron, shoving those out of my way who didn't move quickly enough. I picked a seat where I could see those entering the bar clearly.

"What'll it be, bub?"

"Fire whisky, on the rocks. Make it double."

The man's eyes widened. "Starting early aren't we..." He mumbled as he walked away.

That girl was going to get a serious lecture the minute I saw her walk through that door. She was so going to be dead meat! To be put into the position of babysitter by Albus was bad enough, but to have her talk to me as if she were my equal was even worse. She had better change her mind if she thought she was going to be able to sass me and get away with it.

I was still Severus Snape: most feared Professor of Hogwarts. She would not get away with this insolence.

* * *

Authors Notes: YEA! I stopped being lazy and decided that I was definitely over my vacation and that if was time to write another chapter for you people!

And yes, Eventual SS/HG

Thanks to my reviewers: Child Of The Gods, grangerhermoine, Miss Elvira, Celest-Wikit, queen of imladris, Smiles28, Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's, Angel5blue5, Wanna Huggle Edward Norton (Jonny Depp! drools) PinkLightning07, Innogen, Nerfi-Tiri, DanielLover00, Phynali, redlady27 (no I don't think Hermione will want to be mothered either....winks)


	8. Chapter Eight

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Nothin ever stops all these thoughts  
And the pain attached to them  
Sometimes I wonder why this is happenin  
It's like nothin I can do would distract me when  
I think of how I shot myself in the back again  
Cuz from the infinite words I can say I  
Put all pain you gave to me on display  
But didn't realize instead of settin it free I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me  
It never goes away"

Linkin Park, Figure 09

* * *

Chapter Eight

* * *

After everything was said and done, I ended up getting a lot more then my nose pierced. My parents had allowed me to get my ears pierced during my fourth year at Hogwarts, but I had always longed for a second hole. I decided today was the day for that and a cartilage piercing in my upper ears. I got my belly button and my eyebrow pierced as well. The woman behind the counter suggested a few other more provocative piercings but I blanched at that particular thought. That was a little farther then I was willing to go at this point in time. My nipples were just fine the way they were, thank-you. Besides, those piercings were meant to be displayed, and that was not something I was planning on doing anytime soon.

After purchasing a few extra earrings for each hole and added that bag into one of the several others that I was already carrying. I decided that it was time for me to head back towards Diagon Alley. It was nearing three o'clock and I didn't want the _dear_Professor to get his boxers in a bunch. I had a few more stops to make in the wizarding world and then I was done. If Snape wanted to play tag along he could, otherwise I didn't give a damn. I was finishing my shopping trip whether he liked it or not.

Getting off the bus, I spotted a bookstore. There was still enough of the same girl in me that I couldn't resist the urge. It was a long time since I had been able to get any muggle books to read. I hadn't had time for leisure reading in who knows how long. I spent way too much time in that store but I found that I didn't care one iota. He had made me wait for him, it was right that in turn he should do a little bit of waiting for me. I picked up two juicy looking books titled _Blue Moon Rising _by Simon R Green, and _Lost Souls_ by Poppy Z. Brite. They were both dark fantasy novels and I couldn't wait to get into them.

I looked at my watch, and despite myself, I hurried towards the Leaky Cauldron. I was much later then I had intended to be.

* * *

I was going to kill that rotten little imp. How dare she be late and make me wait for her? If something had happened to her, Albus would kill me. He would be replacing the ever-feared potions master in minutes. If she didn't show up in the next five minutes he was going to hex that girl into oblivion the moment I saw her. The door rang, signaling the entry of somebody into the pub, and my head shot up.

There was something erotic about a gothic woman that always intrigued me, and this woman was no exception to that rule. They wore their darkness on the outside, showing the world who they were. Sometimes it was merely their way of expressing themselves. The clothing that they wore always said something about their personalities, even though each message was always different. Just as each person differed from one another. I wondered what her reasons were.

My gaze traveled along the woman's body. Her top was enticing with all the exposed skin, yet at the same time revealed nothing inappropriate. Her stomach was toned and the piercing I saw looked fairly new. The pants begged to be touched with their silky smooth texture, showing off all of her curves. Damn did that woman have curves, plenty of them and all in the right places. On one arm was a leather fingerless glove that laced up her arm to her elbow, and the other was empty save a single silver chain with a few charms I did not bother identifying.

My gaze traveled next to her face, noticing the eyebrow ring, and the several piercings on her ears. Then to her hair and her eyes...

I jumped and looked closer. There was something oddly familiar about that face. It couldn't be, and yet it was. I growled, grimacing. This was not good. How the Hell was I going to explain this to the headmaster? Quickly, I downed my last shot of fire whisky and stood up to walk over to the stupid chit. How the hell was I to explain this to the Headmaster? He was bound to notice Hermione's change of wardrobe and appearance. She noticed me immediately as I stood, and began to walk towards me. Her face was bright and happy. That was not going to last long if I had anything to say about it.

'You are fifteen minutes late Miss Granger," I barked. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Get over it." She brushed a curl out of her eyes. "You were late; I waited at least that long for you before I walked out my door. Knowing that you aren't the center of the universe could do you some good, you know."

I seethed. How dare she? I was Severus Snape! I was Potions Master of Hogwarts. The nerve of her.

"Indeed. Perhaps you need to be taught a lesson for your cheek."

"I suggest that you learn that lesson yourself before you try to teach another its importance, Professor. If you can't manage to control yourself and your tongue, why should I?"

She was using that damn know-it-all voice that drove me insane, but my anger eluded me and I gaped at her. This wasn't right. This was when she was supposed to apologize and snivel before me, begging for forgiveness.

"School is not in session right now, Snape, so I suggest you forget the idea of giving me a detention. If you really think you must I might as well inform the Headmaster that you arrived late. I was forced to leave without you. I imagine Dumbledore would love to hear your explanation, or excuse, for that." She smiled rather smugly at me. "I have a few more stops to make before I'm done, and you, sir, are wasting my time. Are you coming?"

"There will be a day, Miss Granger, when you will come to regret this." I sneered.

"We'll see about that. Until then?" She made a motion for the door.

"After you."

I walked behind her at a safe distance, watching her and studying her. This was quite an interesting development. She looked completely different with this makeover, and her attitude appeared to have changed as well. Miss Granger had changed over the summer. Life did that to people it seemed. I just hoped that she would not be changed for the worse as I once had been.

I remembered being at her house with her while she got her things together. I felt out of place and had been wishing the entire time that Albus had requested another to go in my stead. However, he had been quite insistent. I was the only man for the job, he had said.

That day, Hermione had been silent and withdrawn. She had been so different from the know-it-all brat that I had become accustomed to over the years. I sympathized with her and I understood her pain. Granted my experiences had not been quite the same as a youth, but I knew the pain she was sure to be experiencing. When those you thought loved you and would protect you instead turned on you changed your outlook on life completely.

Today she was speaking her mind vehemently. I saw the spark of fire in her eyes that she usually reserved for a good book. She was herself again, and at least, I noted, she was recovering from the tragedy of her father's actions. Perhaps this metamorphosis Miss Granger was going through was being done in order to show herself that she was weak no longer. Perhaps, she needed this to cope.

I watched her as she picked out three books in Flourish and Botts, and waited impatiently. It would not do for her to get the impression that I actually cared. I could not afford to loose any face. I was Severus Snape, and I could never forget that. As if I would ever be allowed...

"Is that the last of your errands, you silly child?" I spat irately.

"It was going to be, but if you're in such a hurry to return perhaps I ought to think of another one just to keep you outside today. The sunshine and all of these people might do your sour attitude some good, never mind that pale completion." Hermione said, her voice acquiring a condescending tone.

I turned to snap at her and saw that she was smiling at me playfully. This was indeed new. Who in their right mind smiled at _me_ that way? The best defense was a good offense; I choose to glare at her for all that I was worth with my mouth forming my famous sneer.

She laughed. How dare she laugh at me!

"What's the matter, can't think of anything to say?" She turned and started walking away. "No matter, we're going home anyways."

"Miss Granger, when at all possible I avoid the Floo Network. If you intend to walk all the way back to the Leaky Cauldron to use it, then you will be making that walk alone." I kept my tone of voice bored and disinterested; it was best to make it seem as if I couldn't care less what she did.

"Do you suggest an alternative, Professor? Perhaps we could mail ourselves back using Owl Express." Sarcasm dripped from her words.

"Actually yes I do." My sneer became self-satisfied.

"Well, I'm waiting. What is it?"

"We can apparate back to the edge of the Forbidden Forest."

"I don't have my apparating license, and in case you have forgotten, I can't get it until I graduate from Hogwarts. They changed that particular law, remember?"

"But I do Miss Granger, and I can apparate the both of us back."

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. What about splinching?"

"If I thought that was a problem that might arise, I wouldn't have suggested that we apparate back to Hogwarts."

"Alright... if you say so."

"I've done this before, so don't fret yourself into a panic. Now come here." She took a few steps closer, getting just beyond my arm reach. "Now don't be daft, Miss Granger, I have to be touching to apparate with you. Come closer. Hold your bags carefully."

I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and to her credit she managed not to flinch. Within moments we were apparating to the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Thank you to all of my Reviewers from my last chapter, and I'm sorry I took so long to update:

SamanthaRiddle12, jinxd n cursed, Shadow Silver Fang, LaNaHwAnNa, Jojo (oops, ok, but for this story I'm gonna pretend she wasn't because I'm too lazy to go back and fix it, thanks though I'd forgotten.) AuroraAbbie Snape, Angel5blue5, Black-rose23, redlady27, Potterschick, Smiles28, Nerfi-Tiri, Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's, CotG ( I know I know but twitch that's beyond me and Hermione, for now winks) Anna-Nanna, Gwenivive, and grangerhermoine

And Thank you so much to my Beta reader for fixing my typos!!!!! And other silly errors that I really should know by now, especially after being an English major in high school! I should pay more attention to what i've typed before i send it to you Heather, lol.


	9. Chapter Nine

* * *

Author's Note:

I'm sorry I've been taking so long between updates but my life is falling apart right now and I'm having a real hard time getting myself to write because I'm trying to deal with way too much right now and I've got nobody to run to. So the story is still in progress but instead of updating every week like I want, it might take two to three weeks between updates. I'll try to write as much as I can at once when I can get myself out of my depression long enough to write, and have my beta edit them as quickly as she can (goddess bless my beta reader) so that all I have to do is upload them to the website when I want to update. Please be patient and I'll get to my story as often as I can.

Blessed be  
Raven Lynne

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Where you're headed there is no return  
You're hell-bent on a crash and burn  
You think you're winning but you won't be free  
Until you realize there's no-where to me

Going down on a one-way flight  
You're just dying to be right  
Your target's closing in that's a sign  
Of moving forward on a slow decline"

The Exies, Creeper Kamikaze

* * *

Chapter Nine

* * *

"Miss Granger," Severus Snape said in a callous and uncaring voice, "in case you have failed to notice, your feet are once again on solid ground. You can get your hands off me this instant."

"Oh!" I squeaked stepping backwards and looking around. I brushed myself off to get rid of any possible trace of him. "Well then, let's get home."

I bolted towards the castle, not caring how carelessly I moved through the underbrush, and Professor Snape walked behind me at the same reckless pace. I shivered with reaction as I thought of how it felt to cling to the professors lean body. I knew now that he was not skin and bones beneath his robes. He was all muscle and sinew, without an extra ounce of fat or weight anywhere on his upper body.

Surprisingly Snape did not smell foul like many potions did; but instead he smelled of herbs and spices. It was an earthy scent that filled my nostrils and dazzled my senses. Who knew that the Potions Master smelled so wonderful? Most were probably too frightened of him to get close enough to find out. And I did not blame them one bit. _A dementor has more manners for goodness sake!_

This was a foolish path to allow my mind to wander down though, because if I dwelt on it much longer I was bound to march straight into a thorn thicket without realizing it. Or a nightshade plant... A rough hand grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me backwards forcefully.

"Miss Granger, kindly take your get your head out of the clouds and pay attention to where you are walking. I don't want to have to explain to Poppy why I allowed a student to walk face first into a poisonous plant and develop a ghastly rash." He sneered with annoyance. "To think I once thought you were an intelligent young woman. Now all I see is another dunderhead fool who can't pay attention (to) where they are going and what they are walking into."

I glared at him while fuming silently but chose to pretend he had said nothing. I refused to lower myself to his level. The man had as many barbs as a ruddy porcupine quill and his company wasn't exactly something to look forward to either. He was still the same man no matter what. Somehow I found that oddly comforting.

Now all I had to do was get back to my chambers and put my new wardrobe away. _I wonder what the Headmaster will think of my new appearance._ _How is the cranky Professor going to explain himself this time? _I saw Dumbledore by the entryway waiting for us and I smiled mischievously to myself. This was going to be great.

I walked up to the old man as innocently as I could manage and smiled up at him. "Good afternoon, Headmaster."

"Good afternoon my child, my don't you look..." he searched for the right word as his smile faltered momentarily, "wonderful today, Hermione." Dumbledore turned to watch Severus approach. "I hope that your Professor provided pleasant company."

"I do believe you have the wrong man if you're using the word 'pleasant' while referring to the venomous Professor Snape." I said sweetly, laying it on thick. "But don't worry, my nanny did his duty. Now if you'll excuse me, I must put my things away."

"Before you go, Miss Granger, I was asked to inform you that Professor McGonagall will be waiting for you in her office in one hour."

"I'll be there Headmaster, thank-you."

* * *

"I see Miss Granger has decided that she needed a new look." Albus said while peering down at me over his glasses. "Where were you while all of this was happening?"

"You only asked me to go with her Albus. I'm not her babysitter," I snapped defensively. "Besides, you said absolutely nothing about what she could and couldn't do with her time and money so I assumed that it did not matter. As to her new appearance I could care less what the chit looks like."

I scowled at him, knowing I was right and daring him silently to say otherwise. He should have known better then to send. As if I gave a damn what the cheeky little chit did with her time and money. And conveniently enough, my answer left out where I had been at the time of her purchases.

"Indeed." He said pensively. "Well then, I trust that we shall be seeing you for supper in the Great Hall?"

"I take my meals in my chambers as often as possible. You know that, Albus."

"You could use a bit of company every now and again, Severus. It does one good to socialize with one's coworkers."

_Yes, and what he really means is this is an order and you could use some annoying people attempting to make friendly conversation with you all night while you wish that you could stuff an apple in their mouths and roast _them _for the main course. If only I could ignore his so-called request for my presence...For once I kept my sarcasm to myself. Surprisingly enough, even I knew when to cut my losses and run. _

"Very Well Headmaster, I shall be there."

_This ought to be an entertaining evening. Who shall I dream longingly, if pointlessly, of choking first?_

* * *

I knocked on the door of the Deputy Headmistress' office tentatively and wondered what this was all about. Had I done something wrong? I ran a mental checklist of everything that I had done since I had arrived at Hogwarts. I assumed that this could not possibly be about my change of wardrobe because she had wanted to see me before I got back.

"Come in Hermione," she called.

I walked in, alive with curiosity and filled with dread.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Alright this chapter is horrible I know but thank-you for your patience with me, I couldn't seem to get into the chapter because I was trying to force it out so I could update for you this week. Its also fairly short but that's ok.....

Thanks to my reviewers from my last chapter. Blessed Be all of you

Angel5blue5, Ponyluver90, Anna-Nanna, Smiles28, redlady27, slytherinserpent13, Fury's Grace, BloodRaider13, Heather MY WONDERFUL BETA I LOVE YOU!!!!, Ivory/Hannah/Lady Deia and many others, Nerfi-Tiri, Dragonmaster Kurai (email me hun!), Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's


	10. Chapter Ten

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I lie awake on a long, dark night  
I can't seem to tame my mind  
Slings and arrows are killing me inside  
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine  
No I can't accept the life that's mine  
  
Simple living is my desperate cry  
Been trading live with indifference yeah it suits me just fine  
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone  
Maybe that's why I fell alone  
Maybe that's why I feel alone"

Creed, Weathered

* * *

Chapter Ten

* * *

"Miss Granger," said McGonagall, not looking up from her desk and the papers that she was correcting, "we contacted your mother about the current situation. She sent us a rather irritated letter back to us for interrupting her vacation. Would you like to see it?'

She gasped and dropped the letter in her hands when she saw my new appearance. I smirked; the look on her face was absolutely priceless. "Dear gods child, what have you done to yourself?"

"I decided that I needed a new look, Professor McGonagall. I was rather tired of the old look, and this one reflects how I feel inside."

She was at a loss for words, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. I struggled to resist the urge to laugh hysterically at the picture she was making. The only thing in the world that would top this moment would be to make the potions professor look at me in such a way.

"Professor, should I go and get Madam Pomfrey for you? You look ill..." I asked in a falsely worried tone. This was too good of a chance not to take a jab at her...

Miraculously she recovered and stopped staring at me like a goldfish. "No, I'm fine Miss Granger, I was just...startled...by your change in appearance. It's very...different."

"What did my mother have to say?" I asked as sweetly as I could manage.

"She was very upset with us having interrupted her vacation no matter what the reason." She replied indignantly. "Honestly it's as if the woman didn't care that you had..." she stopped short, looking like she had just spoken the unspeakable. "Yes well, anyway, whatever you wish to do with the rest of your summer is up to you. She doesn't care. The Headmaster has appointed me your guardian for the time being."

"Alright. Is there anything else you would like to talk to me about?"

"I do believe that is everything for right now, Hermione, but if you need anything please don't hesitate to come and talk to me."

"I won't, I promise." _As if..._ "I'm going back to my chambers then."

Once I was in my chambers I began to thumb through a book I had bought in Diagon Alley on how to change my appearance using various charms and potions. With a notebook and a ballpoint pen ready to take notes I settled in on my couch, completely ready to spend the rest of the afternoon in peace.

* * *

****Albus, we really must do something about this!" Minerva screeched. "The girl is obviously screaming for attention!"

"What would you have me do? Lock the child in her room and make her a prisoner?" Albus asked calmly. "Unless she approaches us or behaves improperly, there is nothing that I can do."

"But that... those disgusting piercings that she has all over her beautiful face!" she shrieked, obviously appalled. "What are we going to do?"

"We are going to do nothing." He said firmly.

"What do you mean we are going to do nothing? You can't just expect me to sit by and watch my prized student mutilate herself with such ghastly and vulgar displays of...of... eccentric independence! I will not have it! I'm going to march down to her chambers, and I'm going to demand that she take those revolting _things _out of her face this instant!"

"You are going to do no such thing, Minerva." Albus almost chuckled as her mouth fell open, seeing that she was absolutely aghast now. "She has done absolutely nothing wrong by changing her appearance and you know it. There are no rules about such piercings, and it isn't even the school year. There aren't any rules for what a student can and cannot wear during his or her free time."

"Surely there is something we can do, Headmaster."

"Yes, there is, Minerva. We can let her do anything she wants or feels the need to do in order to cope with the recent occurrences. Within reason of course. We will let her be herself, and we will be there for her when and if she comes to us in her need. We will stand back and let her be. She will resent us, and our intrusion into her life."

"Yes Headmaster," Minerva replied resignedly.

"She might not realize it Minerva, but she is seventeen turning eighteen this year because of her use of the time turner. In the wizarding world she has been an adult for the past year. We must not push her so far that she feels the need to escape. Hermione must be allowed to follow her own path or we will lose her completely." He smiled at her wearily. "Now, on to other matters. Lemon drop?"

* * *

Severus Snape stared into the empty fire pit in his private quarters. He felt...odd. Something he had thought long dead had stirred in him today at the feeling of Hermione's body pressed so closely to his. It was strange how well her body molded to his, despite the many shopping bags that the chit had clutched in her hands. To have her so close to him, with her arms clutching him tightly, had felt right somehow. It awoke protective instincts in him that were far from paternal and platonic.

He shook himself, it was wrong of him to be thinking of her in this manner; she was student of his. On top of that she was underage and at least twenty years his junior. It was an unacceptable match that she could never want. Imagine what her peers would think! Yet he could not help himself. Not when her scent still lingered on his robes and in his nose.

It was a distinctive and easily identified scent. Years as a Potions Master had honed his senses to function at their maximum potential. Hermione smelled of amber resin, vanilla, and orange blossoms. It was a very peculiar scent that was not normally produced for retail. Therefore I assumed she must have it specially blended for her personally.

He would have to watch himself carefully to ensure that this attraction did not mature into something more, something much more dangerous to the both of them. If Voldemort were ever to find that he had a weakness for this particular student it would be his downfall. Therefore such a weakness must not be given the chance to develop.

Yes, he would have to watch himself very carefully indeed.

A green face that resembled Albus appeared in his fireplace and launched him back into reality and out of his private musings.

"We need you in the staff room, Severus. We need to discuss the upcoming school year among other things."

"I'll be right there, Headmaster."

_Even if my mind was going to be elsewhere no matter what else demanded my attention..._

* * *

Author's Notes:

Yeah! I actually really, really like t way that this chapter turned out! I hope you did too lol. I just took a job that I am no longer going to be around during the week because I'll be living on the jobsite so we'll see how this works out for my writing. But at least it will help my sanity.

Thanks to my Reviewers for Chapter Nine! Malfoy11717, HPfreakout, countrygrl0726, Smiles28, Angel5blue5, Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's: try typing with a cat trying to 'help' you by sitting on your hand that's trying to use the mouse and who insists on getting his say in while your typing by stepping all over the keyboard....


	11. Chapter Eleven

* * *

Author's Note: EEK! its been how long since i was able to update?!?!?!?!?!?! Sowwy.....  
my monitor died a while ack and i have no other computer that i can get on regularly, plus the document was still on my hard drive, andme with no way of accessing it.... but finaly i got my new monitor and finished editing this chapter so i could get it to you all to read!

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I, like a rock, sink  
Sinking 'til I hit the bottom  
The water is much deeper than I thoughtNothing to swim with  
Kicking but I keep sinking  
A lesson that no one could have ever taught... 

Suffocating sinking further almost everyday  
Barely treading water knowing I will not give up"

Pieces, by Hoobastank

* * *

As the summer wore on, time passed by in the usual manner, but life as I had known it had suddenly changed drastically. No longer was I innocent to life's cruelties. Once the initial excitement of my makeover and my new living arrangements wore off, I began to sink deeper and deeper into myself.

My father had betrayed me. No matter how much I might wish it otherwise, I had been forever changed. Things could never go back to the way they were before. I had been verbally and emotionally abused by a man who I had once been able to place absolute faith and trust. Simple things in life that I had once taken for granted as universal truths had come into question. Life had suddenly become exceedingly complicated.

It was true that my parents had never shown me much love growing up, but they had always been there for me in their own way. I had always felt safe with them, and having that preconceived notion destroyed wreaked havoc within my mind.

If that basic safety was never really there and was actually a lie, how many other things could I no longer count on as being true? I worried about all the things that I had once taken for granted. I worried about my friends. Perhaps they too were not as they seemed. As far as I knew, my peers and my guardians were more or less than what they seemed as well. The more I worried the deeper into despair I fell. My world began to disintegrate and fall apart, bit by crumbling bit.

The appearance that I had created became more elaborate each day in an attempt to hide the misery and despair that held me prisoner in my own mind. My moods became as somber and as dark as the colors that I wore. My hairstyles and make-up became more outrageous as each day passed in a desperate attempt to ensure that nobody would see the hopelessness that was taking over.

Once I had looked forward to having hours on end to myself with nothing to do but think and perhaps read, but now I found that if I did not keep my mind busy I began to think things better left unthought. I began to pity myself for the things that my father had done to me and for the troubles that life had decided to place in my path. I spun myself a web of twisted perceptions, worries, and insecurities so intricate that I was soon tangled so completely in it with no hope of escape.

Hopelessness began to take over and I crawled into myself, losing all of my dignity. If my own father did not love me in the way a father is supposed to love his daughter, then why would anyone in his or her right mind love me? If I was worthless to that man, how could anybody ever see anything worthwhile in me?

I was floundering in a sea of misery, drowning without any sign of rescue on the horizon.

**

* * *

**

_I was Severus Snape and I cared for nobody._

I was carved from granite and I looked out only for myself. Everyone else could find their own way in this cruel world alone, just as I had. Nobody had ever given a rat's ass about me when I was young, so why should I ever go out of my way to help somebody. I had learned early how cruel the world was and the sooner students learned that same lesson the better off they were.

My classroom was not a place that students came to for comfort; it was a place they came to for knowledge. The lessons they learned in that room were lessons on more then just potions. I got no perverse pleasure out of seeing students cower and tremble before me in the classroom, contrary to popular belief. I wasn't there to coddle students and to encourage them. I was there to show them how the world really was. If I wrapped them in false kindness and security then they would have little protection against the real world, and that protection would pop as easily as bubble wrap.

Students looked upon me with fear, dread, and sometimes even hatred. I became known as the greasy git, the overgrown bat, and other nicknames. I knew what they called me when they thought I wasn't listening and I didn't care. I wasn't about to change the way I was so that the students would love me.

So why did I find myself caring that Miss Granger was falling into the rapidly declining spiral of self-pity and self-destruction? Why did I look at her and feel the uncomfortable twinges of compassion that I had not felt in over a decade? Why did I feel the compelling need to help her when I had simply watched others and done nothing?

I knew the answer to these questions even though I did not want to admit it. More then any other, she reminded me of myself. And she was the first student who had defied me without fear and more astonishingly, without hatred. Some strange force moved me to help her and I found that I cared.

_Too bad Albus did not know what was going on in my head. He would feel the urge to celebrate and write this day down in the history books. That man would take perverse pleasure in ruining my image as the unfeeling bastard of Hogwarts. Thank the gods for small conveniences._

* * *

Minerva McGonagall was absolutely disgusted by Hermione's new appearance. Every time she saw Miss Granger she wanted to rant and rave at the girl for being so juvenile and so foolish. Minerva would treat the girl as nicely and as sweetly as possible and she would ignore those obscene clothes and the revolting jewelry that the girl persisted in wearing. Hermione was better than this, and somebody needed to remind her of her place.

That nose ring... She wanted to rip it out every time she looked at Hermione. She looked like lowlife scum. Minerva firmly believed that no respectable person dressed like that. To think that she was the smartest student Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had seen in centuries! _Honestly!_ _That girl had mourned long enough and it was time to get on with her life, _she thought

Hermione was obviously was upset about the way her father had treated her, but her behavior and dress of late was simply unacceptable. It was all well and good to pout and be distraught for a while, but to go on and on like this was unreasonable. Tragic as it was, life goes on. Her father was obviously scum and wasn't worth a second thought.

All she needed was some serious mothering and she would come around and see things in a sensible light once more, Minerva thought. Hermione needed to know that she was loved and that she was safe here at Hogwarts. She would have to pamper the girl and act like she understood, which she didn't, and shower her with kindness. Then Hermione would smarten up and be rational once more.

Yes, that was what needed to be done. Albus might want to sit there and let things work out on their own, but she wasn't about to let her prized student ruin herself with childish ideas. Minerva was going to make that child be sensible if she had to bash it into her head.

* * *

The library was still my favorite retreat from the world that haunted me. I found solace in books. I lost myself in their beloved pages, allowed for a brief time to forget how useless and worthless I truly was and pretend that I was someone else, somewhere else. I traveled through time and space as I read. I soaked up knowledge as well.

Currently I was reading a book I had brought from my house: _Neverwhere_ by Neil Gaimon. I wished that I would fall through the cracks and live in a different world. Like the main character had, perhaps that world might make more sense then this one did. Or perhaps this world of witchcraft and wizardry was my 'Neverwhere,' and I needed to fall back through the cracks into the real world. I would fall out of this madness into a reality where fathers loved their daughter, and treated them with kindness, keeping them safe from harm rather then causing it.

I looked up as I heard somebody entering the library and saw my head of house making her way through the maze of tables towards me. She looked around as if searching for something and saw me. Her eyes lit up and she walked towards me with a determined look upon her face. I marked my page and put my book down on the table, crossing my hands. Obviously she had something she wanted to say to me.

"There you are Miss Granger, I thought I might find you here." She sat down next to me in a chair and smiled at me. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm getting along well enough I suppose," I said as nonchalantly as I could manage.

"Are you truly, Hermione dear?" McGonagall asked, her voice dripping with kindness. "Anybody in their right mind would be upset after what happened. I'm sure that you are absolutely distraught. It would have turned my world upside down."

"Well..." I admitted, "I suppose I'm having trouble dealing with it."

She looked eager to hear more, too eager. She wanted me to spill all of my doubts and insecurities right now. She looked ready to drag them from my lips if I let her. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned backwards in my chair, unconsciously closing myself off to her in self-defense.

She reached out her hand and put it on my shoulder and smiled her sticky sweet and oh so fake smile at me. "I want you to know that anytime you need to talk I'm here for you. I understand what you're going through."

She gave my shoulder a final squeeze and stood up swiftly. With a final sticky-sweet smile she left. I shuddered. _That was beyond creepy._ What on earth did she want from me?

* * *

Author's Notes:

Thanks to all of my reviweres and thanks to my beta reader Heather! (I like having sticky-sweet in there so sticks her tounge out at you lol


	12. Chapter Twelve

* * *

The Things We Hide   
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Drag this neurotic to hysterics.   
Leave him balked and unfulfilled   
Holding inside outwardly patient   
'till the time he'll call it.   
Alluring exotic twisted hero leaving him more lonely.   
Still he waits around he's spun around and   
Left without the power to stop it.   
Peers don't know what they can't see,   
They can't see inside of me   
Its sickening how comforting   
The privacy of the mind can be" 

How Much Longer, by Eve Six

* * *

Chapter Twelve

* * *

I put down my book with a sigh and turned to gaze outside the window of the astronomy tower. A smile graced my lips and I leaned my head on my hand, admiring the landscape wistfully. Autumn had arrived with swift grace, settling itself atop the world like a blanket in every direction as far as I could see. Color enveloped the landscape like confetti. 

The lush emerald tones of spring and summer had given way to the onset of autumn's bright and crisp colors. The forest glittered like topaz, rubies, amber, and citrine quartz. The air had become crisp, and each morning frost decorated the castle widows. The deep sleep of winter was ensnaring Mother Nature in its enchanting embrace, and slowly she was blissfully succumbing to Father Winter's gentle command.

Fall had arrived with grace so swift that at first I had not noticed because of my own inner turmoil. It would be bliss to be able to join Mother Nature in her seasonal slumber, but unfortunately I was bound by the trappings of daily life. Misery enveloped me once more and I fought the urge to cry.

The change from fall to summer mimicked the changes that had occurred in my life, though it was not so drastic. I wished I could be innocent once more, all the while knowing that such a wish was futile. I could never return to being the child I was. Even before my father had reminded me how malicious and abysmal humanity could be I had already been too far along the path of maturity to turn back. But still, I longed for the security that innocence had offered me. It would be so wonderful to be able to sleep without nightmares again...

I stayed to watch the sun dip below the horizon. Sunsets were the only thing better than the colors of autumn. It was my favorite time of day. When night had descended and the moon had risen I realized that it was time to go. It was too dark to read anymore and supper would be ready soon. Reluctantly I pulled my things together and wrapped my cloak around my body, grateful for its warmth.

The corridors were dark and I regretted not having the foresight to bring a lantern with me. I didn't have my wand on my person either. I had nothing to fear in the empty corridors of Hogwarts. The ghosts seemed to disappear over the summer. Not even Peeves was about, having nobody to harass with the students and Filch gone. The Professors weren't sporting enough, being all too quick with a wand and a curse. But in the darkness, that now familiar feeling of unease began to surface once more; I quickened my pace becoming nervous. Being very careful never hurt anyone. I had absolutely no desire to delay my return to the safety of my rooms any longer than necessary.

Once back in my rooms, a sigh of relief escaped my lips and my heavy breathing returned to normal. I hated feeling this way. I hated what my father's treachery had done to my psyche. I wanted things to return to normal more then anything in the world. But more then anything, I wanted to be afraid no longer.

Looking back I was now able to recognize the caution my mother exerted around my father as what it truly was. I realized that she had once been the subject of his dementia and deceit. I remembered how she had always taken care to ensure that he did not get any alcohol into his system and avoided him at all costs when he did. She had known the monster he was, and she had left me alone with him not caring about anybody but herself. Her reply to the letter the Headmistress had sent proved that.

Until she had announced her divorce and taken off on a vacation to who knows where for who knows how long, my father had always behaved himself around me. I didn't know when he had hit her but I knew that he had before and that she had been afraid he would do it again. That guarded look in her eyes had become more and more visible every visit home each year, but she had always told me it was nothing when I asked her what was wrong. I cursed my foolish acceptance of her answers.

All I knew that was when I was home he always behaved himself, or at least kept good enough control of himself only to hit her where it would not show. I didn't even know if it was something he started doing after I started attending Hogwarts or before. All I knew was that I could no longer hold that man in my mind as any sort of father figure. No man who acted that way deserved the honor and trust that the word 'father' implied.

I blamed my mother for all that had happened to me. She had known that man for what he was and had still she had left me alone with him. Perhaps she had thought that since he had controlled his actions when I was around, I would be safe. But she was wrong. Scum like that didn't care who they were hitting, and with their favorite target removed they would soon find another. A person that demented didn't care who they were torturing. They only cared for the high they got over making a person scream in pain. The louder their pitiful victim screamed, the more it aroused them and the more powerful they felt.

No, she knew what sort of man he was and still she left me alone with him. She went off on her own not caring where she left her own daughter. All that woman had cared about was that she was away from him. She was just as bad a parent as he was. She had not done the deed, but she had given me to him in her place. By not thinking of the consequences she was just as guilty. And I hated her for that.

I walked over to my bookcase and stared at the titles before me. Books by muggle authors like Anne Bishop, Terry Brooks, David Eddings, and Mercedes Lackey filled my shelves. As did classic novels by authors such as Louisa May Alcott and Jack London. My taste in literature ranged from books that would allow me to escape into an alternate reality to books that would quench my forever unfulfilled desire for knowledge. I loved the written word more than anything else in the world.

Music had once fulfilled the same need in a different way, but with the realization that electronics would not work within the school grounds I turned to books more and more. My stereo system and CDs from my house lay on a table in the corner of my living room collecting dust in a lonely display. Music was not longer an option for respite from daily life, so I became more and more dependant on the comfort of the written word to get me through. Without their solace I would not have made it through the last six years with my sanity intact.

Music was the same for me. I was always able to lose myself in the ecstasy of song. The rhythm consumed me. No matter how pathetic my life was I knew that there was somebody else who felt the way I did. If I was angry or sad I turned on the radio. If I was happy I turned on the radio. Music was another escape. But as CD players and other electronics did not work at Hogwarts my CDs and stereo system lay on a table. Without Music to turn to I became even more reliant on books to see me through life.

Life was a forbidden fruit that you only got a single chance to taste. Ignoring the possibility of reincarnation, you only had one change to savor that succulent and sweet nectar. With only one taste there was only one possibility and once that singular mouthful of fruit had been consumed there was no more. The soul longed for another taste, another chance to revel in the luscious flavor of that fruit. Each bite was immeasurably small, and there were some who would never be satisfied with that one microscopic piece. Still, you only got one bite no matter how much they longed for another.

Books were another sort of fruit almost as sweet a delicacy as the forbidden fruit. You could sample as many books as you wanted and there would still be hundreds more at your disposal, hundreds of flavors before them. Books were a glimpse into another world, another lifetime that allowed the reader to pretend that she was somebody else. She could forget her life, and forget the bitterness of the world. Books were an escape and that was why I read. That was why I could not help but constantly yearn for the next book, for the next adventure...

A bell rang in the school and I noticed that it was time for supper. Gathering myself together and grabbing my wand, I began to walk down to the Great Hall.

* * *

Author's Notes:

* * *

Hey thanks to everybody who reviewed the last chapter, I hope you like this one. I'm rather proud of the first part lol... 

Please Review!

Blesed be,   
Raven Lynne


	13. Chapter Thirteen

* * *

The Things We hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I feel the dream in me expire  
and there's no one left to blame it on  
I hear you label me a liar  
'cause I can't seem to get this through  
You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah  
Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here 

And I am aware now of how  
everything's gonna be fine one day  
Too late, I'm in hell  
I am prepared now,  
seems everyone's gonna be fine  
One day too late; just as well

And I'm not scared now.  
I must assure you,  
you're never gonna get away  
And I'm not scared now.  
And I'm not scared now. No…"

Fine Again, by Seether

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

Torture was one of the Dark Lord's specialties. He was knowledgeable in all sorts of magical and physical tortures and how they affected the body. When it came to causing physical pain, he had no equal. Voldemort even knew a thing or two about causing mental and emotional anguish as well, but there his talents did not excel. 

However, he was incapable of deeply scarring a person because he lacked one single and vital capability. To truly damage a person you had to be able to understand them, and he never wasted the time to get to know anybody, not even his own Death Eaters. He didn't understand emotions such as love beyond how to exploit them. And while it was scaring to watch somebody you cared deeply for be tortured and raped, there were far, far worse things that could be done to a person.

There were many, many ways to scar somebody. You could twist their minds and their emotions so horribly that the person would never be whole again no matter how normal they appeared outwardly. It was amazing how well you could hide your feelings when you wanted. The longer you held a mask in place the more impenetrable it became, and the easier it was to hide. But the self loathing and misery was always there, just below the surface. In order to not fall into fathomless depression you became cold as stone. I was a classic example of that testimony, and Hermione was fast becoming one as well. I couldn't help but wonder at the damage that had been done to her.

Of course there were more subtle forms of torture. Such as staff meetings. Albus knew me well and yet he still forced me to attend those things. It was as if he found some sick and perverted pleasure in making me listen to the constant whining and idiotic complaints of the other staff and their so called "preparations" for the upcoming school year. Disgust clouded my features and I snorted mockingly at their stupidity.

Bored, I swirled my wine glass around contemplatively. The rich blood-colored liquid glittered in the candlelight. I took a sip and relished in the sensual pleasures of the wine as it rained down my throat like liquid velvet, igniting my body. It was an old vintage and very strong. Warmth spread through my veins like wildfire and I smiled to myself.

"But she isn't changing Albus! The girl is still moping around the castle senselessly." Minerva whined.

The shrill voice interrupted my reverie. I winced, wishing I could block out my ears, but instead I began to pay attention in spite of myself. I worried for the girl because I understood her issues. At this point I saw no reason to involve myself in her predicament as Minerva did. She was mourning still, and unlike the Headmistress, I understood how important that was.

"Minerva, give her time. She will come around." Albus replied.

It was natural to grieve over the loss of a trusted parent, and even more so to find out that they were not so trustworthy after all. She hadn't quite gotten to the point of no return as of yet. I knew the signs all too well and I intended on keeping a close eye on her just in case. For some reason I found myself caring about her predicament. I wasn't about to let her become what I had in my despair; I would not let her follow in my footsteps.

I turned to the fireplace and stared into it blankly, watching the flames dance erotically. They twisted and turned gracefully, burning with a passion unknown as their rhythms became more intense and swift. My attention once again came back to the conversation as I heard address me.

"Severus, Hermione has requested to go into London again and I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany her. As long as she doesn't come back with any more piercings, that is..." The Headmaster arched his eyebrow and looked at me reproachfully.

"If I must I will escort her. I have to restock my potion supplies for the upcoming school year anyway; I could do that while I was there rather than wasting time on a separate trip. Just don't expect me to play babysitter, Albus. I'll be there to make sure she isn't in any danger. But if the chit decides to do something eccentric I'm not going to waste my time stopping her."

He sighed. "Very Well, Severus."

"This is ridiculous Severus; can't you manage to control a simple child?" Minerva snapped and my temper rose. "Good Lord! I'll take the girl into London, Albus. Maybe I'll be able to get her out of this rut she is in. And at least _I'll_ manage to keep her in line."

I glared at her in response, not seeing fit to waste my breath on the woman. Really, she was quite pathetic sometimes. Albus would most likely take her side on this one so it really wasn't worth opening my mouth. Yes, a simple death glare would do.

_Oh if only looks could kill._

I wondered how Hermione was going to be able to stand a full day of Minerva in mother-mode. How disgustingly annoying... What I would give to be a fly on the wall to se how she dealt with the woman for a whole afternoon without killing her. No doubt she would attempt to keep her in the "well- respected" areas of Diagon Alley and completely away from the muggle district.

_Voldemort truly had a lot to learn about the depths of torture._

* * *

Author's Note:

* * *

I'm sorry about the wait for this chapter but I was in a serious car accident and ended up with quite a few injuries. A tow truck hit me on my driver's side of my little Voltz. Jetta. I'm lucky to have been able to walk out of it with nothing more then seriously bruised bones. Then I found out when I was able to go back to work that I was getting fired for some made up reason that they have given to several employees other then myself already. So this story is going to be updated very slowly for a while until I am able to completely recover, because typing really, really, hurts… Sorry. 

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne

* * *


	14. Chapter Fourteen

* * *

Author's Note: 

YES! I DO STILL EXIST! NO! I haven't forgotten about all of you. The last few months have been really hard and I've only just started working again and it's not even enough money to really get me by. My savings are almost completely gone. Actually they ran out this month to be exact…

You know how it is. Bills, bills, bills….

Hope you like this chapter, sorry for the long wait, made it a little longer then usual so that hopefully you have more to enjoy! Hope the wait was worth it! Please Review!

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone 

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone"

Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

* * *

"Oh! Hermione dear, look at this lovely plaid skirt! Wouldn't that look just wonderful on you with that white blouse there?" Minerva said enthusiastically. "That vest is so adorable. It would look stunning on you. Much better then that droll set you're wearing now, don't you think? You just _have_ to try this on!" 

I clenched my fists together by my sides, grinding my teeth in annoyance. This was the fourth outfit in the fourth store she had tried to get me to try on and buy. I was ready to scream. I seriously doubted that Azkaban could really be as as tortuous as this woman was being today.

"Actually, Professor," I growled, "I think it's hideous. I am quite happy with the clothes that I am wearing now. They suit my mood quite perfectly, thank-you. I would appreciate it if you left me alone and stopped bothering me about what I was wearing. Contrary to your belief I wanted to come to London today to have fun. Not to have you drag me along while you window shop and try on new robes and insult what I am wearing"

"Don't be daft, Hermione. Now get in here right now so we can try this outfit on."

"You try it on if you like it so much." I was extremely annoyed. Why couldn't Dumbledore have just sent Professor Snape again? At least he didn't yack my damn ear off.

She ignored me and continued to ramble on and on about various outfits that she persisted in plucking out of the racks. I decided it was high time to ditch this witch; she was getting on my last nerve. My hand was twitching violently around my wand as I thought of hundreds of curses I'd love to throw at her. I just couldn't tolerate any more of her yapping.

_Great Gods she's driving me up the bloody wall!_

I watched as she headed towards the dressing rooms with a giant stack of clothing on her arms. All I needed was one second, just one second, for her to look away and I could be rid of her. Once I got into muggle London she wouldn't stand a chance of tracking me down until I felt like letting her. The Headmistress would stand out far too much to follow me. That would also give me time to enjoy myself thoroughly.

I thanked whatever gods were listening as a gaggle of witches wandered between myself and Professor McGonagall. I bolted towards the door. The streets of Diagon Alley were crowded, thankfully. I easily mingled and lost myself in the crowd. I laughed silently as I heard her screechy voice calling my name loudly. I could hear the annoyance in her tone. I would be walking out the front door of the Leaky Cauldron and onto the public transport faster then she would be able to catch up with me in this crowd.

I explored downtown London enthusiastically and in much better spirits then when I had been accompanied by my annoying Head of House. I was comfortable on my own despite the dangers that awaited a young girl out on her own. Perhaps I should have been more worried; however my own father had proven more dangerous then any crowd I had ever faced. I felt that I could handle myself so long as nobody got too close to me.

I found a bookshop that I loved and headed inside. I wandered through each row reading every section and scanning the titles. There was romance, mystery, horror, science fiction and fantasy, and then there was a section I had never noticed before. New Age. I paused, scanning the titles with curiously. What I saw blew my mind away. The muggles had books on Witchcraft and Wizardry. Who knew?

I pulled out a few books and scanned through the contents. There was never a book that didn't interest me, and knowledge was knowledge no matter what form in came in. Perhaps a few of these would help me to keep my mind occupied. I sat there for at least an hour reading a bit here and there so that I could get a good feel for the books. In the end I picked out a few books by an author called Silver Ravenwolf, and a few others that had caught my eye. I had a total of ten books picked out from the new age section and five others from the fantasy section. I figured that I would need quite a few to read. Considering the stunt I pulled today on McGonagall, I doubted I would be allowed back into London for quite a while.

* * *

It was sunset by the time I reached the Leaky Cauldron, and to my surprise it was not McGonagall that sat at a table waiting for me, but Professor Snape instead. I smiled and headed over towards where he sat. 

_Imagine that, I'm happier to see Snape, the greasy git, then I am to see my own Head of House. Miracles do happen._

He looked up as I pulled the chair out and sat down. "Its quite late you know. Minerva was quite put out when she realized what you had done and stomped all the way back to Dumbledore." He commented nonchalantly. "You are lucky that I had to come and restock my potion supplies or there would have been an extremely irate professor here to welcome you."

He took a long sip from his glass, staring down at me over it the whole time.

"Sir, you aren't mad at me?" I asked quietly, and a bit confused.

"You haven't inconvenienced me in any way, so no I am not. I was looking forward to an evening out and now I have had it. However, you will be punished for your actions today. Have no doubt of that. I do understand why you disappeared like that on her though. The woman has been an absolute nuisance of late, and I'm sure that I would have done the same if I had been in your place. Never do it again. Next time you feel the need for a bit of freedom, simply come to me and I'll see to it that you are able to go out with me instead of her or some other annoying fool."

I looked at him in shock. He just offered himself as my companion for all of my future outings. Where was the slimy and greasy Potions Master, feared by all and loved by none? He was… smiling… at me… The fact that he was smiling at me was beyond creepy, but it did amazing things to his face. The stone features of his expression were softened and he looked younger, happier.

"Thank-you professor."

"Hermione, in private and among ourselves I think it would be appropriate for you to call me Severus." He grabbed a menu from beside him and was suddenly all business. "Now, since we will have missed supper at the castle, what would you like to eat?"

_Did he just call me Hermione? What happened to Miss Granger? Wait, what happened, supper? We're eating dinner together?_

"Sir?" he raised his eyebrows and looked at me with an amused smirk. "I mean, Severus."

"Pick something to eat, Hermione, we're having supper at the Leaky Cauldron. It's on me, don't worry about it. I've already cleared it with the Headmaster."

'Alright," I replied. _This day was just getting weirder and weirder. What parallel universe did I just walk into?_ "If you're sure." I smiled wholeheartedly for the first time in weeks, and the last thing he said to me when our meals were served had was so priceless that I would remember it for weeks afterwards.

"Minerva had a spectacular temper tantrum when she got back, such a shame that you missed it."

* * *

"Yes, but if you were to use arrowroot to change the consistency of the potion…" 

"No, no, no! Arrowroot would change the outcome of the potion if not nullify its effects on the body completely. You'd have to use something else in combination with the phoenix tears to keep the consistency of the potion the same in order to achieve the same results. Perhaps powdered kelp would work instead. Arrowroot would render too many of the other potions ingredients useless."

"Your right, I concede," I answered.

"Of course I'm right, Hermione, I am not called Potions Master for nothing. I did have to go to school for an additional three years after graduating Hogwarts, and receive an internship for another two years. Not including various seminars that I have attended to make sure that my knowledge is continuously updated and always remains current."

I laughed. "My, aren't you full of yourself, Severus Snape. You could use a healthy slice of humble pie."

"Indeed." He said in reply, lacking the usual sneer in his voice and demeanor. "You make excellent company, Hermione. I did not expect to actually enjoy myself this evening. We have returned quite a bit later then I intended. It is well after eleven in the evening."

"Oh my, did we really talk that long." I suppressed another tremble from cold, not wanting to show weakness in front of Severus. "I've had a good time, too."

"Yes we did. Did you not notice that we were the last people at the leaky Cauldron, and that as we were leaving Tom was closing up for the night? It was at least nine then."

An icy wind whipped though my hair and I could not hold in a shiver this time. I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth. "No wonder it has gotten so cold out. At this time of night you can tell that it's fall. The nights begin to get crisp. Mother Nature never cared much for official dates, did she? It's only the middle of August."

'You're shivering!" Snape exclaimed, just noticing. "You should have said something. It's bad enough that I've kept you so late, but if you catch cold Poppy will have my head mounted on the wall faster then you can sneeze. Here, use my cloak."

"Oh but you will…"

"Hush," he put his finger to my lips and quieted me. "I insist."

I tried to ignore the shiver of an entirely different nature that raced down my spine. With a touch far more gentle then I could have ever imagined him capable of he placed the cloak around my shoulders and instantly I felt the warmth return to my body. It was charmed to keep the wearer comfortable no matter what temperature.

He left his hand on my shoulder and I began to grow nervous. I noticed how close to me he was standing as we walked. I noticed that it was so late that we were completely and totally alone on this path between Hogsmede and Hogwarts. If he were to try anything we were completely isolated. There was no moon tonight either, so if he had wanted to he could have easily silenced me with a spell and raped me then and there. He was a far superior wizard then I was. He could simply use obliviate to wipe my memory of the incident and nobody would be the wiser for it.

I tensed up completely. I assured myself over and over again that he meant me no harm. He was my professor! Dumbledore trusted him. But what if he was wrong, what if Severus Snape was a Double Agent, really a Death Eater misleading the Order the way he was supposed to be deceiving Voldemort. I could not help but feel nervous. What if he tried to touch me? What if… My breathing quickened and I lost focus. Paranoia won. Suddenly I didn't know where I was or what was going on.

I was trapped inside my memories, within my mind I was reliving the moments that my dad had attacked me and tried to rape me. I could not see what was around me, I could only feel the strong embrace of a man around me, holding me captive and I fought against him. I screamed, and cried hysterically.

"No don't do it! NO!"

Eventually I calmed down and when I came too I was on the cold damp ground with Severus' arms wound tightly around me. He was rocking me back and forth and stroking my hair calmingly. I wrapped my arms around him and cried those cleansing tears that I had previously been holding back. I felt relieved as if a burden had been lifted from my body heart, and soul. The pain was still there but I felt as if I could manage for now.

"Severus…"

"Hush, Hermione, I've got you. Everything is going to be ok. Nobody is going to hurt you again. Now while I am here." He murmured gently into my ear. "Can you stand?"

"Yes I can…"

But I couldn't. I found myself completely exhausted. Crying like that had sapped the rest of my strength and I found I had nothing left to give. I collapsed like a rag doll in Severus' arms.

"I'm sorry," I said hoarsely, "but I guess I cant."

"It's ok, don't worry, I'll take care of you." His voice was gentle and soothing.

Severus bent down and picked me up gently as if I might break, cradling me against his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and curled my head into the crook of his neck. I doubted that this was a side of Severus Snape that many were allowed the chance to see. Soon I found myself asleep in his arms.

* * *

_  
Hush, Hermione, I've got you. Everything is going to be ok. Nobody is going to hurt you again. I'm here._

I ran the words over in my head over and over again as I held the limp Hermione in my arms. The words that I had uttered thoughtlessly in reply to her need troubled me. I had never been a caring man and was not the type to play 'knight in shining armor.' It just wasn't who I was. I looked down at her, she looked at peace finally.

I found myself fiercely protective of this girl, no woman, in my arms. More protective then I could remember being for anybody else in my life. I had meant those words with all my being when I said them. No matter how impulsively I had spoken, I had meant every word. I wanted to protect her from the world.

It shamed me to find that I liked her like this too, in my arms, her body cradled up against mine. It had felt good when I had held her shaking form up against my body. Too good. I was old enough to be her father. On top of that I was her teacher for another year. No, I had simply been alone for far too long. Perhaps there had been some sense in Albus' incessant meddling in my love life.

I lay Hermione down in my bed and covered her gently with my blankets. Then I sat down in the bedside chair, watching her. Muttering a spell under my breath, I lit the fire. Golden firelight danced across her face, lighting up her brass colored hair. She had blossomed into a beautiful woman. In fact, I remembered that she had been given the use of a time turner in her third year at Hogwarts, which meant she would be turning eighteen this year and not seventeen. I wondered if she knew.

I did not have long to ponder anything however, for soon, I too had fallen asleep.

* * *

Please Read and Review! Hope you liked it!

* * *


	15. Chapter Fifteen

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

How many times have I done this to myself?  
How long will it take before I see?  
When will this hole in my heart be mended?  
Who now is left alone but me? 

Solitude  
Forever me and forever you  
Solitude  
Only you, Only true

Everyone leaves me stranded,  
forgotten, abandoned  
left behind.  
I can't stay here another night

Your Secret Admirer, By Evanescence .

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

* * *

_  
I stood in the middle of a renaissance ballroom, surrounded by people who stood motionlessly as if trapped and frozen in time. I wore a period dress of russet and my hair was piled on my head and delicate curls framed my face. Long peach colored gloves covered my arms. I walked through them desperately trying to find someone, or something. I knew not what I searched for, only that it was imperative that I find it soon._

_Then the crowd parted and a man stepped forward. Joy filled my heart and I ran into his open arms and found solace in his warm embrace. I looked up into his eyes and kissed him. He pulled me onto the dance floor and we waltzed. My head leaning on his shoulder, I sighed his name lovingly._

_"Severus."_

_And I knew now that everything was going to be alright._

I woke from the dream feeling more peaceful then I had in the weeks since my father raped me. I looked around the room not knowing where I was, and panic began to rise again. Firelight danced across the room, giving a seductive sort of ambiance to the room. In an armchair half facing the fire I saw the shadowed form of a man and faint snores reached my ear. He turned towards the light of the fire and I saw that he was none other then Professor Snape.

The events of the night before came back to me and I remembered sobbing into his arms. I assumed that I must have fallen asleep after crying. I flushed with shame. I hated other people seeing me cry. I hated other people knowing that I cried. It was a weakness. My father had always told me that big girls didn't cry and that I was stupid for crying. When I was sick as a child, my parents had acted as if I were faking it just to get attention. I was scolded for acting like I was sick. I was yelled at for falling down and hurting myself and treated like I had done it on purpose. I learned to hide my weaknesses. I learned to hide it when I cried. There was no comfort for the weak but what consolation they granted themselves. So I had always cried alone whenever possible. Tears were a weakness not meant to be seen.

Quietly I got up out of bed and tiptoed across the floor, taking a soft but warm blanket from the end of the bed. When I reached his sleeping form I gently threw the blanket over him and tucked it behind his shoulders praying that he would not wake up. It was the least I could do considering that he gave up his bed to me.

I studied his face, lines of frustration and irritation smoothed in sleep. The scowling expression was wiped from his face and he looked at peace. He looked younger now then he did when he was awake. "We mask that grins and lies," I quoted softly to myself. I found myself wondering what lay beneath the mask of Professor Snape, found myself wondering who Severus really was. I resisted the temptation to run my hands through his thick hair and move it away from his face. I did not want him waking up with me standing over him. Who knew what his reaction would be to me then.

I walked back over to the bed and climbed back under the silky sheets that I now knew to be his. The bed was undeniably comfortable and warm. I buried my head back into one of the downy soft pillows and soon found myself asleep again.

* * *

I woke up just after dawn as always and realized how very uncomfortable I was. My back was stiff loudly protesting my upright position. I stood up carefully and stretched to try and ease the tension of my aching muscles. 

I did not intend to fall asleep in the bedroom on the chair. Indeed, it would have been much more comfortable to lay down on the sofa in the outer chambers instead. However I had been comfortable warm all night thanks to the blanket that I had discovered wrapped around my shoulders. Pondering the appearance of said blanket I quietly exited my bedchambers.

I paused at the door and glanced over at Hermione. She looked peaceful. The blankets were tossed all around her sleeping form and her hair was spread out across the pillows. She was beautiful, I realized. Her hair was almost golden in the sunlight that poured in through the window I had magicked to show the school grounds despite my dungeon abode.

My coffee was exactly where it belonged when I entered the main chamber of my suite and I picked it up. By the time I had finished my first cup I heard the faint rustle of the bedcovers and I realized that Hermione was now awake.

"Good morning Hermione."

"Morning Professor."

"Would you like some coffee? I get a fresh pot full every morning from the kitchen."

"No thank-you. I'm more of a tea person myself. Coffee may smell divine, but I absolutely hate the flavor of it."

I stirred in 4 spoons full of sugar and a liberal amount of cream into my coffee. To my left, I heard a slight giggle. I turned towards my guest with raised eyebrows. I could hear smothered giggles despite the hand that covered her mouth.

"Do you find something amusing?"

"Have some coffee with your sugar, Professor?"

I simply scowled at her in response. It seemed the safest answer. Unfortunately, she was not impressed.

"I'm Sorry I just imagined you to be the kind of person to drink your coffee strait up and black as can be." She giggled and I saw a mischievous glint appear in her eyes. "After all, that scowl had to be caused by something."

"You may find this surprising Miss Granger," I said dryly, "but I have a sweet tooth. I do not like bitter coffee. And this stuff that Dumbledore likes to think of as coffee is very bitter. And I thought we discussed that you call me Severus until we are back in classes." I paused. "Although, perhaps you should continue to refer to me as Professor Snape in front of the rest of the staff. We wouldn't want them to have heart-attacks at the impropriety of it."

"No, we wouldn't want that now would we." She replied impishly.

I watched her covertly from the corner of my eyes as she stared into the empty fireplace. She looked around the room carefully, taking note of the decor. I wondered what she thought of it, and voiced the question.

"I like it, and as much as I wouldn't have guessed this to be to your tastes it suits you. The furniture is elegant and looks like it is styled from the romantic era, with a slightly modern gothic appeal. I would have assumed there to be more green in the suite considering your house colors but the only place I found any green at all is in the bedroom. Even then it's a deep emerald and hunter green tone and not the bright green of your house colors. Actually, I also prefer colors in a darker pallet. Our tastes are very much alike."

I nodded nonchalantly at her admission that we had very similar tastes in decoration, mildly surprised. Much of my furniture could have been said to be bulky, but it was very elegant and fashionable, although large. My main chamber was decorated in blues. My Library, which she could not see as of yet was done in burgundy. The bathroom was black and white.

"Speaking of improper, Professor why did I sleep in your rooms at all? Wont the Headmaster and the other Professors have strokes when they find out."

I started. Shit. I had fallen asleep and not remembered to floo the Headmaster the previous night before I had fallen asleep. "Dammit," I hissed. "I'll have to floo the Headmaster now and explain to him what happened last night. He'll understand. Besides, I would never take advantage of a student and he knows that. Or at least I hope he does."

I stirred my coffee and stared into it. Yes, the headmaster and I knew each other very well. He would understand completely when I told him of the events that led to Hermione falling asleep in my arms. I supposed that I could have carried her back to her chambers and persuaded the dragon to open her door for me but the thought hadn't occurred to me. I had simply done as I usually did and headed towards my own chambers.

In her distraught condition I wanted to have her near me in case she was upset when she awoke. I wanted to be able to assure her that everything was okay. I wanted to be able to hold her and calm her down. The admission surprised me and startled me, though I did not let it show and would not confess it aloud to anyone. But as I had realized last night, I had a strong urge, no need, to protect Hermione.

I looked over at her and smiled. "I assume you know how to summon an outfit from your own chambers, correct?"

"Yes, of course I do, but why?"

"I would suggest that you bathe and change your clothes, because while Albus will understand I am not so sure about the rest of the staff. It would be best for both of our sakes that you not be seen exiting my chambers too early in the morning in the same clothes as the night before. Speculations would be made that neither you nor I need."

"Oh, of course."

"Come the bathroom is this way."

I put my hand on the small of her back as we both stood up and lead her to the bathroom. As she shut the door I stared at it for a moment, wondering what this strangeness that I felt was. I really needed to get out more…

* * *

When I walked back out of the bathroom, refreshed and much more awake I could hear Severus and the Headmaster talking. I stepped back in the doorway of the bathroom and strained to hear their conversation, somehow knowing that it was about me. 

"Is she all right though Severus? After all she has gone through a lot more then any child should have to endure."

"She was upset Albus, understandably so I might add. However, I don't know what triggered it. Miss Granger is holding up very well though, and I wouldn't worry too much about her. Hermione is strong, Albus. Not all of it is a mask, and though she hides it well I know she is still hurting. She'll talk to someone in time or find her own way of dealing with it eventually."

"Of course, Severus. Minerva is still understandably upset and put out about yesterday though."

"Minerva's meddling will only make things worse. Miss granger will deal with her trauma in her own way, and if she feels she has to dress differently then let her. She's harming nobody. Tell Minerva to back down or I'll say something. She's been through enough already without her head of house making her feel like even more of an outcast."

'I'll tell her Severus."

"Besides Headmaster, Haven't you ever dreamed of doing the same thing when Minerva gets into one of those 'I know what's best for you even if you don't' moods? Wish I had thought of it years ago, much better then attempting to drone her out."

I heard the headmaster laugh. "Between you and me, I'll agree with you on that point my dear boy. Now I have other matters to attend to now that this has been settled. Good day."

"You can come out now Hermione," Severus called out after a few moments silence.

I pouted at him as I rounded the corner. "How did you know I was there?"

"I heard the water shut off when you got out of the shower, and somehow I never got the impression that you were that high maintenance to be in the bathroom for that long getting ready. And it was too quiet in that direction when Albus and I stopped talking. Had I heard you doing something in there I would not have assumed you to be listening in."

"Good deduction, Sherlock."

He merely raised his eyes at me.

"Sorry, it's a muggle saying, from a well known if not well read series of mystery novels about a detective named Sherlock Holmes."

"Ahh, a novel written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

It was now my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"Don't be too surprised, many of your so called 'muggle' authors are wizards of squibs. People from the magical community do read and write for pleasure as well you know."

"How about William Shakespeare, was he a wizard?" I asked questioningly. "In Macbeth the witches chant "Double, double, toil and trouble," I noticed that many of the animal potion ingredients they named were code names for herbs during the inquisition."

"Yes, Shakespeare was a squib. Although I believe it was a pen name that he wrote under." This launched a discussion that lasted well over an hour on books, and the well known classical authors that wrote them. Much to my surprise, many authors I knew were witches and wizards, most of them I never would have guessed. What did not surprise me, however, was that Severus was attached to his books much in the same way that I was to mine. His library was extensive and I supposed that the room had originally been much smaller and was now magicked to contain as many books as he choose to put in there. Many of the books he had were duplicates of what the school library held, but others were very ancient and rare volumes that were handwritten. And while the school library was mostly informational Severus had a great number of books that were simply for pleasure.

"What about fantasy and science fiction authors? How many of them are part of the magical community?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, not many of them are. Most of them are muggles with rather accurate and creative imaginations. You wouldn't believe how many of them try to make up creatures that we know actually exist."

"How interesting, you would think with the amount of authors out there more of them would be witches and wizards. Strange how that works out, that most wizards would choose to write classical literature rather then muggle fantasy books." The grandfather clock in his main chambers chimed, it was almost eleven o'clock. I sighed. "I suppose I had best head up t my own chambers and make an appearance to the rest of the school today."

"Good day then Hermione."

"Good day Profes… Severus."

_He really was quite pleasant company once he allowed you to see behind the mask and removed his scowl. I hadn't enjoyed myself that much in a long time. In fact it had been an even longer time since I had been able to have an intelligent conversation._

* * *

Author's Notes: 

Yay another chapter! And no, I haven't forgotten about this story yet againalthough I'm sure it seems that way. It's going to be slow updating for a while but I'm trying to make the chapters a bit longer as I go to give you more to last between those sparse updates.

And to my beta, Heather, I have a new e-mail addy which is why I didn't send t last e-mails to you. My old account got hacked into and I had to change everything around. I'll e-mail you to make sure it goes through but we'll see!

Hopefully I didn't make this piece a grammar nightmare! lol  
Please Review!

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

* * *


	16. Chapter Sixteen

* * *

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Rain...day after day in her room where the walls are bare  
No dream exist in the eyes of her empty stare  
Night after night in her room with no one to care  
She lays her head down to cry and whispers a prayer 

Rain...she's got a smile in her heart no one's ever seen  
She's got a life in her mind and a crave to dream  
She walks alone on her way to a secret place  
And fills her soul up with tears, such a silent space

Rain, one tattered shoe on the ledge one in midair  
She feels a whispering' breeze rushing through her hair  
She lifts her face to the sky in complete despair  
And cries aloud in the night with her very last prayer"

Rain, By Dana Glover

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

* * *

I walked through the eerily silent hallways to where my rooms were. When I turned the corner into the corridor that my chambers were located in I heard a distinctive voice screeching in annoyance. As I got closer I saw the figure of McGonagall having a rather heated argument with the dragon statue that stood guard at the entrance to my rooms. 

"I am a Professor here, and I demand that you tell me where Hermione Granger is right now!" McGonagall yelled haughtily.

Congratulations to you. Would you like an award or something?" The dragon answered sarcastically. "Do I get one too for being Hogwarts statuary?"

She growled angrily. "Listen you… you… dragon," she spat, "If you do not tell me where Hermione is right now you'll regret it!"

"Hermione Granger… You want to know where she is?" the dragon asked casually.

"Yes I do! That is what I have been telling you for a half hour now."

"Well I can't tell you that, sorry." It replied snidely.

"And why not?" she demanded.

"You are unauthorized personnel."

She sputtered inarticulately for a moment and I almost laughed and gave myself away. "What do you mean I'm _unauthorized personnel_?" She screeched. "I am a Hogwarts teacher!"

"Yes so you've said."

McGonagall got very red in the face and I could see how aggravated she was. The expression on her face was absolutely priceless. She was as mad as I had ever seen her. I could die at this moment and be happy.

I noticed that the paintings in the hallway were oddly silent, and crowded. There were many onlookers enjoying the dragon's cheeky attitude. They were all snickering behind their hands and laughing at her. I made sure I was quite hidden in the alcove before peering out again.

She whipped out her want and pointed it directly between the dragon's eyes. She was seething with anger now and I could see her breathing become even more ragged as she glared with a zeal that rivaled Severus'. "You will open these doors and let me into that girl's chambers this very instant or I will hex you into a million pieces that will never be able to be put back together again no matter how talented the wizard!" She ground out slowly and deliberately, jabbing the wand into the dragons forehead with each word.

"I will not let you into these chambers. I will not tell you a damn thing about my charge, and you _will _leave _now_ or face the consequences Madame." The dragon said menacingly.

She screamed an impressive blasting curse and flung it at the statue and I cringed. Suddenly a while flame-like shield sprung up around him and reflected the curse towards the ceiling. I heard a rumble and an avalanche of stone began to fall down on McGonagall in an alarming fashion. Luckily she managed a proper shield charm and the rocks bounced off her safely.

"I suggest you leave now Professor. When you have been invited or given permission you may return. Until then I suggest you leave immediately and don't attempt to break into my ward's chambers again!"

She looked shaken and I could see her fear. A moment later a mask of fury covered her face and she charged down the corridor angrily. "You'll hear from the headmaster about this!"

At this point, I proceeded to have a fit of laughter that left me gasping for breath and holding my sides. I removed myself from my hiding place and walked over to the dragon. "Impressive," I said mischievously.

"Indeed," answered the dragon.

"Why did you do that?"

"How much excitement do you think I get to see? This corridor wasn't really used until Albus put your chambers here. Although, there have always been random lover's trysts in this corridor. That was the most entertainment I've ever gotten. It has been years since a class has been held anywhere in this hall. It's too near Gryffindor tower I suppose."

"Hmm, well I enjoyed the show. You have quite the audience," I said indicating the paintings on the walls.

It smirked.

"Do you have a name, by the way, because I would rather not have to refer to you as dragon or simply have to yell out 'hey you' when I want to ask you something."

"You may call me Orion."

I smiled. Alright, I will then. Now if you don't mind I would like to get into my chambers now. Is there any way I can speak with you there."

"Yes, near your door there is a small dragon head that I may inhabit occasionally. It's kind of like a buzzer so the people trying to get into your chambers can talk to you so that you know who they are."

"Muggles call it an intercom, Orion."

"Well that certainly is a much simpler. Thank-you."

The Entrance to my chambers was exactly like that of the headmasters, only I had a dragon instead of a Gargoyle. I wondered where this statue had come from. It was one thing for paintings to have personalities but I had never heard of statues that did as well. When the staircase stopped moving I hopped out and whispered my password to open my door. I liked the added security.

I wondered what else would be happening today as a result of my sneaking away from Professor McGonagall in London and then continuing to spend the rest of the evening with Severus.

The fact that I had so thoroughly enjoyed my evening with him was still quite a bit of a shock. I wondered what Harry and Ron would think. I wondered if I should even bother telling them. Most likely they would laugh at me and ask if I had hit my head recently and make it to be some sort of delusional fantasy. No, I would not tell them, I decided. They would not believe me anyways.

An owl knocked on my window and I grinned. Speaking of those two... It was the first timeI had received an owl from Ron or Harry all summer. No matter how much a part of the fabulous trio I appeared to be to the outside world I played a very small part in their lives when all was said and done. In class I was always there, and at meals I was right beside them, however on a day to day basis I was always busy doing my own thing. Unless of course something was going on that they felt I needed to be involved in they rarely went out of their way to seek me out. Things had changed since fourth year.

I had become little more then a useful resource for information. During their fifth year Harry had become withdrawn and removed himself from the group. He retreated within himself and had forever changed. When he decided to rejoin the world of the living he had clung to Ron's support and left me out. Intentionally or not, I had been removed from their circle.

Ron had changed in many ways as well. He wasn't a complete idiot when it came to manners anymore. He still found very little need for studying and barely passed all his classes, however he had become very proficient in a new field and had taken Harry along with him. They became lady-killers.

Ron had become much taller the summer of his fifth year and in a desperate attempt to become a better keeper he had developed enough muscles to fill out. He was ever the player now. He toyed with girls emotions letting them fawn over him. There had been so many cat fights over him in the first month that he got back that I had no doubts of how great of a player he had become in this game. He had probably dated every girl in their year and several in the years below him. Ronald never had a girlfriend though, not allowing himself to be 'tied down' to a single woman. Hence the countless cat fights.

Harry went through women left and right. He played the field of all houses including Slytherin. As soon as a girl got too close to him, past the barely concealed awe into something deeper, he retreated and moved on. He hid his true self from them, showing only the façade that he had created, never letting anybody close enough to truly know him. He never let himself get close enough to anybody to care for them, afraid of causing them to be hurt in the process.

Their letters were brief, telling her what they had done this summer and showed little concern to her. They did not seem to know that she was now at Hogwarts and fatherless. Neither of them seemed to have a clue what had happened during the summer. Apparently Dumbledore had taken her feelings in consideration and not revealed anything to her 'friends' about her situation. The prats didn't even seem to care that they had not heard from her at all this summer compared to the usual lengthy monthly letters she sent them.

No matter how much things changed, some things always stayed the same.

* * *

Authors Notes: 

Well I cut this chapter short because its taken me so long to even look at it again that I decided I was just going to update and the hell with it. More soon!

Well I'm not really editing this chapter right away so there will be grammar errors and typos and all of that. I'm Sorry it took so long to update but I'm dealing with a lot of problems here and I'm finally working again. I'm also taking a bartending class and doing temp work through a temp agency my mother worked for before they found her a permanent position. I'm trying to save up and get out of my house because unfortunately due to my car accident last November and the loss of my job due to said car accident I haven't had the money to leave. And when you are about two months pregnant and begging you don't miscarry again while hoping nobody notices until your ready to let them know…and not allowed to have your fiancé over the house because his mother decided to start rumors about him and your parents were stupid enough to believe them (again) because she doesn't want you with him because of whatever… Yea ain't life a blast? So while I'm working three jobs the updating is going to be a bit slow because of my personal drama. (Which by the way is driving me nuts and completely pissing me off glares)

Now I'm going to stop telling you my personal drama because I'm sure it really doesn't matter to you, you're here for the story lol. And you've got much better things to do than hear about how my life sux because I know I'm NOT the only person with issues.

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

* * *

Acknowledgements:

* * *

aloneinaworldofdarkness: I'm glad that you appreciate my work! No matter how slow my updates may be because of my personal dilemmas trust that I will keep this story going. 

ArcticAngelzTx: What's a horse RPG? lol I have absolutely no idea what that is!

pricey-blonde: lol thanks I'll try to find that error and fix it sooner or later. My editing skills are pretty much nonexistent at the moment.

And thanks so much to the rest of you who reviewed my last chapter! Always appreciated.

* * *


	17. Chapter Seventeen

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"All the pain I thought I knew  
All my thoughts lead back to you  
Back to what was never said  
Back and forth inside my head  
I can't handle this confusion  
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone  
All by myself I need to get around it  
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you  
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand  
Cause no one understands"

Take Me Away By Avril Lavigne

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

* * *

"I'm telling you Albus, that statue is a problem that needs to be taken care of immediately!" Shrieked McGonagall in outrage. "It can not be trusted Headmaster!"

"I am afraid, Minerva, that the statue is not going anywhere. I appointed that statue as guardian over Hermione's chambers for a reason and a little backtalk isn't going to change my mind."

"But that thing is as useless as flobberworm dung!"

"Actually Minerva, as you well know flobberworm dung is very useful in potion making," I said, sliding a curtain behind the headmaster's desk aside and walking into the room causing Minerva to gasp in shock. I smiled. "You wanted to see me Headmaster?"

"Yes, I did, Severus." He turned to Minerva. "Minerva here had some questions about Hermione for you."

"Yes I did Severus, What on earth was that girl thinking? Of all the stunts she could have pulled. In all my years…"

"Get to the point Minerva," Severus interrupted "I don't have time to listen to your petty complaints and rants about your dear prized pupil. I have much better ways of spending my time before school begins and the students are back crawling like little rats throughout this castle."

She huffed indignantly. "Very Well, Severus, however I do hope you chastised her thoroughly for her foolishness. I want to know how she is doing Severus, did she give you any hint of what is going on in her mind? I still think that she is being childish. A good spanking would do that girl a world of good in my opinion."

"I dare say Minerva if you had the audacity to attempt to spank that child you would be knocked flat and sent flying. Honestly Minerva, I may not act like I know a thing about human nature or emotions but even I know better then that. Its you that needs to be thoroughly spanked. My dear woman, what would you think if you were tortured by your father? How would you feel if you were raped by somebody who is supposed to be there to protect you? How would you feel if someplace that had once been a safehold had suddenly become a dungeoun? A cage that trapped you so those you thought were on your side forever could unleash all sorts of terrors on you? You have never been through any thing close to what that _child,_ as you insist on calling her, has been through. Wake up woman. Those kinds of scars need time to heal. Take if from some one who knows, Minerva. And trust me I know."

I glared at her for all I was worth and I couldsee her squirming under my gaze. She turned her eyes away almost in shame, but I knew she was too proud and too damn sure of herself for what I said to have any meaning at all to her. She would brush off everything I had said to her later and continue blundering along making things worse.

Albus Clared his throat loudly, attempting to break the undercurrents of tension in the room but failing miserably. "What is your opinion of Hermione, Severus my boy? How is she progressing?"

"Honestly Headmaster I'm not quite sure, as I hardly have any idea what is normal behavior for her. As you know she and I had dinner together, and at several points during our conversation she would stop mid sentence with a far-away look on her face as if she were brooding about something. Then she would continue on as if nothing had happened. I choose to pretend I had not noticed rather then press her on the subject as she seemed overall to be having a good time. As I said I have no idea what is normal for her so I could not tell you if she was herself entirely, but most of the time she was with me she seemed happy."

"That is definitely an improvement I suppose, and definitely much better then constant brooding." He replied.

"Well she wouldn't talk to you anyways." Minerva sneered haughtily. "As if a girl like her would open up to you who mocks every student and stomps on them like pesky ants at every opportunity. That thought is laughable. She needs a _woman's_ touch and loving hand."

I merely raised my eyebrows in response.

"Well Minerva it hardly matters who Hermione opens up to, if she chooses to confide in anyone at all. All that matters is that she is healthy, happy, and mentally and emotionally sound. I do believe we are finished here. You may both go."

We both watched as Minerva left the office furiously. I turned to the Headmaster, my head cocked to the side questioningly. "Ever tried to put a leash on that woman?"

"My Dear boy, not even I am foolish enough to try. She is a woman after all. And her skill with transfiguration is renowned. I imagine I would find myself in a rather uncomplimentary form for quite some time before somebody managed to find me and restore me to myself. I don't fancy being a teacup very much either."

We laughed.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Madelynn Rae: lol yes and I know what you mean it can get very annoying sometimes. but honestly right now I don't care who prays for me as long as they don't try to tell me who I should be praying too. As they say good done in the name of evil is still good and evil done in the name of good is still evil. At this point I can use all the good wishing I can get.

Blessed Be

Raven Lynne


	18. Chapter Eighteen

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Barcelona where the winds all blew  
and the churches don't have windows but the graveyards do  
me and my shadow are wrestling again  
look out stranger, there's a dark cloud moving in

but if you could hear the voice in my heart it would tell you  
I'm afraid I am alone  
won't somebody please hold me, release me  
show me the meaning of mercy  
let me loose  
fly, let me fly, let me fly"

Barcelona, by Jewel

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

* * *

It was a cloudless night and the stars glittered in the heavens above while a light breeze calmingly swayed through the trees. I found the rustling of the leaves soothing. A full moon illuminated the darkness so well that I could se perfectly for miles across the Hogwarts grounds. I sighed happily. It was a tranquil night; I had even spied a few deer eating what was left of the grass before winter set in.

There were advantages to having your own chambers, as well as advantages to having a small tower observatory. There was even space for an owl to have its owl private nest. I had transfigured several rocks I had found on the floor into a large nest of my own made entirely of silky and velvety pillows. I even had a few soft blankets to curl up into.

School would be starting up soon. In less that two short weeks the students would be arriving on the Hogwarts Express and the halls would be filled once more. I was dreading the end to my solitude. I didn't want to deal with people. I just wanted to live in seclusion and not have to cope with endless questions about my summer and then endless questions to exactly what had happened to me during the summer.

I wanted to forget that anything had ever happened. And, understandably, I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before when I was naïve and innocent to the ways of the world. I wanted to be blissfully unaware of the things that now plagued me day after day. I wanted to be free of the memories that insisted on tormenting me night after night. I wanted to sleep soundly again without waking up shaking and sweating from nightmares that refused to cease.

But for tonight, I would pretend that nothing would change. For tonight I would light the torch on the wall and read my book until I fell asleep. For tonight I would forget who I was and immerse myself in the safety of the world of my books. In the world created by Anne Bishop's Dark Jewels trilogy I discarded the broken reality of Hermione and became something so much more then I could ever be…

* * *

Much later that night, long after the torch had burned out, the shadowy form of a man entered Hermione's tower. He sighed mockingly at the girl who had managed to fall asleep on top of every blanket she had with her despite the fact that he knew she had much more sense then that. Instead she lay there shivering slightly tossing back and forth across the pillows blanketing the floor

He could not help but notice her attire, for although she was indeed fully covered she was wearing a silky looking nightgown, with one of the thin straps hanging off her shoulder. She looked completely disheveled with sleep, and in the moonlight her skin glowed. Grudgingly he admitted she was beautiful. He wondered exactly how many years the use of the time turner had aged her. However his appraisal of her was interrupted much to his displeasure.

Deep in sleep, Hermione cried out in anguish, and the foreign feeling of fierce protectiveness welled up inside of him again. He crouched down beside her and laid a hand on her cheek in a gentle caress, brushing a tress of hair behind her ear carefully. She whimpered and moved away from his touch as if scalded. He was surprised to find himself hurt by the innocent action. He placed his hand on her cheek fully, surprised at how chilled she seemed to be.

He was shocked to see her eyes fly open in fear and even more surprised to find himself kicked across the floor as she screamed in fear and scrambled across the floor pushing herself against the wall. Her breathing was shallow and coming in quick and painful gasps. He knew she was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Lumos" he whispered.

"Professor Snape? What…What are you doing here?" She stammered.

"I was going to try to talk to you. Imagine my surprise when I found you asleep. I am aware that you tend to stay up very late most nights." Severus stood up and brushed imaginary dirt from his sleeves. "I was going to try to calm you down when I realized you were having a nightmare; however you decided that you were going to wake up instead. Was it about your father?"

She was surprised to see the genuine concern reflected in his eyes as he looked at her closely. She turned her head to the side and looked down at the stone floor, attempting to hide her distress and the tears now running freely down her cheeks.

"It was nothing."

Severus Snape was many things, but he was not one the kind of man who was easily fooled. When it came to the darker emotions know to kind he was far better acquainted with them then most. He knew pain, anguish, and sorrow personally, and indeed he had spent many long nights with none but them for company. He walked over to where she trembled and put his fingers beneath her chin and gently lifted his face towards his and looked into her eyes, ignoring her tear streaked face.

"Hermione, talk to me. You've got to talk to someone or you'll drive yourself into an early grace. Perhaps I know better then anyone else what you are going through. Believe it or not I am not a monster. You can trust me. You are safe with me Hermione; I will never let anything happen to you when it is within my power to prevent it. This I promise you."

It was too much, the dread potions master offering her sanctuary and comfort broke down the last of her barriers. Hermione threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbed uncontrollably. Shocked at her willingness to accept his comfort, Severus struggled to not fall over when she launched herself at him.

Carefully, he cradled her in his arms and maneuvered himself so that she was lying across his chest and in his lap while he was lying back on the pillows everywhere. Gently he rocked her back and forth, running his hands through her hair and making soothing noises in her ear. It seemed like an eternity as he embraced her while she clung to him, of all people, as her lifeline, but for once he did not even try to convince himself that he minded. In truth it seemed that she fit there perfectly, and it was almost as if that was where she belonged.

Eventually her tremors subsided and her breathing evened out and he thought that she had once more fallen asleep. He attempted to detach himself from her but found her hands clutching onto him. Surprised, Severus looked down to see her looking up into his eyes abashedly.

"I… Please…" she seemed at a loss for words. "Please don't leave me here alone. I couldn't tell you why but I trust you… and… and… and you make me feel safe." She paused and lowered her eyes, "Please, stay with me tonight Severus?"

He ignored his heart jumping in his chest and the strange feeling in his stomach at her request. He simply smiled, not bothering to question anything at this moment. All he knew was that he needed her to need him to protect her. He was pleased to know that she trusted him, and it filled him with an unknown emotion to know that he made her feel safe.

"Of course I'll stay," Severus replied with tenderness in his voice.

Hermione's face lifted quickly and she stared at him in astonishment. She had expected a harsh rebuke for daring to ask such a thing of this man. Instead she found tenderness. She dared not question it for tonight. She would just accept it, and let things be as they were. He smiled, and she could only gape at him more.

"Thank-you."

"Think nothing of it. Now you're exhausted. Let us get some sleep."

He lifted her up a little bit and transfigured the cushions on the floor into a soft mattress and several big fluffy pillows. Then he maneuvered himself so that she could lie between his legs while he was propped up on the pillows. Sighing contentedly she wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest. Within moments she was sound asleep.

Not able to help himself, he leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead with so much tenderness that those who knew him would have been shocked to find him capable of such emotions. Carefully, as not to disturb her he grabbed a thin blanket and covered her up.

"Nox"

* * *

**Read And Review!**

**And Thanks to all of you who have reviewed in the past  
****and continue to read and review my story! **


	19. Chapter Nineteen

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter Nineteen

* * *

"Believe it or not everyone have things that they hide  
Believe it or not everyone keep most things inside  
Believe it or not everyone believes in something above  
Believe it or not everyone needs to feel loved

Seen it or not every time the world turns upside down  
Believe it or not most of us feel like we're losing ground  
Believe it or not everyone hated minute fear  
Believe it or not most of us wanna know why we're here

Well we're young and we won't until we figure out  
Can someone believe in us and send some kind of sign  
So close to giving up 'cause faith is so hard to find  
But you're young and you won't, until we figure out"

Believe it or Not, by Nickelback

* * *

Most mornings it took me almost a half hour to fully awaken, and this morning was no exception. Groggily, I stirred, groaning in complaint. I hated mornings. I pulled the blanket back up around my shoulders and rolled over to bury my head in my pillow, only to find myself sputtering as I inhaled a mouthful of hair.

I could not help but stare wide-eyed at the woman sleeping beside me. Hermione murmured her complaints as I disentangled myself from her and carefully moved away. However she did not awaken. She shivered slightly from the loss of my warmth and attempted to move close to me once more. Instead I wrapped a thick blanket around her slim body and she sighed contently. She had spent the night curled up against my side with her head in the crook of my shoulder with my arm wrapped around her.

Confused by the emotions welling up inside of me I continued to stare at her and study her. I could not remember when I had slept so well. In the soft morning light of pre-dawn filtering through the tower windows I could not deny that she was a child no longer. Her copper colored hair was gently framed her face with soft curls much different from the frizzy mess I remembered from her earlier years. And although I could not see her eyes I knew them to be a deep amber color, framed by long lashes that only served to make her more beautiful.

I had gotten a good glance at her body through the thin silken nightgown that barely covered her body before I had wrapped the blanket around her. She had filled out nicely, and unlike many girls her age she did not strive to be skinny. As a result she had healthy curves and a decent hourglass figure. She was perhaps a bit overweight in her stomach but the muscles in her arms and legs were very well toned. Knowing that she did not hold any faith in sports, quidditch or otherwise, I wondered what kind of exercise she did to keep herself in such good shape.

Her cheeks had a rosy glow to them that was quite becoming. While the moonlight of the night before made her look like a porcelain princess, the golden hues of the sunlight made her look healthily tanned from many hours spent outdoors. In short, she was probably the most beautiful creature that I had ever laid my eyes upon.

Gently I stood up and walked out of the room. I did not want her to awaken and find myself in a position that would likely be awkward. I took one last look at her from the doorway. She sighed and rolled over. I was shocked to find it so hard to turn away and close the door behind myself. As I walked down the tower stairs and out of the doorway of Hermione's chambers I was so deep in thought that I did not see Minerva.

"Severus Snape what on earth are you doing in Miss Granger's chambers at this time of the morning?" She screeched accusingly.

I winced inwardly, that was not a sound that one looked forward to first thing after waking. I glared at her as she stared at my clothing, which fortunately showed no signs of being slept in, attempting to find incriminating evidence. "I don't fine it necessary to explain myself to you, Minerva," I replied scathingly. "However, if my being here this early is questionable then what pray tell what on earth do you think you are doing here. You and I both know full well there is no other possible reason for you to be in this corridor."

She huffed indignantly. "I am her head of house. It is my duty to check up on my students from time to time. Now if you'll excuse me I must speak to Miss Granger immediately." She walked over to the statue of the Dragon. "Open up and let Hermione know that I am here to see her."

Nothing happened.

"Open up I said!" she screeched.

Still nothing happened.

"This damned statue," she turned back to me. "Severus I demand that you tell this statue to cooperate."

"You dare to demand me?" I said outraged. "I think not woman. Besides, you'll find that Hermione is not available to speak with you at this moment just as I did moments ago. She is still sleeping."

She lowered her eyes and frowned at me. "What do you mean she is still sleeping? _You _were just in her chambers, Severus, how did _you_ get in?"

"I'm afraid I do not know why the statue allows me access and not you. Perhaps Hermione feels that I am more apt to allow her the privacy she needs and desires where you obviously do not know the meaning of the word."

With that I turned and walked away cloak billowing out behind me, leaving her staring at me with her mouth gaping like a fish at my back. This was food for thought. Why was it that last night the statue had allowed me access to Hermione's rooms and continued to deny Minerva? Indeed….

* * *

Mornings. What horrible, horrible things. Whoever invented mornings deserved to be shot. No matter what time you were getting up, and no matter how long you had slept it was always a hassle getting out of bed. I opened my eyes and looked at the bed beside me, surprised to find the indentation of another body there beside me. Confused and sure that my eyes were deceiving me I blinked wearily, only to notice a single strand of black hair on the pillow.

Slowly the events of the night before came back to my mind. I remembered now. Severus had surprised me after I had fallen asleep in my tower and given me a nasty scare. I had asked him to stay, and he had held me while I cried. I must have fallen asleep in his arms… I blushed furiously. I had also apparently spent the night by his side, and possibly in his arms as well.

A year ago anybody suggesting that such a thing was possible would have had me admitting them to St. Mungo's Hospital for immediate treatment. Before I had come back to Hogwarts this summer the thought would have had me sick to my stomach in complete and utter revulsion. Now I felt only a slight fluttering sort of feeling in my stomach. He was a different man beneath the mask he wore during the school year. He was actually quite sweet.

I pulled back the covers and jumped up out of bed only to get hit by a gust of frigid wind coming in through the open window. I looked down and saw the flimsy silk nightgown I had been wearing; it was all but see through! Great goddess what had professor Spape thought of that! I blushed furiously and ran down the stairs to my bedroom. How Embarrassing!

An hour and a half later after a long luxurious soak in my bathtub I was dressed and sitting in front of my fireplace quite bored. I stared into the flames, trying to think of some way to occupy my time. My eyes drifted over my bookcase scanning the titles of my most cherished possessions. One of the muggle witchcraft books I had bought caught my eye. I had read them and perhaps now it was time for a bit of experimentation. With a satisfied smile I grabbed the book and a few supplies, pulled on my cloak and walked outside.

According to the book I bought muggle witchcraft focused on the elements as being forces of nature, like gravity, that one could manipulate and bend to a person's will if you studied and concentrated hard enough. Witches of this kind also apparently believed that whatever thoughts and actions they sent out into the universe with their magic and with their everyday lives would come back to them threefold, a belief known as the law of three. This was the pagan version of karma, a warning against attempting to cast any type of curse. If only Voldemort and his followers had known about such a law and followed it…

I found myself a small secluded section on the school property that was well out of eyesight and out of the normal footpaths that teachers still here for the summer holiday would travel. I wanted privacy. I put my shoulder bag down on the ground beside me and sat down on the cool earth. I studied a small section on casting a circle of protection for magical workings and put the book to the side. It seemed easy enough. All you had to do was concentrate on the essence of each element, walk to the proper corner and call to said element and welcome it into the circle, and then seal the circle.

It was still fairly early in the morning, so I didn't need a spell or a compass to locate north. The sun was in the east, so that made it easy for me to get my bearings. First I needed to relax myself. I steadied my breathing and began a slow meditation I had found in a book by the author Silver Ravenwolf on how to cleanse and open the energy of my charkas, the seven main points of energy in the human body. My breathing and my heartbeat slowed into a steady rhythm. My awareness heightened. I felt at one with my body. I hadn't felt that at peace with myself for a long time. I emptied my mind and set myself to the task before me.

I stood up in one fluid movement and picked up the sea salt that I had set beside myself earlier. I walked around in a complete circle and envisioned a pure white light that would force away all negativity. I walked around the circle nine times sprinkling sea salt as I walked. Nine was the number of the Goddess. I stopped at the northernmost part of the circle and faced the area outside of my circle, raised my wand and spoke out clearly.

"Guardians of the North, element of earth, I summon thee. I ask you to aid your powers and your protection to me in my workings this morn."

I walked along the edge of my circle until I was at facing eastward, and called the element of air. Then I walked to the south and did the same for fire, and the west was water. I completed my circle stopping at north once more, and then walked into the center of the circle.

"Guardians of the Spirit I summon thee, the fifth element. Grant me your wisdom and your strength. Protect me and all that I do on this morn. So mote it be."

I could feel the power. It vibrated against my skin, humming with its intensity. I was amazed. I wondered if the muggles felt it the same way or if it was because I could use the magick of the wizarding world that I could feel the intensity of it. I sat down carefully. I wondered how well a spell from one of these books would work. I wondered if I could do wandless magic this way. Perhaps I could call the elements more literally… perhaps being more the a muggle witch I could manipulate the elements in a more literal sense then most of them dreamed possible. I wondered…

I pulled a water bottle out of my bag and a pillar candle. Carefully created a ditch in the ground around the candle and set it in the middle of a section of dirt, where nothing could catch fire. I made a small ditch to fill with water and wet the ground as an extra precaution. I closed my eyes and found my center. I focused on what I thought was the essence of fire. I felt the fire, I welcomed the fire. I let nothing but the thoughts of what it was to be and to feel fire fill my mind. I felt myself grow warmer, beads of sweat dripped down my forehead. Slowly I opened my eyes, and let fire fill my vision. My eyes focused on the wick. I imagined the fire settling upon it. "Light" I said in a voice that was not quite my own.

For a few moments nothing happened. Then Flames blazed to life in front of me and I gave a small shriek of surprise, scrambling back a few feet. Then the flames died out, and all that was left of my candle was a puddle of melted wax in the center of the ditch I had made. The ground was no longer wet and the water in the ditch had dried up. Shaking I stood up and caught my breath, and closed the circle for I dared not try anything else right now. I would have to do more research. This was unexpected. Highly unexpected…

I picked up my bags and walked back towards the castle. I was caught up in my thoughts and wasn't paying attention to where I was going. When I finally noticed where I was, I found myself in the dungeons headed towards Severus' chambers. Shrugging I continued in that direction thinking that perhaps he would know what to think of my summoning of fire. By the time I found myself knocking on his door I was much more confident about my decision. He would most certainly know what to think of this.

* * *

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne


	20. Chapter Twenty

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I can't take this I come unglued  
I might breakdown in front of you  
necessary to medicate  
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Can't see through this  
Too much pressure  
Drowning in this  
Too much pressure

If you need me I'll be here  
Half unconscious to escape my fear"

Pressure, By Staind

* * *

Chapter Twenty

* * *

Even knowing that Severus was the only person that I could trust enough to ask for help in this matter I hesitated standing there in front of his door. It was true that he had been kind to me lately but I was still only just a student. Perhaps I would not be welcome; after all he was a very busy man who most definitely preferred solitude to the company of others. Despite his kindness to me of late I knew that he was still a cynical and callous man. Would I be overstepping my boundaries by allowing myself to consider that he would talk to me as an equal? With trepidation I knocked, and entered cautiously as I heard his barked command.

He was standing in the center of the room when I walked in, and his stance was tense. He turned around slowly, speaking as he turned. "Well, what is it? What do you want? I have better things to do then waste my time with foolishness."

My stomach dropped, he wouldn't help me. "I'm sorry sir," I stuttered, "I was just… I had only been hoping…" My words failed me.

His eyes widened when he saw me, but he suppressed his surprise so swiftly that I wasn't sure of what I had seen. "Hermione, what are you doing here? I'm sorry; I was expecting you to be Minerva or Albus here to pester me over some nuisance or another."

I noticed some of the tension flow out of him as he relaxed slightly. My heart stopped hammering in my chest a bit as I regained some of my composure.

He was standing in the center of the room when I walked in. "Umm, well... actually I have a problem, well more of a question regarding a theory that I have."

He raised his eyebrow in response and turned around, walking over to the armchair and sitting down. He waved to the other furniture around him and I accepted the invitation and sat down on the sofa. "Well, then I do believe you had best explain yourself."

And so I did. I explained to him what I had read in the muggle books on witchcraft. I explained everything about my experiment. His expression remained unchanged throughout the entire conversation, but I watched his eyes knowing that even he had not learned to hide the emotion there when you knew what to look for. I saw mild shock and astonishment filter through them, as well as keen interest. He was intrigued by the possibilities my discovery presented, and most definitely wanted to learn more. When I finished explaining everything I could think of, he folded his hands beneath his chin thoughtfully.

"I can see that this is going to be a very long discussion indeed. Lets order some refreshments from the house elves and then we can move to my personal library and see what we can find."

It was long after lunch and nearing suppertime when we finally leaned back in our seats exhausted. We had found out very little, but it was a start, and now we at least knew what it was that we were looking for. In ancient times there had been a reclusive group of wizards and witches who practiced what they referred to as natural magic. This magic was also a primordial part of muggle culture as well as the magical community's. Therefore it was not that muggles had discovered our secrets but rather that it was that they seemed to have a few of their own.

Natural magic was not something that had been held in high esteem by the powerful figures of the magical community at any point during its history because it was mostly muggles, squibs, and wizards and witches who barely had any power that were drawn to its ways. How could something that a muggle used have been of any consequence to a powerful wizard or witch? Consequently, it had never been taken seriously except by those few who were allowed into the reclusive group that studied this magic. As a result the only information we could hope to find through normal means would be highly outdated and biased. Most of the descriptions we could find of it made it sound like a foolish fantasy story told to squib and muggle children so that they could pretend that they had magic.

However from what I had read in the muggle books that I had purchased these so called 'delusional' muggles and squibs were able to perform natural magic with just as much success as any wand wielding wizard or witch. The first step to natural magick was to be able to gain complete control over one's mind, body, and soul so that you could harmonize all the energy within your own bodies. Then once you were a complete master of yourself you turned that concentration to the outside world and harmonized with the ebb and flow of energies found in the world around you. This then enabled you to manipulate those energies.

It was a pity that none of the truly powerful witches or wizards had attempted to perform this magic and had never taken it seriously. For if muggles and squibs were capable of great feats of magic performed this way, then what would a truly powerful wizard like Albus Dumbledore or even a witch like Hermione be able to accomplish? And what would the ghastly consequences be if Voldemort had found information on this brand of magic?

What we had discovered only led to many more questions and neither of us had any idea where to look for answers. The magical community had no answers to be found, for they hadn't the time to enter a coven of natural wizards and witches even if they could locate one of the long forgotten and reclusive groups. It seemed the only place they could look for answers was with the muggles.

Severus stretched beside me and took another long sip of his tea, draining the cup, and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I do believe that is enough of that for one day."

"I hate to say it, but I agree. I don't want to look at another book for the rest of the night. My eyes hurt. Why on earth did people write as if paper was more valuable then gold?"

He chuckled, surprising me. "Indeed I have often wondered the same things many a time while looking over journals and the like."

The grandfather clock in his living room chimed, announcing that it was six o'clock. My stomach complained loudly in the very next moment. "I suppose we should put in an appearance for dinner…"

"Yes, I suppose that however much I would like to, I can't simply lock my doors and hide away in here forever," Severus replied dryly. "Though I loathe to put up with more of Minerva's meddling. She seems to have made it her new mission in life to stick her nose where it doesn't belong. Luckily, I'm not her main target."

"Lets not even go there, Severus." I said with a grimace. "I'm sick of her mother-henning and I'm ready to hex her into the next century. Honestly, I add a gothic/vintage/punk flair to my wardrobe and you'd think I'd gone and stripped naked for a ruddy photo shoot."

"What an entertaining concept…" he began, only to receive a mouthful of pillow as I threw one at his face.

"I may only be a student Severus but don't tempt me to hex you, either. It would be a shame to loose somebody of your intelligence."

"I invite you into my chambers and into my library and what do you do? You assault me with my very own upholstery."

"Men."

"You mentioned it in the first place, I was simply saying…"

"I got the point," I interrupted. I stood up and turned towards the doorway. "Let us get this over with."

We walked together to the great hall in companionable silence. When it wasn't directed at me, I was amazed to find that I admired his snarky wit and sarcastic humor. There really was much more to this man then I would have ever imagined. It surprised me, but I was beginning to think of this man as a close friend, and after all, Harry and Ron had chosen to abandon that position long ago.

As we entered the Great Hall, Dumbledore walked over to us with a letter in his hands. "Ahh, Severus, Hermione, how good of you to join us." He put his arm around my shoulder and herded me over to the table. "I have received news from your mother, Hermione. She wishes to meet with you this weekend in London. It seems that she has some very interesting news for you."

"It's about time she decided she cared about me, took her long enough."

"We will arrange transportation for you to the leaky cauldron and an escort for the time that you will be there."

"That's fine."

I barely noticed all the chatter going on around me as I ate my meal. My mother hadn't bothered to contact me when Dumbledore had sent her a letter to inform her of the ordeal that I had been through with my father. She hadn't cared that I had been hurt. On the contrary she had been furious that they had interrupted her vacation with 'frivolous' details about her daughter and only wished to be left alone. She had abandoned me to a man who she most likely knew to be an abusive lout without a care. What was it she wanted now that she bothered to put up the pretense of sensitivity to the needs of her only daughter? I was not looking forward to this meeting.

* * *

In the end it was Severus that decided to accompany me. I didn't ask if he had been forced into it or if he had voluntarily come. I didn't speak to him, I was too tense. He noticed my apprehension and put his hands on my shoulders but did not press me further and for that I was grateful. He at least understood that I didn't want to talk about it and respected my wishes. If it had been McGonagall who had accompanied me she would have been fussing over everything and pestering me with questions, trying to get me to talk. Never mind what she would have been saying about my choice of wardrobe.

"Are you ready, Hermione?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

We walked off Hogwarts grounds to a safe apparition point. When I stopped and turned towards him, he wrapped his arms around me in an embrace, squeezing gently. I looked up at him questioningly.

"Smile, Hermione. I'll leave you and your mother alone once we get to Tom's, but I'll stay there waiting for you so that you know where to find me. I know that your mother has leave to keep you out until late tonight, but I will stay there in case you need to escape early. I brought several books with me and I can keep myself occupied. Never mind the fact that Tom is petrified of me."

I was shocked, and I blushed slightly. I threw my arms around his shoulders and hugged him back. "Thank-you, Severus. Thanks for understanding and being there for me."

"You're Welcome," he whispered in my ear. Then we apparated.

* * *

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Sometimes is never quite enough  
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love  
Don't forget to win first place  
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

How long before you screw it up  
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up  
With everthing I do for you  
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl  
You've gotta try a little harder  
That simply wasn't good enough  
To make us proud"

Perfect, By Alannis Morisette

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

When we arrived in London to a safe apparation point it was raining, covering everything in shades of grey. If it weren't for the precaution of weatherresistance and warming charms I would have been soaked through and thoroughly chilled to the bone in within moments of our arival. We wove our way between the crowded streets of Diagon Alley with our hoods up and our faces down to avoid the piercing rain. Side by side, we made our way to the Leaky Cauldron to where my mother was supposed to be meeting us at any moment. She was not there when we arrived and we quickly settled ourselves at a table where we could watch the door. I barely noticed as somebody came over to take our order. Minutes later a butterbeer was placed in front of me and I jumped, startled.

"You seem tense, Hermione."

"Hmm… Oh. I suppose that I am." I answered distractedly. "My mother and I have never seen eye to eye on many things and I'm sure that she will use this as another opourtunity to berrate me and try to force me to do things her way."

"Indeed."

It was half an hour and two butterbeers later when my mother walked through the door. I pushed my chair back and made to stand up, ready to meet her at the door. I was stopped as Severus grabed my hand as I turned around.I looked back at him questioningly.

"I'll be here."

I nodded.

Mother took me to a small café in muggle London. It was a quiet place and the booth we had was secluded. It gave an aura of complete privacy for the both of us. I fidgeted in my seat wondering what her true motivations were. Why now? Why after so many months of not caring what had happened to me did she request to spend time with me now?

We talked of simple things, how her vacation had gone and current events until our meal arrived. We ate in silvence as usual. I was tense. As soon as the dishes were cleared away and another round of drinks was placed on the table I prepared myself for the inevitable.

"Hermione," she began, "what do you plan to do with yourself?"

"Do with myself mother? What on earth are you talking about?" _oh boy_, I thought, _here it was I could see it coming now._

"Yes, do with yourself. Where do you expect this path of yours to take you? How can you ever hope to get a respectable job in the real world. I think its about time you gave up this fantasy and make believe world of yours and came back to reality."

"Oh really mother and what exactly is your idea of reality?"

"Really Hermione this foolishness has got to end. Your father and I indulged you by allowing you to go to that wizarding school and pretend to learn magic and all that nonsense but I think its about time that you came back to reality and got a real job and went to a real college somewhere."

I was seething inside. Foolishness was it? "Well mother where exactly do you get the idea that magic is not real."

"Oh please Hermione I'm not a child anymore and its time you grew up too. This is one of the few things that your father and I agreed on before his… incident. Really…"

That was too much. "His incident mother? Is that how you allow yourself to think of what that monster did to me? He beat me while you were away not caring what happened to me on your stupid little vacation. He raped me! Is that your idea of reality? Is that your idea of how thigns should be? While you were off galavanting who knows where doing who knows what with who knows who I was being tortured by a man who I should have been able to trust. You knew he was a monster didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?" I screamed at her, pushing my chair back and standing up.

"Hermione! You're making a scene sit down this instant."

"Don't you dare Hermione me. You knew what kind of man he was and yet you went off on some bullshit vacation and left me tehre with that monster not caring what he did to me! And when you found out what happened did you once inquire if I was okay? NO! In fact you replied to the headmaster's letter by scolding him for daring to interupt your vacation with such trivial matters."

She had the grace to look ashamed for a moment, but only a moment. She was always selfish, and she was proving it. "You were okay! You weren't severely injured or dying! Honestley Hermione get over it! Good god the man only raped you!" she screamed back at me.

I was shocked. People stared. Many of them were shaking their heads in disgust. I was _only_ raped? I shook my head at her in dismay.

"You have no right to call yourself my mother anymore. Not that you were ever much of one to begin with. I'm done wasting my time on you. You were never worth my time woman."

I turned and walked out of the café, pulling my hood up to hide the tears streaming down my face. I would never be good enough for her. She wanted more from me then I was capable of giving. I refused to give up myself and who I was just to make her happy. But oh did it hurt to see that she cared so little about me. To be forced yet again to see how selfish she truly was. For that in itself was just as much of a betryal as my father's actions had been.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Sorry its so short, But I'm out of time and I just wanted to put a teaster chapter up there for those of you dying to find out what happens next! And for some reason my father's computer doesnt have spell check set up on it and my computer is still down at my mother's house so bear with me with the typos and grammer that i didn't bother checking at all... I'll get to it... i swear... eventually! Really! lol

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I have been one acquainted with the night.  
I have walked out in rain- and back in rain.  
I have outwalked the furthest city light.  
I have looked down the saddest city lane.  
I have passed by the watchman on his beat  
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.  
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet  
When far away an interrupted cry  
Came over houses from another street,  
But not to call me back or say good-by;  
And further still at an unearthly height  
One luminary clock against the sky  
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right  
I have been one acquainted with the night."

Acquainted With the Night, By Robert Frost

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two

* * *

As soon as Hermione had left I took out a battered journal that had most definitely seen better days from within my robes, flipping through the pages to the entry that I sought. I was researching the creation of the Wolfsbane potion and had managed to come across the journal of the man who developed the original potion containing his notes on its development. I wasn't optimistic about being able to create a potion to cure the disease entirely, but instead I hoped to prevent transformation into the wolf entirely where the current Wolfsbane potion only allowed the afflicted to remain sane while transformed. Currently with the Wolfsbane potion transformation was still an agonizing process, and a potion that made the shift from man to wolf less painful would be a welcome progression in the potion's effectiveness.

As much as I longed for the position as Professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts, the subtle art of potion making captivated me like nothing else. Working indiscreetly against an enemy was more my style. Foolish wand waving was far to obvious for my tastes. However, teaching potions infuriated me beyond belief. Few students appreciated the exact science of potion making and even fewer possessed the delicate technique required to become adept in the field. It would be much more rewarding to teach a subject that the students would understand enough to apply to their lives and give them the knowledge they could use to save themselves. Most adults, never mind students, were unable to comprehend how a potion could be as defensive as a spell.

I picked disinterestedly at the food that was eventually ordered and placed in front of me as I read through the journal, taking my own notes in a separate notebook. Time passed quickly for me, as thoroughly engrossed in my work as I was. In fact, I was so absorbed in the book in front of me that when a figure whipped a chair out from the table and sat down abruptly I was startled. I looked up to see Hermione there, shaking with her face buried in her hands. Quietly I put the journal and my notebook back into my cloak and finished off the last few bites of my meal, allowing her to regain some measure of control on her intense emotions. As I was taking the last sip of my fire whiskey she looked up at me, a mask of calm across her features.

"I take it that things hardly went well?"

She laughed harshly, and coming from her the sound startled me. "Things hardly went at all." I raised my eyebrow in question. "She never understood and she never will, let's leave it at that and let sleeping dragons lie."

"Is there anything you would like to get while we are in Diagon Alley?"

"No. I just want to go home."

I saw that her control was threatening to come undone and I nodded. I stood up and walked to the bar and paid my bill. Hermione followed me and together we walked out the door to the apparition point. Her hand slipped into mine so that I could apparate the both of us to Hogsmede, gripping my hand tightly. I pulled her forward so that she was facing me and squeezed her shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. Her hesitant smile in response to mine was the last thing I saw as we apparated.

* * *

I was grateful for Severus' supporting hand when we reached Hogsmede, for it kept me from making a fool out of myself by falling flat on my face. I was furious and my mother's careless attitude towards distressed me. It was all I could do to keep my face impassive. I was on the verge of tears. Somehow, Severus presence beside me comforted me. I was glad that he had offered to be the one to take me.

It didn't matter how good I was, I would never be good enough for that woman so long as I still thought for myself. She wanted a cookie-cutter daughter that she could hand mould into the perfect shape and design, then ornament as she liked. It had always been that way. My mother was an elegant woman with rich chestnut curls that fell to her elbows and looked gorgeous with very little effort, and a flawless complexion. She had style and grace and disdained that her daughter had apparently inherited none of her charms. My frizzy mousy brown hair had never been anything but an annoyance to her, and I heard about it quite often.

I tried to redeem myself in her eyes by excelling in scholastic standards, pushing myself to the limit and beyond so that I was always at the top of my class. Still, she would complain if my grades were less then perfect. It mattered not that I was the top of my class, that ninety-eight wasn't a hundred. I hadn't done well enough yet again. I was still nothing more then a failure in her eyes.

Then another problem had stemmed from my academic achievements. I no longer accepted everything that she said as the truth and instead began to question everything and search out answers for myself. I had always truly loved to learn, but when I realized that she didn't know everything she once again became displeased with me, for she was beyond questioning. Gods forbid that I should think for myself and have opinions on anything she didn't want me to. Gods forbid that I had opinions different from her own.

There were also the strange things that kept happening when I was particularly distraught for whatever reason. Glass would break. Household electronics would react as if possessed by some demon or another. When my Hogwarts letter arrived I had hoped that it would give my mother a reason to see that I was special, and that I was worth her love. But instead of giving her something to be proud of it branded me forever in her eyes as a freak. I was not normal. So once again I pushed myself to the limit in this new world, and did my best to gain her approval.

But no matter what I did it was never enough. and would never be enough in the end. Even if I somehow achieved the impossible and became what she had thought she had always wanted me to be, her mind would change and I would not be what she had wanted anymore. It was impossible. Even though I knew this, even though I had realized these things long ago it still stung. She was supposed to be my mother. She was supposed to love me unconditionally and protect me. Wasn't she?

I barely noticed when we walked through the front gates at Hogwarts. My mind didn't register when we entered the castle. Without realizing it I followed the potions master through the corridors and into the dungeons. It was only when he sat down on the loveseat across from the fireplace that I realized I had followed him into his private chambers. I blushed furiously realizing my error, only to see that he was smirking at me, laughter in his eyes.

"You seemed so preoccupied in your own thoughts that I did not wish to interrupt you." He said kindly. "You are welcome to stay if you'd like. My bookshelves are yours to browse for the time being, so long as you don't interrupt me while I take notes and read through this journal you can stay as long as you like."

I nodded. I didn't much feel like being alone right now. "Thank-you."

A few minutes later I had located a title in his library and settled myself into his armchair. The fireplace crackled and popped in the background as I threw myself into the book, allowing it to take me somewhere, anywhere, beyond my unfortunate reality. I didn't wish to think about my mother's words, or how they had affected me. In fact I longed to forget everything about her for the moment, but somehow I wasn't able to concentrate. My thoughts kept drifting back to her words and how they had hurt me. With a sigh I closed the book and stared into the fireplace, watching the flames.

After several minutes I realized that Severus was watching me. I turned towards him, and raised my eyebrow in question.

"Do you want to talk about it, Hermione?"

"I don't know if it's something I can put into words exactly."

"Don't feel as if you have to tell me anything. I won't pressure you. I understand if you don't want me to know what happened this afternoon to upset you so much, never mind what is going on in your head."

"It isn't that I don't want to tell you, but more that I don't know if I have the words to explain it correctly."

"I understand. Still, I'm here for you if you need me Hermione. I may not know firsthand exactly where you are coming from, but I can assure you I have been in many dark places in my life. Because of this I am perhaps one of few people who can comprehend the emotions that you are feeling at this moment"  
I nodded, not trusting my voice. I felt so... so... used. I felt so unworthy and unloved. As my mother she was supposed to be one of the people I could always rely on. Instead she had always cared for nobody but herself. She had never been there for me when I had needed the love of a mother. Even as a little girl I couldn't go to her with my problems for fear that she would find another thing to be displeased with me about. I cried alone in my room praying that she would not hear me. I hid my fears, and dealt with them alone, or in most cases not at all. I suffered through my problems alone. Then in the ultimate betrayal she left me to fend for myself with a man I was now sure she knew to be violent and unstable, not caring what happened to me with her not there to protect me.

I couldn't help it; I was just so empty inside. The tears began to overflow and helpless to stop myself I began to cry. My voice shaking, I lifted my face and looked into his eyes.

"I... Severus..." I asked awkwardly. "Could you maybe just hold me for a while?"

* * *

How could I say no to the raw emotion screaming at me from the depths of her eyes? She was in pain, and she was asking me to help, and I found that I couldn't refuse. I nodded, and patted the seat beside me. She practically leaped out of the chair and threw herself into my arms. I cradled her against my chest, and pulled her into my lap so that I could hold her more closely. She began to sob heart wrenchingly in my arms and I rocked her gently, running my hands through her hair. I let her cry herself out. It was obvious that she needed it.

When she stopped crying she simply snuggled in closer to my chest and sighed deeply. I had almost begun to think that she had fallen asleep in my arms yet again when she instead disentangled herself from my embrace and looked up at me through red and puffy eyes. Gently I wiped the last lingering tears from her face, and she smiled at me. My stomach tightened, and a strange feeling filled my chest. Goddess this woman tormented me, and I could barely understand why. It was all that I could do to restrain myself from tilting her head up pressing my lips to her in an attempt to kiss the tears away.

She sighed, a content smile appearing on her face, and it was almost my undoing. Thankfully, she pulled her face from my reach and laid her cheek against my chest. AT least her lips were no longer in my line of sight, even if her arms wrapped around me and her bottom in my lap was doing uncomfortable things to my libido. She began to speak, her voice barely above a whisper, and I had to strain myself to hear her.

"I think I'm ready to talk, if you're still willing to listen. I think I can explain things well enough, and it's probably long past due."

"I'm here for you Hermione. You need only tell me that you need me. Go ahead."

She told me everything, and I was horrified for her. Indeed, physical abuse was only the beginning stage of torture. The truest torture, the torture that left the deepest scars, was the subtle kind. Emotional and mental abuse was far worse then a simple bruise. I was angry for her as well. She was right. These were the people she should have been able to trust in the most and they had been the ones she should have feared the most from day one. My poor Hermione...

* * *

The days passed quickly, and more often in not Hermione could be found in Severus chambers, sitting with the Potion Master in silence while reading. Many nights they discussed their theories on natural magic. Before the both of them knew it, and long before either were willing and ready to face it, the first day of school had arrived.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

* * *

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	23. Chapter TwentyThree

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"Look into theses eyes and you'll see the dark  
That Little space inside my heart  
The darkest side withholds the light  
The light that brightens me inside  
You don't know

Angels don't fly, they have no wings  
It is another one of those things  
That we make up  
That we believe  
The real thing is not what we conceive"

Part of Me, By Lara Fabian"

* * *

Chapter Twenty Three

* * *

I fidgeted nervously in front of the enchanted mirror in my bathroom. It was the afternoon before the welcoming feast when the students would be returning to Hogwarts. I had gotten used to having the halls almost completely to myself. Despite the clothes that I wore I was still just as insecure as ever. I fingered the material of my skirt. It was a silky soft black material that was layered with sections that looked ripped with blood red ribbons running through it. The shirt I had chosen was a black corset tank top with the same colored ribbons hanging all over it, short enough so that my toned stomach showed from just above my belly button to where the skirt lay around my hips. I had a small diamond stud in my nose ring.

I had plenty of time to kill so I decided to pull the top half of my hair into pigtails and placed the pigtails into braided buns with hair sticking out all around them like spikes. The bottom half of my hair I braided all up. The braids of my buns and the braids in the lower half of my hair all had the same blood red ribbons braided into them. I chose a vintage set of wiry jet earrings that dangled to my chin and a matching choker. On my arms were black lace fingerless gloves that laced up my arms to mid bicep, again with blood red ribbon.

Carefully I applied my make up, preferring to do things the muggle way rather then with magic. I outlined my eyes with black eyeliner, not going too dark though since I preferred not to look as if I had a black eye. Then I applied mascara and a thin layer of metallic copper colored eye shadow. Last I used a shimmer lip gloss that added a very slight bronze hue to my lips. Stepping back I surveyed my appearance and sighed. It would have to do, that was the best that it was going to get. I used several charms to make sure that my make-up would not smudge and my hair would last perfectly all day without getting into disarray. The final touches to my outfit were the black leather high heeled boots that laced up the sides of my calves and to my thighs.

I wondered what people would make of my new appearance, hoping that they would like it but at the same time daring them to disapprove. These clothes made me feel so unlike myself. I felt bolder and stronger. I felt as if I could take on the whole world if I had to. These clothes became my armor, and this make-up became my shield. I hid my true self behind this guise, not allowing anybody to see through to the real me. Perhaps if I left things like this I would be able to make it through another year.

With one final glace at my dismal appearance I turned around and headed out of my chambers and to the dungeons. Perhaps Severus would be able to help me keep my mind away from such troublesome matters. His presence, even in silence, would be better then sitting alone in my chambers with only my own treacherous thoughts for company.

* * *

I grimaced into the mirror in my private chambers in the dungeons. Students were returning today. No more would I be able to walk the halls without coming across another person. I preferred silence and solitude, and hereafter I would be unable to get either except by warding myself within my chambers. Even then the headmaster was likely to intrude at all times once the students had returned with some trivial matter or another.

My thoughts drifted briefly to Hermione and wondered how she would react to this intrusion upon her chosen solitude. I learned to read behind her mask and noticed that she hid her feelings well, and having heard of her mother's attitude towards her growing up it was apparent that she had a great deal of practice doing so. Would she be able to keep the mask in place once students returned? How would the new persona she had placed upon herself make itself known to the student body at large? How would they react to the differences in her? Only time would tell.

I brushed invisible dust off my stiff black silk shirt. Another summer was over. Another year was about to begin. I wondered how the students had changed over the summer and about the first years that would be arriving. What would this year bring? How many more incompetent students with dismal potion making skills would I be forced to endure?

A knock at my chamber doors startled me out of my reverie and I leisurely walked towards the door delaying the inevitable, assuming it was Albus coming to bother me some matter or another about the upcoming arrival of students. Indeed my days of peaceful living were over for the duration of one more ghastly school year. A sarcastic remark on the tip of my tongue I opened the door, only to find myself staring at Hermione in shock. I recovered quickly not allowing any of my emotions to be betrayed in my facial expressions.

"Would you like to come in Hermione?"

She smiled, and oh it took my breath away, although I was loathe to admit it. "Yes, I was hoping that we could keep each other company instead of either of us pacing in our chambers waiting for everyone to arrive."

"Indeed."

She walked into the room under the arm that was still holding the door open and sat down promptly on the couch. "Do you mind if I just sit here and read then?"

"No, not at all, suit yourself."

"Thank-you."

I took out a book of my own and began to read. However I could not keep my thoughts on the book, nor my eyes. They kept drifting towards Hermione curled up on the couch opposite my armchair. She looked beautiful. Without her make-up and the fancy clothes Hermione was a radiant and virtuous goddess, whose beauty was undeniable. Now, however, dressed as she was, Hermione was a seductress, however innocently she played the role.

Hermione looked like a woman ready to let go and ready to stray towards the wild side. She was a woman who was unafraid. If I did not know how innocent and inhibited she truly was I would never have been able to guess. Indeed if she acted shyly about a man coming on to her dressed as such I would only be able to assume she was being coy. I hoped that she knew what a dangerous game she was playing.

Thankfully, I had absolutely no doubts of her abilities to defend herself from her fellow students. She was one of the brightest students that these walls had seen for quite some time. Her problems with her father had only been able to escalate to such a state because he was her father, and because she had been unable to lift a wand to defend herself. If she had not been shocked by his actions knowing he was her father she might have even had a chance to get away from him without magic despite his larger physique. He knew she was well aware of the fact that it was not how hard you hit a person, but rather where and how you hit them.

After an hour so of allowing my thoughts to distract me I was finally able to concentrate on the book in my hands. Time passed quickly and soon the alarm went off notifying me that it was time to make my way to the welcoming feast. Hermione jumped quite visibly and I snorted.

"Unfortunately that means that it is time for us to head to the feast." I said sullenly.

She sighed, obviously wishing it weren't. "If we have to, and I suppose that we do." She stood up and stretched. I tried (really I did) not to notice the way her chest pressed into her shirt showing off a generous amount of cleavage as she arched her back.

"Would you like to walk up with me then?" I asked clearing my throat.

"I will if you don't mind me leaving this here, and coming back for it later on when I get a chance." She said looking down towards the book she left on the couch when she stood.

I nodded. "That would be acceptable. But please be sure to be discreet. I have a reputation as the terrifying Potion's Master to maintain. We would also not want to give rumors a chance to begin, for there will always be those quite ready and willing to start them."

She laughed and took my offered arm. She did not try to speak to me, and seemed to enjoy the silence as much as I did as we walked together through the corridors. When we arrived most of the students were already inside. I let go of her arm before we got close enough for any of them to notice us and motioned for her to continue. A few minutes later I entered the Great Hall and strode up to the head table, my robes billowing behind me. Cautiously, so as to avoid notice, I glanced towards Gryffndor table and sought out Hermione. She was sitting by herself towards one end of the table, drawing quite a few appreciative stares from male students throughout the hall. The robes she had donned were open revealing her attire. I saw the youngest Weasley approach her and start to chat amicably with her. From what I could read from her lips I could tell she was asking about her clothes and hair style. Teenagers, I thought with disgust, and I could see that Hermione's thoughts were much along the same lines as mine.

All eyes turned towards the entrance as Minerva entered with the first years. I placed a scowl firmly upon my face as I studied them. Hermione would do just fine, so long as the shields she had erected were able to remain in tact. I smiled inwardly, another year had begun. Who knew where it would lead us.

* * *

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne


	24. Chapter TwentyFour

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"And even though the moment passed me by  
I still can't turn away  
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
Got tossed along the way  
And letters that you never meant to send  
Get lost or thrown away  
And now we're grown up orphans  
That never knew their names  
We don't belong to no one  
That's a shame"

Name, by the Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Four

* * *

I sat towards the end of the Gryffindor table by myself. I received a great many astonished stares from every student that looked my way and noticed who I was and what I was wearing. I couldn't wait to see what Ron and Harry would say if they even noticed my existence, considering the last few years I had ceased to exist in their worlds unless notes that they had missed or they had a test that they needed to pass.

Ginny noticed me right away, shooting a clearly shocked look my way, then smiled and sat down next to me. She too lived in a world where she was hardly ever noticed, and if Ginny was noticed she was only referred to as the youngest Weasley. Her appearance had changed a bit over the summer as well, I noted. Her hair was much longer and had darkened to a beautiful auburn color rather then the previous obnoxious carrot color she had sported. Her clothes looked new rather then second hand and they fit very well, showing off new or just never before seen curves that had her getting a few looks of her own. We shared a conspiring grin and a look that promised we'd talk later.

When Ron entered the hall his face was taut and fairly red, and the look he shot his sister spoke volumes. Apparently he highly disapproved of her new attire and had already let his temper loose. Obviously he had lost considering the smug and self indulgent look on Ginny's face. She looked like the cat that ate the canary,_ and _the cream. Ginny's temper was cold and strong, rather then fiery and unpredictable like her brothers. When she lost control of it everyone ran for cover, including many Slytherins. Then Ron happened to notice me and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head and the dark look on his face deepened.

Harry strode into the Great Hall looking as if he thought he owned the place, and that we were all seated here waiting for him. Ron tapped him on the shoulder and pointed towards Ginny and I. Harry frowned and continued to the other end of the table after shooting the both of us glances that clearly stated that they would talk to us later. Despite the fact that they had barely spoken to me in a year and a half they still believed they had a 'brotherly' right to tell me what I should and shouldn't do. _Honestly_, I thought in disgust, _boys_.

Neville looked at me as if he thought I might attack him, like some rabid dog without a leash. Lavender and Parvati clearly thought that my clothes screamed fashion disaster from the appalled expressions on their faces. I congratulated myself for horrifying the self appointed fashion guru's of Hogwarts. Malfoy gave Ginny and I both curious glances and a smirk that hinted, surprisingly, of approval. In fact many of the Slytherins glanced my way in approval, where as the Gyffindors as a group seemed appalled.

The first years walked into the hall moments later and were sorted into their respective houses. Out of the nineteen new students this year eight were in Slytherin, six made it into Gryffindor, three were sorted into Ravenclaw, and the remaining two were granted to Hufflepuff. They all looked so small and short, and I found myself wondering I we really seemed that way our first year as well. That day seemed like so long ago and I was amazed at how the time flew by. I could barely believe that it was my seventh and final year at Hogwarts. With that over and done with Professor Dumbledore called for our attention.

I would like to take this time to announce our Head Girl and Head Boy this year, and if they would please stand when I call your names so that the rest of the students know who you are. This year our Head Girl will be Miss Hermione Granger of Gryffindor, and our Head Boy is Mr. Draco Malfoy of Slytherin. When the feast is over I would appreciate the both of you reporting the to head table.

"Also first years, as well as their peers," he said with a knowing glance to several older students, "should note that the Forbidden Forest is off limits. And our caretaker Mr. Filch has asked me to remind you that a list of objects forbidden in the corridors has been posted on the door to his office. Without further delay, I leave you with these final words. _Lemon Drops_." Then he clapped and the feast appeared on the table.

Studiously I avoided looking in Ron's direction; the indignant squawks of Lavender were enough to tell me that if anything his table manners had gotten worse rather then improving with time. Harry seemed hardly able to get a bite in between answering adoring questions from first years and some of the younger students. Since the defeat of Voldemort in our six year at Hogwarts he seemed to consider himself the Lady's gift to the Wizarding world. Honestly, he had grown even more self-possessed and arrogant that even Lockhart had been at his worst. That was a major achievement, although it was not one that I would be proud of.

Students began to disperse and prefects led the first years to their dorms. With a "I'll meet you in the common room later" to Ginny I walked up to the Head table, noticing Malfoy was doing the same. We both stopped directly in front of the Headmaster waiting patiently. He took a final sip of his tea and looked up at us.

"Ahh, Draco, Hermione, good to see both of you today at the beginning of your last and final year at Hogwarts. This year we have decided to try out something a bit different as far as sleeping arrangements for the Head Boy and Girl. You will each be getting your own private quarters away from the rest of your year-mates. Hermione, you already have yours set up, so you are all set. Draco, your head of house will lead you to yours. Both of you will find your night time rounds schedules in your chambers on the fireplace mantle. You are dismissed."

"I noticed that you weren't on the train today." Malfoy said to me as we walked out of the hall. "Why?"

"Not that it is particularly any of your business, but I've been here since halfway through the summer due to family troubles if you must know." I said

"Ahh, I see."

"What no sarcastic stinging reply ending in mudblood?" I said in contemptuously. "Indeed you must be sick, or perhaps you're just loosing your touch after all these years."

Malfoy winced. "I deserved that, Hermione."

"What did you call me?" I asked, truly shocked.

"I called you Hermione. That is your name isn't it." He said dryly.

"It is. I am just surprised that you bothered to know it, let alone use it." I replied honestly."

"I'm not the same wretched prat I used to be Hermione."

"Perhaps the great Draco Malfoy has gone soft?"

"Just don't tell anyone, or I'll have to work overtime to get them to cower in my presence again." He said with a wink.

I laughed. Who knew, overtures of friendship initiated by Malfoy, of all people, and on top of that he apparently had a sense of humor as well.

"I'm not the only one who has changed though, am I Hermione?"

"I'm still the same person underneath my new clothes Draco."

"Perhaps, but remember Hermione, you can't hide behind a mask forever. Especially from a master of the art, for there will always be flaws." He stopped walking and turned towards me. "Perhaps we are not so different as you would like to have thought all these years Granger. Think on that."

With that last thought he turned and left me standing there in the hallway, shocked at his final words. It was several minutes before I could bring myself to close my mouth and head towards Gryffindor common room. Indeed, perhaps we weren't that different after all, as he said. I would definitely have to think on that. I wondered what he was getting at.

* * *

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne

* * *

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	25. Chapter TwentyFive

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

"I'm sorry 'bout the attitude  
I need to give when I'm with you  
But no one else would take this shit from me  
And I'm soTerrified of no one else but me  
I'm here all the time I won't go away  
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away  
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away  
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

Reach down your hand in your pocket  
Pull out some hope for me  
It's been a long day, always ain't that right  
And no Lord your hand won't stop it  
Just keep you trembling  
It's been a long day, always ain't that right"

Long Day, by Matchbox 20

* * *

Chapter Twenty Five

* * *

It was always the same year after year, I thought in disgust, the same old footwork in the same boring dance. Such were the delicate twists and turns, and the intricacies of intrigues of my life. This was a dangerous game that I had no choice but to play, and no chance to survive at all lest I win. Such was the life of a Malfoy, especially one raised by such a deranged man who worshiped the ground that an even barmier lunatic walked upon.

Yes, indeed my life was very much like a dance and perhaps a masquerade as well. I had to choose the right partner, and dance the correct dance at all times without missing even one single beat. Every move that I made must be completely flawless lest my true identity, my true inner thoughts and intentions behind my mask, be laid bare before those who would trample me unto my death.

But it was a game I had grown tired of. It was time to pick my own path and not the one my father was attempting me to follow. I had consolidated my assets and I was well on my way to becoming able to survive without being dependant on the will and whims of idiotic fanatics. It was amazing what having a strong background in business and investing as well as a fortune available in 'pocket' money can do for the size of one's personal bank account.

Gaining Hermione's trust was just the first step in this new dance. She was the first step towards my own goals and my own life, free to do as I wish and live as I please. Meanwhile I would feel out the true intentions of my housemates and see who else was wearing the same mask as I. I would not allow any of those of my own to become bound to Voldemort the Daft if they had no such inclinations of their own.

It was a dangerous game that I now played, but it was no more dangerous then continuing down my previous path. The only difference was that now I had everything to loose, and everything to gain. Participating in this dance was no longer just a way for me to survive; it was a way for me to _live_. And I would have my life the way I wanted it or not at all.

I carefully steeled the mask that become more a part of me then an actual mask over the years as I whispered the password to my common room under my breath. The game had begun anew with start of another year. Only this year I played to win.

**

* * *

**

The common room was an absolute zoo when I walked through the portrait and I had to stifle the urge to run back out the door into my private chambers. However, Ginny would be waiting. Harry, Ron, and several of the other older Gryffindor males were crowded on the couches and discussing their summer conquests rather distastefully. In another corner the Creevy brothers were excitedly waving around pictures and talking excitedly. Neville fled from whatever he had been doing the moment he saw me appear in the portrait hole and retreated hastily to his rooms.

Finally, I spotted Ginny in the corner with Lavender and Parvati crowded around her. I laughed to myself at the disgusted look on Ginny's face that they were ignoring. Poor thing, it appeared that I was going to have to rescue her before I would have the chance to talk to her this evening. Either that or the pair would end up with a rather nasty hex on their persons considering the way Ginny's wand hand was twitching. As I started walking towards her, Ginny spotted me and jumped up shoving the pair bodily out of her way, without caring what direction they went so long as it was away from her.

"Is there somewhere we can go that is a little more private?" Ginny asked. "I'd rather not get a detention for trying to kill a student on my first day back."

I smirked. Somehow I could completely understand the feeling. "It's still well before curfew and I know that nobody will be in the library. At least nobody who would bother us, that is." I answered.

She laughed. "Then the library it is."

It was as quiet as I had expected in the library. There were no students within whatsoever. Madam Pince was wandering around dusting off the books with her wand and tidying up, and that was all.

"So what happened to you over the summer?" I began. "Finally get annoyed enough to do something about only being known as the littlest Weasley, or the Weasley girl?"

She rolled her eyes. "I had had more then enough of that before I ever stepped foot inside of Hogwarts Hermione. Fred and George offered their little sister a job in their shop doing counter work as well as testing new products. And no before you even go asking I was not a test subject. I am _not_ that stupid, please give me some credit! No I tested things like their fireworks and other non-indigestible substances."

"That does sound fun."

"It was awesome. You know for somebody as ingenious as they are with their pranks you'd think that they would have gotten much higher grades in school."

"I had always thought the same about them."

"Anyway, I used the money and bought myself an almost completely new wardrobe. I still wear my old clothes for mucking about so that I don't ruin my new things but that is all. Then I pierced my ears, found a few books on charms for your hair and clothes and that was that."

"Well you look great."

"Well what about you? What the heck happened to you? I'd say it was a little more then wanting to be noticed."

I debated with myself on what to tell her. Ginny and I had been fairly good friends when Harry, Ron, and I had been hanging around together. I didn't know that I was ready to share what had happened to me over the summer in complete detail with her just yet. I wasn't sure that I was ready to share that with anybody, except Severus and even then that was moot point because he of course already knew the whole story. What he hadn't known he had guessed completely accurately as well. For Ginny, however, I decided the short version was best.

"I had a bit of a rough time over the summer because my mother was divorcing my father and left me with him over the summer while she went away on some trip. He took it out on me and was drinking himself into a rather nasty temper almost nightly. There was a gruesome accident and he died. The only thing she was worried about when the Professors picked me up was her vacation and was annoyed at them for interrupting it."

"Oh, Hermione! That is just awful." She said sympathetically. "That must have been just horrid for you!"

"It was." She didn't even know the half of it. "But I realized then that I had been living my life trying to please people who didn't truly love me or even really care about me and what I wanted. I decided that I was going to make a change in my appearance so that I could be myself rather then what they had wanted me to be."

"Well, I must say I'm glad you didn't go completely punk or gothic on me. You're just not the type. However, that mix of vintage, gothic, and punk that you've got going on is completely you."

"Thanks Ginny."

From there on in the conversation, I hate to admit, sadly deteriorated to all sorts of girly gossip and other such topics. We traded spells and charms for hair and make-up, and caught up with all the things that had happened since we had last spoken. Then of course the topic turned to her brother and Harry.

"So what did Ron say to you about your new clothes? I gather he didn't approve?"

"Hardly." She said dryly. "He seems to have personally made it his mission to get with every female in all of Hogwarts and likes them with as little clothes on as possible, if you get my drift. Yet he still seems to think that his little sister is a child. I'm only one year younger then him, honestly! He's so immature!"

"Some things never change," I laughed.

"He tried to tell me to change immediately when he finally noticed what I was wearing because it was inappropriate for someone my age. Then when that didn't work he tried to tell me that I was nothing more then some whore. That's when I hexed him out of the compartment and he had to get Harry's help. Then Harry had his say about what was and wasn't decent for a young lady to do and wear."

"That's all?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

"Oh hardly, but that's the gist of it." She smiled smugly again. "He threatened to tell Mom, and I can't wait until he does. You know he won't think about what he's saying and who he is saying it to. She helped me pick out a good deal of these clothes and had a fantastic time dressing up her 'little girl'. There are a few things she doesn't know about but not many. She really does have good taste but with the budget always so tight there was little she could do about it."

"I can understand that I suppose."

"So where are you're rooms? Must be nice not to be stuck in the tower anymore" She grimaced.

I laughed. "Are Parvati and Lavender giving you that much of a problem already?"

"Oh them I can handle. But I swear if I get one more comment about trying to fit in and 'join the big girls' they're going to be wishing they were facing Voldemort instead of me." She meant it, that girl was wicked with a wand and great with curses.

"I have my own room near the tower and yes it's wonderful." I looked up at the window and gasped. It was fully dark outside. "Its long past curfew time, Madam Pince has even gone as well it seems for ours is the only lantern left in the entire library!"

Ginny looked around in surprise. "I guess it is. We'd better get going. I don't want to run into Snape or Filch on our first night back."

"I'll walk with you back to the tower and then I'll head to my rooms. At least as Head Girl I'll have a bit of an excuse to why I am out of my rooms so late."

"Works for me"

We walked back to Gryffindor tower silently and bade each other goodnight at the portrait hole. I was glad that Ginny and I were talking again. I wasn't sure that I entirely trusted her as of yet but it was good to have a female friend again. She and I would get along, that I was sure of. Only time would tell if she was going to be truly trustworthy once more.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I never noticed the approach of a second lantern in the dark corridor, nor did I notice when that person came into view. I walked right into that warm breathing somebody without any notice whatsoever and fell backwards on the hard floor of the corridor and dropped my lantern. I gasped in pain as I turned my ankle as I fell, wrenching it horribly.

_That's going to hurt, _I thought irritated with myself, _Serves me right for not paying attention I suppose_.

We were left in complete darkness as both lanterns crashed to the floor. I heard muttered swearing. Apparently, whoever I had run into had not been paying any more attention to where they were walking then I had been.

"Lumos"

I found myself looking up at Severus as he scrambled to his feet in the darkness.

"What are you doing out of your chambers at this hour Miss Granger?" he snapped in exasperation. "You of all people should know better."

"Apparently doing the same thing that you were doing, _Professor," _I retorted. "Not watching where you were walking and knocking people to the floor. By your usual sour temper I can tell that you are perfectly all right. Oh and don't worry yourself about me, I'm perfectly fine thank-you."

He didn't even have the decency to look chagrined as I began to struggle to my feet. Instead he simply scowled deeper at me. _He's in a right fine mood._ "Well perhaps if you had been in your rooms like you belong we wouldn't be having this conversation right now," he sneered. "Or do you think now that you've been living in the castle most of the summer that you have more rights then your fellow students? I suppose you think you are more important then them and have an over inflated ego as usual. Well let me clear things up for you. Children belong in their dormitories. Now get to your rooms before I give you detention."

"Well perhaps if you weren't daydreaming you would have been awake enough to notice where you were going! Or perhaps it's _you_ who believes you're so much better then everyone else that everyone has to watch out for you and cower in your wake against the walls as you pass them!" I shouted at him.

Severus was very taken aback at that, and he didn't bother to hide it. I felt tears come into my eyes, and looked away from him. So much for friendship, I thought. Obviously I was nothing more then a simple amusement to him to pass the summer away. Now that the rest of the students were back his true colors were showing clear. How could I have been so stupid as to think that he had truly cared about me? What a fool I had been. I had trusted him. Well, who needs friends? I was better off without any.

I grabbed the wall and hauled myself to my feet, biting my lip in pain but refusing to cry out. I tasted blood and a bit of it dripped out the corner of my mouth. This was going to be hard. I let go of the wall and put my full weight on my foot, fully intending to storm past him to my rooms. However, my ankle apparently had other ideas and I couldn't help but cry out in pain as I fell back to the floor.

He caught me. "Let go of me, I don't need you Severus Snape. I don't need you or your help. Not now, not ever. Get your filthy hands off of me," I growled.

"Don't be stupid Hermione. You can't walk on that ankle. Let me help you." He said irritably.

I did my best to shove him away from me. "I said let me go. Am I not a witch? Do I not have a wand? I can figure it out. Now get your hands off of me. I don't need you or your help!"

"Fine, have it your way," he said in disgust, dropping me back down on the cold stone floor. "Just don't blame me if you find yourself spending the night there."

"Just get away from me."

"Gladly. To think I thought of you as a reasonable adult. Now I see you are nothing more then a petulant child."

And with that he walked off leaving me in darkness. His words stung. I knew he wasn't really my friend. I had been foolish to trust him. I didn't try to stand up again. I just sat there and cried.

**

* * *

**

I hated dealing with the impudent little brats that called themselves students. Only the first day back and they were already grating on my nerves. Within two hours I had already caught two students dueling and given them detentions with Filch and then caught another three planning pranks already. And I had confiscated two highly suspicious potions from a few other students.

Why me? _What did I do to deserve this?_ _Don't answer that, _I begged my conscience, _just don't. _

I had done a lot of things in my life that I was not proud of. There were many stains on my soul that would never come out. I supposed that dealing with a few insolent children was the least of my worries. In fact if that was all I had to deal with considering my list of transgressions then I was damn lucky.

Wearing this mask was starting to grate on my nerves however. I had to be a tough and uncaring bastard to my students or else word might get back to the last of the Death Eaters still at large that I was being soft on muggleborns and muggle lovers. That was simply unacceptable. My work as a spy was still mostly a secret. Most of Voldemort's followers thought that I was a double agent with my loyalties lying on their side. So I was still forced to ignore the misbehavior of Death Eater children and invent misdemeanors for all others. It was all rather tiring.

I didn't even notice that somebody was walking towards me in the corridor until I found myself sitting on the cold stone floor. _Stupid_, I screamed at myself. _Stupid_. _If I keep doing things like this word will out that I'm becoming daft and unable to keep my wits about me. Is this year over yet? _Voldemort may be no more, but the scars he and his followers had left upon the Wizarding World were still fresh and raw. As for me, some habits die hard and I will always in part be shaped by my experiences as a Death Eater and a spy.

I hardly paid attention to who was in front of me and only barely recognized the person as being Hermione. I lost my temper as a result annoyance at myself and paid not a whit of attention to the words coming out of my mouth. All I knew was that she dared to talk back to me and I was furious. Students were _not_ allowed to talk to me that way.

_How dare she, the little imp!_ I offer her help and she simply tells me that she thinks I'm a dirty old man and to keep my hands to myself! _Outrageous, simply outrageous! Of all the childish and ungrateful things to do…_

I stopped dead in my tracks swearing at myself. I had snapped at her first, I had started it. _Damn!_ Hermione had begun to trust me and I had gone and ruined it in a single moment of temper that truly had absolutely nothing to do with her. Apparently, I wasn't as intelligent as I had thought I was. That was not part of the plan. Hermione was supposed to trust me and confide in me. I was worried about her.

What was it she had said to me? That she didn't need me or my help? Yes that was it. Damn. She thought I was snapping at her because I didn't care a wit about her after all. I had to fix this before it was too late. I hurried back towards her chambers and found her exactly where I had left her in a heap on the floor.

"Oh Hermione," I said sadly, looking at her from a distance still.

She was so fragile; her trust in the world had been completely and utterly shattered. It didn't take much to make her dissolve into tears or doubt herself and those around her, and here I had gone and taken my anger out on her instead of just dealing with it. I had made a total mess of things. I walked over to where she sat and knelt down next to her.

"Hermione let me help you up." I said as soothingly as I could manage.

"Just go away," she sobbed, refusing to look up at me. "Just leave me be, haven't you done enough already?"

I ignored the odd thump and the stinging pain I was surprised to find her words cause in my heart. "I truly didn't mean anything I said to hurt you Hermione. I'm sorry I took my anger out on you but you truly weren't the cause of my annoyance."

She looked up at me with her tear streaked face and red puffy cheeks and I couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked in the reflection of my illuminated wand. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I understood completely. After all hadn't my father and mother done worse to me when I was growing up even younger then her?

"You just think I'm a silly little girl. Leave me alone _Professor_," She sobbed. "I don't need your kind of help."

Somehow her calling me by my title and not my name was an insult, and to my surprise it actually bothered me. "Actually I think you're a beautiful young woman who has been on the wrong end of the stick one too many times."

"You're just saying that," she snapped, although it sounded rather halfhearted.

"I swear to you that I meant every word that I said. I would never lie to you Hermione. I consider you my friend, my equal, and I don't use either of those words lightly. Now let me help you up off this stone floor and to your room."

She searched my face, and almost smiled. Impulsively I reached down and hugged her, holding her tightly to me. Her resolve broke and she clung to me. She buried her face in my chest and held on to me. _Strange how good it felt to be held by her_, I thought, _how good it felt to be needed_. Then she sat back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

"I'm sorry, I seem to be doing altogether too much of that lately."

"I don't mind."

"There are many students here who would faint to hear you say such a thing my snarky professor."

I raised my eyebrow. "When did I become _your_ professor?"

She blushed slightly and changed the subject quickly. "Could you help me off this stone floor now please, I'm getting rather cold. My ankle is rather bad off."

I pulled her to her feet and had her place her arm around my shoulder. We attempted to walk like that for a few paces but it was far too awkward.

"This is too much Hermione I'm just going to carry you. It will be far easier and far quicker."

"Okay," she said in a rather small strained voice.

"I'll take a good look at that ankle and see what I can do for you when we get to your rooms where there is more light. Hold on good Hermione, I don't want you to fall again."

We arrived at her rooms in no time after that. I sat her down on her couch and gently pulled her shoe off. I passed my wand over her leg a few times and sighed with relief. Not broken.

"You're lucky it's just a bad sprain."

"I don't feel so lucky right now." She said irately. "It hurts like hell."

"I have some salve in my pocket. If you'll trust me, I can massage it into the ankle. It will hurt more at first but it will go away and it should be better my morning."

"If you must please just hurt up and get it over with."

I nodded. She barely flinched and made not single sound although I could see the sweat beading up on her forehead as she clenched her teeth. Finally I head a sigh of relief and I knew the salved had kicked in.

"There, that should solve that problem. I best be going now. Goodnight Hermione.

"Goodnight Severus."

I was at the door when I heard her call my name again softly.

"Yes Hermione?

"Did you mean what you said? That you thought I was beautiful?" she asked with an odd look on her face.

"I told you I would never lie to you Hermione, and I meant it." I said softly.

"Oh." She paused. "Thank-you. You know, for everything."

"You are most welcome Hermione." I closed the door and walked back down to my chambers. It was going to be a long year.

* * *

Hope you enjoy the extra long chapter!

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne


	26. Chapter TwentySix

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Six

* * *

"Oh no,  
Here it is again  
I need to know when I will fall in decay

Somehting wrong  
With every plan of my life  
I didn't really notice that you've been here

Dolefully desired,  
Destiny is a lie."

Heavan's a lie, by Lacuna Coil

* * *

Of all the stupid things I could have said and I had to let _that_ little snippet slip out of my mouth. _Great Gods_, I was either beginning to go soft or I was beginning to loose my wits. I had actually admitted to her that I thought she was beautiful. That was not necessary! I had only needed to calm her down so that she would allow me to help her. I had most definitely _not_ meant to allow those words to tumble from my mouth. After all, I was still her professor for another year and such admissions were entirely inappropriate.

_Although, Severus, you've found yourself in many positions that are entirely inappropriate since she moved into the castle Professor or not. _

I shook my head at my hopelessness as I wandered the corridors, making the last of my rounds. Eventually I decided that I had had enough and headed towards the dungeons and my chambers. I was inclined to believe that I was indeed loosing my wits. As much as I hated to admit it, I did care for the girl. What happened to her mattered to me.

Perhaps it was that she reminded me of myself as a child. She was so eager to please and so keen to learn as much as humanly possible, and then some. There was great pain in her past, most of it stemming from things her parents had done to her throughout her childhood. There was also an immense amount of misunderstandings between her and her peers. She was set apart from them in the same way that I had been as a child. I had noticed the way she always set herself apart from them, and they from her. It was even more noticeable when the 'Golden Trio' split up and she lost the two friends that made others seek out her company.

She was mature beyond her years in a way that I never was, though. For if I had truly been mature, I would have grown from my experiences rather then allowing myself to fall down the path that eventually led me to the dark lord. Yes, Hermione had changed. She had become more sarcastic and more caustic in her view of the world, but she had not fallen into darkness. In Hermione had been the strength, or perhaps just enough remaining innocence, to allow herself to trust again that I had been lacking in my youth. That and she had me, whether she realized it or not. Whether she liked it or not.

I often wondered if having somebody to trust in and believe in me would have made enough of a difference for me when I was a youth. It was possible that if I had somebody that I trusted enough to confide in that I would never have made the mistakes I made or committed those horrific crimes during my life as a Death Eater. It was true that I had been through much more then Hermione had in my childhood, but it was always conceivable that one true friend would have made the difference in my life.

However, it was more then the simple fact that she reminded me a great deal of myself growing up. The things that made her herself and no other allowed her to work herself under my skin in a way that no other had in over two decades. I allowed her to see a side of me that no other had ever seen, except by chance perhaps Albus Dumbledore had seen on rare occasion. She had a grip on my heart in a way I was at a loss to describe.

In truth more then half of me wanted to push her away before she wound herself even deeper under my skin. After all, old habits die hard. From years of living my life as a spy I had learned to live a solitary life to ensure that nobody could be used against me as well as to ensure that I would have nobody to leave behind should something happen to me during the war. Years of being ridiculed and disdained by my peers had also given me plenty of reason to loose faith in humanity. It was hard to not push her away.

I entered my chambers and headed towards my bathroom, stripping and leaving clothes strewn along my pathway as I went. I relaxed as I soaped up and let the warm water flow over my body. It had been a very long and tiring day, and there were only more such days to come. With a match and tinder I carefully fed fire in my bedroom until it was roaring. Then I set a charm so that it would continue to blaze all night long and keep the room at the same temperature. That was one of the very few things I preferred to do without my wand when I had the time. I climbed into the sheets of my bed after muttering a simple drying charm on my hair and body.

I was a solitary man by nature. The social behaviors of my fellow human beings mystified me. I much rather keep my own company and brew my potions or focus on a good book. Potions and books were easy enough to control, books didn't hurt you. When your entire life there had been no single trust that had not been betrayed you tended to remain solitary and therefore safe. Those social endeavors that did not mystify me simply annoyed me and were classified as not to be bothered with.

I was a man who lived a lonely life and I enjoyed it. I liked not having to explain myself to anyone and being able to do things my way without question. Even Dumbledore let me do things the way that I wanted to for the most part. He tried to lure me out of my shell but for the most part he failed. I was very set in my ways.

No, there were no words that I could find for how she was changing me. In a way, that change scared me. However, another side of me welcomed the change wholeheartedly. I had been alone for far too long and I would welcome the chance for friendship. After all, there wasn't much she could do that would hurt me anymore then I had already been hurt. In the last month before school Hermione and I had begun to treat each other like equals. That balance was about to tip itself slightly as the school year began. I would be her teacher once more, but perhaps we would be able to remain equals in the company of each other.

Maybe, if she proved to me that she too thought of me as a true friend, I would tell her about myself. Perhaps I would reveal some of the many sordid details of my past. And one day, if those details did not scare her away, I would tell her everything. And if she still chooses to remain by me, then I would trust her completely without holding back. Still I was a cautious man. I would be there for her, but I would not reveal anything more then necessary about myself until I knew she was trustworthy.

I doused all the lights in my chamber and rolled over into a more comfortable position in the bed. With a sigh I closed my eyes. _Yes, someday I might just do that_, was my last thought as I quickly fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**

* * *

**

I groaned as I sat in History of magic class while professor Binns droned on and on in a completely monotone voice. This was the one class I barely managed to stay awake during, never mind take notes. I only passed this class by reading the books beforehand and taking my notes directly from them. It was all I could do to not fall asleep in this class.

History of magic was a fascinating subject so long as I wasn't listening to the ghostly professor. It was amazing and horrible how a teacher with no enthusiasm could ruin a subject for the entire student body. Even Professor Snape at his worst was very thorough in his teaching methods and his students, if they bothered to pay attention that is, could not deny his interest in the subject. His obvious enthrallment with the subject was contagious often times.

My stomach growled as the bell rang and class was dismissed. Good, it was almost supper time. The first day back to classes and so far I had managed to avoid Harry and Ron during all the classes that we had together. The Slytherins that I had come across seemed more subdued in their attitudes to me. In fact the first one that had made a point to harass me was told quietly to step down by the baffling Draco Malfoy. One of the students had started giving me a rough time earlier in the day but Draco had stopped him simply by putting a hand on the boy's shoulder and shaking his head disapprovingly. Since the 'King of Slytherin' had spoken for me it seemed that I was under close scrutiny from the rest of the house. Perhaps I had acquired a bit of grudging respect from them as a result of this. This year was looking far better then expected already.

I had one class left for the day, potions, and as always the majority of students in the class were Gryffindors and Slytherins, although there were a few students from other houses due to the fact that this was the newt level class. I picked one of the small tables near the front of the room wondering how things were going to be in class for this year, especially where Severus and I were companionable with one another now. I supposed that things were going to be almost exactly as they had been before, after all the man was still my teacher and I couldn't expect his attitudes to change overnight. Perhaps I might be able to look forward to less stinging comments about being a know-it-all.

I had a few minutes alone in the classroom before I noticed the back door open as Severus came striding into the room looking ever the part of the evil Potions Master. I smiled at him.

"Good Evening, Severus."

He looked at me for a moment as if slightly confused and then frowned slightly. "Hermione, I hope you realize that our friendship changes nothing of our relationship in the classroom and before other students."

"What sort of simpleton do you take me for Severus? Of course I realize that. I just thought I'd say a simple hello before the other students arrived if you don't mind." I smiled impishly at him. "After all you wouldn't want the students to get any ideas about you possibly being human beneath the guise of the greasy, vampire-ish, overgrown bat Professor with cantankerous tendencies that you have donned. After all you wear the guise so well."

He opened his mouth looking indignant and as if he wanted to say something to counter my statement, but my peers could be heard approaching. I did my best to look as if he had said something to upset me and Severus wore a particularly cross expression upon his face. Several of the students shot sympathetic looks my way at being the first student to arrive.

Once the clock chimed to signal the beginning of class everyone rushed to their seats. After all nobody wanted to induce the wrath of Professor Snape, especially not on our first full day of classes. In the end I was lucky enough to have the seat beside me remain empty and thus ensured that I would be able to work alone until Severus decided to assign partners.

"The seats that you have chosen shall be yours until I see fit to change them, so remember them!" barked Severus. "This is a newt level class, and that means that every single one of you in this pathetic bunch has managed to scrape together enough points to get a Outstanding or higher on your Owls for potions. As such, I expect a certain level of excellence from all of you. As much as I hate to admit it, you are now the elite of Hogwarts for this class. Prove that you deserve it, and if you can't keep up you had best drop out of the class now and save me the trouble."

"There is a potion on the board; do any of you recognize it?" I dared to raise my hand. "Put your hand down Miss Granger no need to be a know it all, after all I'm sure this entire class is aware that you have most likely memorized the entire book already. Stop showing off it doesn't become you."

A few brave souls snickered quietly at that. _Damn!_ I knew it was too much to hope for. I glared at him. I supposed I deserved that for my comment to him. _So much for getting the last word!_ Still, it would have been nice if his retaliation had not been in front of the entire class. And if he thought I didn't see the smirk behind his sneer directed towards me as he insulted me then he wasn't as smart as everyone believed.

"Well apparently Miss Granger is the only one of you who bothered to come to this class prepared as this is the Dreamless Sleep draught found in the very first chapter of your textbooks. How pathetic, and to think this is the best that Hogwarts has to offer. Open your books to page 13 and get started. I expect this potion brewed and bottled and sitting on my desk before the end of class." Nobody moved. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get working!" he shouted.

Class went smoothly, the potion was easy enough for me to complete, and was in fact a potion at about fifth year level. The steps were simple, but if you missed the timing by more then a few seconds the potion would be completely ruined. I focused entirely on the potion before me. At one point I noticed Severus hovering behind my shoulder, his cloak draping casually against my back as studied my cauldron intently, something that usually never happened. Normally, despite the occasional close quarters Severus had the remarkable ability to keep his cloak at least a finger width from your person at all times.

"Good. Don't vanish your potion at the end of class Miss Granger."

I smiled. That meant he approved of my potion. I heard him go around the room and tell Malfoy and Goyle the same thing. I bottled my sample and brought it up to Severus' desk at the front of the room. As I sat down in my seat once more the five minute warning bell rang.

"We will often be brewing medicinal potions as a part of this year's curriculum. For those of you that mange to brew potions of a high enough standard, your potions will be used to restock the Hospital Wing's supplies. Except for Miss Granger and Misters Malfoy and Goyle none of you were able to even come close to reaching those high standards. By the end of this semester I expect more then half of you to be able to manage this feat."

The final bell rang and the students filed out of the classroom as fast as humanly possible. This was the last class of the day and everyone was rushing to the Great Hall to fill their stomachs. I lingered, moving slowly while I gathered my things. I received a few cursory glances from a few students, but soon Severus and I were alone in the classroom. Then I proceeded to I sling my bag over my shoulder and walk up to where he was seated at his desk.

"Couldn't resist the know-it-all jibe, I suppose?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea of what you're talking about." He said with a smirk.

"Don't play innocent with me Severus Snape I'm no fool to your game."

"Why ever would I commit such a ridiculous act such as that? Really Hermione I do believe that you are loosing your wits."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "And you sir, are loosing your touch."

"Ahh that is where you are mistaken Miss Granger, but perhaps I am playing in far deeper waters then you can handle."

"Try me."

He stood up and leaned over the desk with his face only inches from mine. A shiver ran down my spine and unconsciously I licked my lips. I looked right into his eyes, not willing to back down, or back away. Curiously enough, a great deal of me wanted to lean nearer and close the gap between us. I gulped and he smiled, mistakenly reading the reaction as nervousness. Abruptly he sat down and fingered through the papers on his desk.

"Go up to supper Hermione, before somebody realizes that you never left Potions class and wonders if the 'vampire-ish' professor made you his victim." He said without looking up.

"Goodnight Severus, then. And relax, your shoulders are tense and you were clenching your teeth all class. You'll give yourself a headache for sure. Sleep well."

I turned and left the room without another word, though I sensed his eyes on my back the entire way up to the Great Hall. At least I had managed to have the last word. That had to count for something, didn't it? All well, no matter. I knew my victory would be short lived one way or another but I planned on gloating while I could.

September flew by quite quickly. Ginny and I continued our tentative friendship and Malfoy warily tested the waters between him and I carefully. Occasionally he had even gone as far as to sit with Ginny and myself in the Library on several separate occasions to have a discussion on different subjects with the two of us. I was mistrustful of his motives but his intentions seemed honest enough. Draco never asked probing questions and steered clear of any subjects that would inevitably end up in a discussion concerning Ron or Harry.

I had seen Ginny eyeing Draco shamelessly on several occasions and when he thought she wasn't looking he had done the same. I had my suspicions on whether they had been talking without my presence but I kept them to myself. If Ginny was brave enough to pursue Draco despite her brother's undoubtedly horrific reactions should they find out, then power to her. And if he dared to dream of Ginny despite the repercussions of his and her family's opinions of such a thing then I would not stop him. After all, if he dared to court Ginny then perhaps there was another side to Draco then one I had known in my earlier years.

I tried several more experimentations with different elements using the muggle texts I had found on Wicca, Paganism, or whatever each author preferred to call themselves. Without a wand or any sort of spell I was now able to call the wind to me at any time as well as make the water in a bowl move clockwise and counterclockwise in a bowl. I had a much easier time calling flame as well. I kept all of my tests as well as my progress and my exact wordings with spells I tried logged in a notebook.

I spent many long hours meditating in my rooms to relax myself. I still wasn't quite over my ordeal from the summer. I had found that meditating, grounding, and centering kept me sane. In the back of my mind I knew that I was not really dealing with the trauma but merely pushing it aside, but it was the best that I could do for the moment. I still had nightmares but they came less frequently and weren't as vivid anymore.

Eventually I found another way to cast a circle as well. In my opinion calling the quarters was completely unnecessary, altogether too much ceremony over so simple a thing. I simply envisioned my aura solidifying in a protective egg-like shell and then expanded that shell around my working area. Then I called visualized the energies of each element joining with my aura and set it. It took me less then five minutes and felt right to me.

Severus and I barely had time to talk with our demanding schedules. I was Head Girl and as focused as ever about getting as close to perfect marks as I could manage. He had his classes as well as the duties of Head of House. I owled him some of my notes discretely, as well as a comment or two, so that he could remain up to date and he often relied with a casual remark or two as well. He was quite curious about my progress in the elemental magic. He had pointed out a few books in his library that spoke of ancient wizarding customs that were like what I had found in the muggle community. It was all quite interesting.

Before I knew it, October had passed as well and it was only a week before the Halloween ball. The prefects had decided that it was to be a masquerade this year and all years would attend as was customary. As Head Girl I would be required to attend the first part of the dance for ceremonial reasons, but afterwards I was hoping that I could slip away and get a chance to talk to Severus. I missed his company. Now all that remained was taking a day to go to Hogsmede with Ginny and get my costume…

* * *

Author's Notes

Hope everyone is doing well

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne

* * *

**Read and Review!**


	27. Chapter TwentySeven

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Seven

* * *

"Confession of depression  
This life I'm second guessing  
Like ashes to ashes  
I always seem to fall down.  
I'm, tired of running  
Its time to face my demons  
Confession of depression  
This life I'm second guessing

My emotions are storming  
And tear fall just like rain  
Pain strikes like lightening  
Despair is becoming my friend."

Black Clouds by Papa Roach

* * *

It was hard being back in school after what I had been through that summer; a lot harder then I wanted to admit. I hated having people within touching distance and in my personal space. Every time somebody got too close I had to resist the urge to lash out at them or to run away in panic. There were many times that I came very close to hyperventilating. Even the accidental brush on an arm against my side in the hallway made me uncomfortable.

Thankfully most days I was given wide berth by my peers. Before I had been an outcast because of my bookish tendencies, now I was now removed from my peers because of my appearance and the new attitude that I had created to go with it. I now tended to stare down anyone who looked at me in more then a passing glance and unmercifully hexed those who dared to have the insolence to provoke or disagree with me. As Head Girl I also deducted house points from students without remorse under the excuse that they were disturbing my peace.

I had no pity for those who broke the rules and I found myself viewed by many, even those of my own house, in the same regards as the dread Severus Snape. Behind my backs where they thought I would not hear I was scorned for my now notorious waspish temper. Where Severus had become labeled as a vampire by popular opinion, I became labeled as a banshee.

Hogwarts student body learned to respect, if not fear, me, especially the younger students. To them I was a nightmare come alive and I scared the little wits they possessed from them without trying. I did my best to enhance that fear. If people were afraid then they wouldn't try to get close. And if they didn't try to get close they wouldn't touch me. I became somebody the students tip-toed around, and looked out for warily.

At the same time I also became sort of a Champion to all those who were being bullied by others. Verbal abuse I ignored, but any time I saw another student being tormented physically I made sure that they were protected. However, I did so while appearing to remain indifferent to their plight. I simply glared and scowled at the offenders and proclaimed that they were disturbing my piece before punishing them with my wand and then removing house points. Within less then a month fewer students were being harassed. It became bad luck to hassle another. Thankless and unaware of my help they remained, but that mattered very little to me, after all I wanted them to continue to fear me.

Nobody, except perhaps Severus, was aware of the fear that lurked within me. Every time somebody raised their voices in anger it was all that I could do not to flinch. Even Ginny, who I was continuing to develop a friendship with, remained unaware of my true feelings. She saw only what I allowed her to see. No matter what emotions warred beneath the surface, I always appeared cool, calm, or indifferent. With her I kept my mask up, allowing her only to see happiness if any emotion at all.

With Severus there was no mask. I could not explain why but he and I became fast friends and I had complete and total trust in him. I allowed myself to simply be myself. I stopped confiding in him though, for he had told me very little about himself. Every question asked, and every inquiry made was artfully turned aside or completely ignored. He refused to open up to me and therefore I refused to bare my soul to him.

We talked though, of simple things and of people who irritated us. Our conversations broached all subjects imaginable except our true feelings and our pasts. Twice a week we would meet up during our free periods and just enjoy one another's company, sometimes only reading and not talking at all. Our friendship was solid and unquestionable. I only wished that the trust I had in him would be eventually be returned.

Draco and I often wound up in the library conversing on all kinds of intellectual topics. Surprisingly, I found him very well read on many subjects and our conversations often became intense debates on certain theories and methods on different subjects. While Severus and I conversed as equals, Draco and I battled each other ferociously doing our best to trounce one another with our knowledge. Sometimes we even appropriated for ourselves the use of the Room of Requirement and had mock duels. As a result of this our healing abilities strengthened and developed quite well, although there were several occasions that resulted in a trip to the infirmary with the other's assistance. Madam Pomphrey despaired of us and told us so at least once a week.

It didn't take long before we were fast friends. Draco was unashamed of my ability to best him regularly and was quick to admit it when I had. I now had the respect of the entire Slytherin house who accepted me as almost an honorary member of their house. Indeed there were several times that many of the older students had attempted to befriend me, though as a whole even they gave me wide berth. Many nights I often ate dinner with them while Draco and I verbally sparred to the amusement of the rest of the house.

McGonagall continued to berate me at all possible times. She despaired in my attitude and often deplored my habit of docking house points indiscriminately. My alliance with the Slytheirns was another matter of irritation to her despite her declarations of school unity and cooperation between Houses. Whenever she managed to get me alone she made overall disapproval quite clear and pleaded with me to be the obedient and well mannered girl I used to be. She was at a loss as to what to do with me, as I was told quite frequently, and unfortunately stubbornly determined to get her Gryffindor pupil back.

I was happy though, happier then I had been in a long time. When I was friends with Ron and Harry they always expected something from me. Ginny, Draco, and Severus expected nothing more then what I freely offered them. They did not press me for more then I was willing to give and rarely asked anything of me. I was free from the obligation of trying to be what they wanted me to be. I only had to be myself around them, although I did hide my feelings from them. They did not press. Ginny with her brothers, and Draco with the way he was brought up, understood my need for privacy and fully respected that. Severus had also grown up in very similar circumstances to Draco and also respected my secrecy.

For once in my life I didn't have to do anything to make somebody like me. It was relieving and invigorating in a way that nothing else had ever been. Their simple acceptance at who I was strengthened me in a way that I never imagined. Though I still had a fear of being touched and a deep seated fear of physical abuse, I slowly recovered from that summer. The scars would never go away, but the wounds that caused them no longer bled. I was completely secure in who I was for the first time in my life and confident in myself and my abilities. Truly I had never been happier in my entire life.

The end of October crept up on me before I knew it, and with it came the Halloween ball.

* * *

I banged the book on the table to get the prefect's attention, and they all moved quickly to their seats around the table. Draco and I sat at the head of the table, and they all deferred to our authority without question. Ginny was the only one out of the prefects who did not fear us in the least bit.

"Tonight's agenda is to assign duties for the preparations for the Halloween Dance. It has been decided that there will be general celebration for the entire student body on Halloween itself, two weeks from this Wednesday, starting after last period classes and concluding at curfew. The following Friday there will be a Masquerade Ball for fifth year students and up that will begin at six o'clock that evening in the Great Hall continuing until one o'clock in the morning. Students not attending will be served dinner directly in their house common rooms."

Draco continued where I left off. "We have decided been given a list of possible menu items for both events and have been asked to pick the final menu from them. If we can agree on an item not found on this list then it will be added to the menu as well. Also, as a treat Professor Flitwick shall be teaching the charm to carve intricate designs into our pumpkins to all of his classes and every pumpkin design that we approve of shall be featured in our decorations. It will be our job to go over all the pumpkins to choose those suitable and then cast the charms to preserve them and remain lit after sunset until the Sunday following the masquerade."

My turn again. "Two students need to be in charge of pumpkins. We need two students to be in charge of decorating the Hall for Halloween night and another two in charge of clean up the following morning before breakfast. Draco and I will be in charge of the decorating for the Masquerade, and the rest of you will be on clean up duty when the masquerade ends. A Professor will help each set of students with all duties." When I finished speaking we divvied up the tasks between ourselves and I made note of who was in charge of what in the notebook before me.

"The decorating committee has until the weekend before Halloween to submit their design plans for approval. Pumpkins will be checked and put up this weekend. Hannah and Ron are on Duty this weekend to supervise the Hogsmede trip; McGonagall is the Professor on duty and will meet with each of you a half hour before departure to assign you your duties. Are there any questions?" Ron simply glared at Draco, but no hands were raised.

"Meeting Dismissed," Draco and I said in unison. Draco and I shared a conspiring grin as we exited the room together; this was going to be fun. We had already come up with the perfect design for the masquerade and we couldn't wait to see people's reactions.

Ginny waited for me in the hall. "Volunteering to give all those pumpkins a once over and then charm them may not have been the smartest idea that I've ever had, Hermione."

"Don't go whining to me about it, you offered." I teased. "Besides, it won't be that bad. You're great at charms and it will take you no time at all. Professor Flitwick will already have disposed of the really horrible designs before they even leave his classroom. And don't think that I don't know that you're more then capable of charming a dozen or so pumpkins at a time, Ginevra Weasley."

She grinned. "That's true. It's slightly more exhausting to broaden the spell to encompass that many pumpkins at once but it will save time too. What I really wanted to talk to you about was if you'd already picked out your costume for the masquerade."

"You're the same Barbie girl as ever as ever I see. It really is too bad," I sighed despairingly, "I had thought I had finally knocked some sense into that pretty little head of yours. What a waste."

"Off with the dramatics Hermione," Ginny laughed, punching my shoulder, "Or I'll just have to show you how sharp my wits are with a physical demonstration of my wand."

"Promises, Promises," I replied sweetly. "You whisper sweet nothings in my ear but you never follow through."

"If I ever thought that you were serious, Hermione, I do believe I would have to hurt you. Or perhaps run away screaming."

"Homophobe."

"Not at all. Don't give me that look I know it bothers you as much as it does me. I don't give a damn what anyone else does but the thought of me doing it? I'm all set, thanks. Besides, I'm starting to think that Fred and George swing both ways."

"It wouldn't surprise me, honestly. Whatever makes them happy, I suppose."

"Yes but if you could just imagine the look on Ron's face if he ever figured it out. He'd freak. I'm not sure how mom and dad would react." She said pensively.

"I can see Molly exploding with some sort of 'no son of mine' nonsense, but then again once in a while she surprises you with her understanding."

"Exactly. So, about those dresses for the masquerade…"

"We can go shop together, and if we don't find what we need. I've got a great set of transfiguration spells that will take care of the rest if we just pick out a new dress to lay the spell over."

"Meet you at the gates for nine sharp then."

I turned away from Ginny and walked back towards my chambers. There was a lot of research that I intended to do today despite the fact that it was Friday. I grimaced to myself; other kids did things with their friends Friday nights. What did I do? I locked myself into my chambers with my books and parchment for notes until all sorts of ungodly hours of the night.

Madam Pince had been able to locate an ancient looking text that spoke of elemental magic. I was intrigued. Tonight the plan was to compare it to the muggle texts that I had found in London and see where they agreed on certain subjects. I also had a few advanced books on wandless magic. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Around midnight my stomach announced that it had waited long enough for food. I was surprised that it had gotten so late without my noticing, but then again it wasn't exactly shocking that once again I had been distracted by the prospect of research and a good book. I smirked; some habits were apparently hard to break. I couldn't fool myself. I could change the way I dressed and walk with more confidence in my step, but inside I was the same bushy-haired mousy little bookworm.

Once again I had missed dinner, but there were several privileges of being Head Girl. One of them included the ability to walk through Hogwarts walls without being questioned. I grabbed my cloak and my wand and headed out into the corridors and down towards the kitchens. I was sure that I could convince one of the house elves to sneak me some dinner. Hell all I had to do was walk in the door and they'd be trying to stuff the food into my hands.

I tickled the ridiculous peach and climbed through the portrait hole, and saw Severus Snape sitting at the table with a mug in his hands. As he turned to look at me I stood there frozen for a minute until he raised an eyebrow mockingly. Duh, Head Girl, I was allowed to be out of my dorm.

"Miss be wanting something?" squeaked a voice from my elbow, and I turned to see Dolby grinning at me. "Can I be getting something for Miss?"

I smiled. "Well, you see Dolby I sort of missed my dinner, do you have any leftovers from the Great Hall?"

"Oh yes, we be having plenty of leftovers still. I'll go get yours with the Master Snape's. Dolby go get you tea." He whirled around and ran off in the other direction happily.

By the time I reached the table to sit down there was another place setting at the table and another mug. I poured myself a steaming cup from the kettle that Severus was drinking from without bothering to ask what kind of tea it was. I added three teaspoons of sugar automatically. I picked the cup up without ever really looking at its contents and began to take a sip.

"Aren't you going to ask what that is before you take a sip?" he said incredulously as I paused. "You never know what I might be drinking."

"Is it tea?" I asked

"Yes," he began, stopping when I held up my hand.

"Then that's all I need to know. I haven't tasted many teas that I've ever disliked. Most of the ones I won't drink I know by smell, and this smells divine. And chances are I've probably had it already."

Shamelessly and crudely I chugged half the mug to ease my thirst before I took a small sip and swirled it around my mouth to discern the exact flavor. This earned me another one of Severus classic raised eyebrow looks that clearly asked me what I thought without words.

"Oolong tea, mixed with…. chai spices?" He nodded. "Interesting mix, I like it."

"I like a wide variety of tea, most of it interesting at best, and often strange as well."

"Severus, it just wouldn't be you if it was ordinary." I replied automatically.

"The same could be said of you, Hermione."

"Yes, well, I'll just choose to take that as a compliment and let it be. Besides, you know I'm much more entertaining this way."

"Entertaining isn't the word I'd choose, but I suppose for the sake of civilized conversation it will have to do."

I punched him lightly in the shoulder for that, earning myself another raised eyebrow. "Be nice, or I'll have to pull out the big guns."

"Why Hermione," he replied placing his hand over his heart and feigning shock, "I'm shocked at your insinuation that I could be anything but a perfect gentleman."

"You don't fool me Severus Snape. I don't have the top grades in this school and wear this shiny head girl badge for nothing."

A big serving tray rolled up next to us beside the table and there were at least four anxious house elves staring at us and wringing their hands waiting for our approval. I took a deep breath as Severus pulled the lid off tray to reveal a feast big enough to feed a family of four.

"That smells divine. Thank-you so much," I said to the house elves waiting, "It's wonderful. We'll let you know if we need anything else."

Silence reigned while we both filled our plates with food fit for kings. Brown sugar carrots, cheesy mashed potatoes, roast beef, crescent rolls, and more culinary wonders then my stomach had room for. I was reminded of a scene from the Disney film Beauty and the Beast when Belle wanders down to the kitchen and the Dishes serve her a feast. An involuntary snicker caused me to nearly choke on my roast beef.

"Don't ask; you really don't want to know. It's a muggle thing." I said to Severus without looking up at him."

"Indeed," was all that he replied.

"So, did you finally realize that the sunlight was far too much for you and burry yourself within the dark confines of your chambers only to emerge with moonrise?"

Okay so I was bored, and the silence was getting to me. So what if my comments were lame.

He forked a piece of the roast beef that was visibly covered with minced garlic and displayed it to me, taking a big bite. "You see this, I'm eating all this garlic and I'm not shriveling up like a corpse. How do you explain that?"

"You're an Italian Vampire? Alright I give, you're just a cranky old man Severus and that's that." One of the house elves walking by stopped and stared at me eyes bugging out of its head at my casual comments to the dread Potions Master and his lack of retaliation. I turned and stared at it for a few minutes until it quickly looked away and kept on doing its duties.

Severus stifled a snicker in another mouthful of roast beef and I turned my glare on him. It wasn't as frightening as his own glare, but please give me some credit here! Severus had a probably a good twenty years on me that he had undoubtedly spent perfecting that glare.

"I heard that. Don't you dare say it was nothing! What was that all about?"

"Apparently the S.P.E.W. campaigning was so unsuccessful that even you gave up on it. That elf looked like it was going to wet itself if you continued to glare at it any longer."

I rolled my eyes. "I still think its cruel that they are nothing but slaves but even I know a lost cause when I see one. The stupid things are like little bedraggled strays that turn up on your doorstep. Whatever they might have been before they became slaves to their masters, it's been too long for them to remember or even want any other kind of life."

"Very true, some say that they are the distant cousins of Brownies, an ancient race of faeries. That they are Half-breeds of sorts. Who knows at this point our history isn't very clear on the subject."

"I suppose that would make sense."

We continued to eat in silence once more. I sighed. A few minutes later our plates were cleared and another tray filled with desserts appeared at out tableside. I heaped a plate with sugar puffs, a cinnamon roll covered in icing, and some fruit pastries. Severus picked up a single apple turnover and ate it carefully, staring at my plate in disbelief.

"I can see you're not worried about that figure of yours. Good Gods woman how do you expect to fit all that in your stomach and not burst at the seams."

"Where there is a will there is a way, and trust me, there is plenty of will."

"At least you don't eat like Weasley."

I shuddered. Indeed that was a horrific scene. "Now you know why you never caught me eating much at the Great Hall previous years. Watching _that_ makes one loose their appetite rather quickly."

"I can imagine."

"Thank Goddess for my metabolism and pray that it never changes and I always have room for dessert."

He simply shook his hear incredulously as I continued to stuff myself full of food, sitting back in his chair and drinking more of his tea.

* * *

The night sky was lit only by the faint light of the stars, the moon barely a sliver in the sky. The night was peaceful and cool. From the rooftop of the astronomy tower with my broom under tucked between my knees as I crouched there. This was my thinking spot. I came up here when I needed time alone without interruption. When I was troubled or needed a break I took a broom ride in the dark night sky and inevitably ended up here.

I was sorely puzzled right now. My whole life I had hid behind the mask that my father insisted I wear. Malfoys did not feel any emotions other then hatred and disdain. We were above the rest of the wizarding world. The half-breeds and muggleborns that walked the halls of Hogwarts weren't fit to share the same air. OR so my father had told me over and over again for the larger part of my life.

With the innocent love and trust of a father whom I looked up to, I believed the trash that flowed from his mouth without question for most of my childhood. For my younger years he had been a good father, though he seldom had time for me. I was like a pet to him, and every once in a while he would come play with me to ensure my compliance and loyalty. And like an obedient little puppy, I followed unquestioningly.

Things changed after my first year at Hogwarts, My father learned of the dark lord's struggle to come back into power and he revealed his true inner nature. I finally saw the true man behind the mask. After that first year I learned why my mother cowered in corners when my father entered the room, and why she never spoke unless spoken too. I learned why my mother was so timid and meek in the presence of my father. After that first year, my eyes were opened to my father's abuse.

I had been playing outside and had then come into the house quietly, only to hear my mother's wrenching sobs and screams. I followed them to the foyer where my father was lashing my mother's back with his cane, and I saw the blood running down to ruin her gown. I stood there transfixed and horrified. This was the first time I had ever seen that kind of cruelty and it disgusted me.

I dropped my broom to the floor and screamed "Stop hurting her." My father heard me and stopped, slowly turning toward me every bit a predator. Mesmerized by my fear, I did not move and I stood there while he came towards me. There was anger in his eyes. I longed to run and hide where he could never find me, this man before me that I did not know terrified me.

"So boy", he had snarled, "you don't agree with my methods?"

"N-n-nooo." I stammered. "You, you s-sh-shouldn't hit mother."

His glare intensified. Slowly he bent down and looked me strait in the eyes. "You'll learn to like it Draco. But first you'll learn to never disagree with me."

His voice was like ice and my blood froze in my veins. In his fury, my father spun me around so that my back was to him and ripped my shirt open.

"Since you seem to think your pathetic whore of a mother should be spared then I shall just have to punish you for your insolence instead."

Then he beat me, lashing my back open until the blood ran freely down my back. My mother tried to stop him but he backhanded her across her face and she fell, hitting her head on the marble floor and loosing consciousness. I screamed. I cried. I begged for him to stop. Between lashes he repeated over and over again, like a mantra, "Never disagree with me, boy. Never."

I don't remember how I got from the foyer to my rooms, but I managed somehow. Much later in the day my mother had come up to my rooms with healing potions. One of the house elves had already seen to her wounds.

"My poor Draco, it is a harsh lesson that you have learned today. Keep your own counsel my son, and it won't be so bad. Never let your father know that you disagree with him and don't worry about me too much. I keep away from him and it isn't often that he manages to hit me. If you stay out of his way he'll vent his frustration out on something else. Keep out of his sight as much as possible when you're home and you'll be safe."

That day had opened my eyes, and I now no longer accepted everything my father had ever told me as the truth. I never let anyone know that I disagreed, taking my mother's warning to heart. I did not want her or I to suffer by letting others know that my beliefs differed from those of my father.

Now, my father dead, killed in the battles against Voldemort. I no longer had to pretend to be who I was not for my own sake. However it wasn't as simple as it seemed. I had a reputation at Hogwarts, and not a very good one at that. People had made their minds up on me and weren't going to reform their view of me all that easily and I wasn't quite sure I wanted them to. I was still the same person, but I no longer had a need to be cruel and arrogant the way that I had been.

A woman's soft laugh startled me and I peered down to the grounds where I saw two lone figures walking together closely in the darkness. Shocked, I recognized my uncle and Hermione walking together. I knew that they tolerated one another now because of their time together during the summer but I had no idea that they were truly friends.

Severus had always been a loner, seldom seeking the company of others. He had been a mentor to me all my life. It was him who had sought me out my third year at Hogwarts and spoke to me about my father. He helped me live with the things that my father had done and was doing. When he was sure that he could trust me, I was told about his history as a spy against Voldemort. But he never really let me into his world. There was affection, almost fatherly but still aloof. I could hardly imagine the man I knew having such easy camaraderie with Hermione Granger of all people.

I stared slack jawed as he stopped and put his cloak and then his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. Incredulously I watched as she leaned her head on him as they stood there staring out at the lake. Perhaps they were more then friends, even if they had not yet realized it themselves.

_Well, well, well isn't this an interesting turn of events._


	28. Chapter TwentyEight

****************

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"In with the early dawn  
moving right along  
I couldn't buy an eye of sleep  
and in the aching night  
under satellite  
I was not received  
with the stolen parts  
a telephone in my heart  
someone get me a priest  
to put my mind to bed  
this ringing in my head  
is this a cure is or is this a disease"

Show Me How to Live, By Audioslave

(A/N: heh, i had to change the song because i had already used the one i originally updated with in another chapter! Oops!)

**I groaned into my pillow as my alarm sounded, why** oh why did there have to be mornings? Couldn't it just skip strait into afternoon? Sleep fogged and annoyed, I gave up that particular dream and ambled off towards the shower. I might as well get moving. I didn't want to have to deal with a perky Ginny first thing in the morning until after I was a functioning human being. I swear that girl was positively frightening. She bounced out of bed each and every morning ready to go.

The shower cleared my head and relaxed me, leaving me refreshed and ready to face the new day. I pulled a deep burgundy peasant skirt covered with embroidery and black and burgundy corset styled top out of my drawers to wear. The form fitting top was actually quite comfortable and easy to slip on and off, but it looked like a real corset with lace down both sides and the middle of the back. It had burgundy panels behind the laces, and burgundy sleeves that also had lace with black panels behind them from shoulder to wrist. With an embroidered kerchief and a jet and garnet choker the outfit was complete. Studying myself in the mirror I realized that I looked like some sort of gypsy. Laughing, I decided to add silver and gold bangles to both of my wrists.

Today was the day we picked out our costumes for the Masquerade. I had absolutely no idea what style I wanted to go for. I wondered if Ginny had any ideas for her own costume. With visions of costumes floating through my head I headed out of my chambers and headed towards the Great Hall for breakfast. I met up with Ginny outside the Great Hall and we walked together towards the Gryffindor table. She didn't try to start a conversation with me yet, she knew better.

The first thing I did after I sat down was grab myself an English breakfast tea bag and a cup of hot water. I lived for tea. Together we piled warm, fresh, apple and cherry turnovers onto our plates. When I was done with the first cup and halfway through a turnover, I looked up at Ginny, who was sipping some mulled apple cider out of her own mug.

"So, did you have any ideas on what you wanted to wear for a costume?" I asked between bites. "I haven't a clue for my own, to be honest. There are plenty of ideas floating around in my head but none seem just right."

"Same here, I'm hoping that once we get to Hogsmede I'll be inspired by something. We can even look around in the high end stores and see what they have. Both of us are pretty good with transfiguration and charms, so all we need is a dress that's close to the basic style we'll wear and the rest can be done on our own."

"That's what I was thinking. We don't need to spend all sorts of money on a costume, but we will need a dress made from a good and sturdy material, because it needs to hold up to our alterations. It would also be nice if the dress we bought was the same material and color that we wanted our costumes to be so that we won't have to change the basic substance of the dress. It will last much better that way."

"That was exactly what I was thinking." Ginny replied smiling.

I didn't try to explain the other thoughts wandering through my head about molecules and particles because I did not want to explain physics to Ginny. Some of it I didn't fully understand myself since I didn't have a teacher to explain some points to me. I did keep up with what I would be learning in a muggle school by buying the textbooks for science and arithmetic each year. I was able to apply those two subjects to many of my classes in the Wizarding world such as potions and transfiguration. They were truly helpful with helping you understand the world around you as well as how magic worked in some ways. It often baffled me that wizards and witches knew nothing of the basic principles of what muggles were taught for this very reason.

By the time we were finished with breakfast most of the students had already secured themselves a carriage, and as a result Ginny and I were left without. Frowning, we looked at each other and resigned ourselves to walking. With a sigh, we turned started on our way. As we walked by the still stationary carriages I heard some one call out to me.

"Really Granger, I didn't think you'd be so daft as to wait for the last minute to get here." Draco drawled conceitedly pitching his voice so that it would carry over the crowd of students. "It's a good thing for you that I saved two extra seats that you and Ginny are welcome to so long as you will agree to a favor or two."

Turning around I saw him several carriages away and together Ginny and I started walking over to him. Students quieted down to hear us better. Easily I fell into the game we often amused ourselves with and spoke with an arrogance of my own. "Before I go and accept those seats that you've graciously offered us, Malfoy, I need to know what sort of favor you'll be asking for your charitable efforts on out behalf. After all, a girl's got to protect her virtue and I have no desire to play sacrificial lamb for you today or any time in the near future."

"I assure you my intent is not as nefarious as that. And Granger, you assume a status far above a common muggleborn such as yourself. What on earth would _I _want with _your _so called virtue? Honestly I just ate, and just the thought and my stomach threatens revolt, please torture me no more."

Ginny snickered beside me quietly while managing to appear outraged at his comments. We had begun to gather an audience. Heads poked out of carriages and those who were left walking turned to watch as well. Faces swiveled back and forth from Draco and then to myself as we exchanged insults to one another, waiting for a fight to break out and watching us vigilantly.

"Indeed Malfoy, you speak as if I don't know exactly what you want to do with my virtue. Remember, I know your secrets. But I wonder, if the thought of me is so revolting then why do you offer me a seat in your presence."

Draco opened the carriage door and held out a hand to help me up into the carriage. "Perhaps I am just that sort of guy, that such torture would excite me." He lowered his voice as he spoke to me, and I saw several of the surrounding girls lean even closer to listen intently. "Perhaps I like the fear and will be submissive to your every whim and dream of fulfilling your every pleasure. Perhaps that is the favor I ask of you, to be the dominant to my submissive."

I gave him the look, but only he could see it. He grinned shamelessly. He had a reputation as it was and didn't care what people thought of him. Giving myself a sexual reputation had not been on my agenda but I supposed my image was tarnished enough as it was simply from conversing with the Slytherins. "Then perhaps I am your girl, and we should discuss this more away from prying ears and eyes," I purred as I took his hand.

He pulled me into his body as I stepped up into the carriage, brining me fully against his body when I was knocked off balance. "Indeed, let's." He let me go then, allowing me to slide into the carriage but in such a manner that I had to slide my body across his to get past. He was much more polite with Ginny, not giving her the 'treatment.' Then he shut the door to the whispers of the other students.

As I leaned over to close the window as well I caught Severus watching us, and noted the amusement in his eyes. I fought the urge to blow him a kiss, knowing it would only entice the rumor mongers more. While my own reputation was tarnished and up for speculation, I did not want to chance tarnishing his reputation as a teacher. Before he turned away and went back to his duties I swear I saw him mouth one single word to me and I smiled. He had mouthed, "Exhibitionist", and I believed that thanks to Draco, he was right.

**The minute all of the doors and windows were closed I leaned over and kicked Draco soundly in the shin.** "That was for the stunt you pulled as you were 'helping' me into the carriage."

"You know you enjoyed it Hermione. Perhaps that was why you are punishing me; you know how much I enjoy being punished."

"Oh, please, don't you make me kick you again Draco."

"Draco, I do believe you've corrupted poor sweet innocent Hermione," drawled Blaise Zambini from the seat next to Draco as the carriage started moving.

"Now Blaise, I would love to take credit for the deed but I'm afraid that the work had already been done when I found her. I simply provided an outlet for her inner rebel."

"Inner rebel indeed, that's one way of putting it I suppose." I grumbled. "Although thanks to your little act today Hogwarts will believe you've found an outlet for my inner harlot as well."

"Oh don't sound so put out Hermione," Ginny said, speaking for the first time since we had entered the carriage. "You played right along. There were any number of opportunities where you could have turned the conversation so that it wouldn't sound like you were speaking in innuendos and you know it. Besides, that was quite a show you two put on. Did you see everyone's faces?"

I laughed, "Yea, this was great gossip fodder for all of them. I wonder what intriguing speculations they'll come up with regarding those 'favors' I'll owe you."

"Poor McGonagall looked like she was ready to rush to your rescue and save you from Draco's insults until you turned the conversation. One would have thought she would get whiplash from stopping so fast. Did you see the shock on her face? Priceless, Hermione, truly priceless," said Blaise.

"Professor Snape was watching too," I said. "I caught his eye when I was closing the window. He was definitely amused. I'm betting he enjoyed the effect our little show had on McGonagall."

"Ahh yes, Hermione, speaking of Snape," began Draco, "I saw a certain someone walking around the lake with him late last night. You wouldn't happen to know who that was would you?"

"Don't even start with me about such things Draco Malfoy. Professor Snape is a friend of mine and nothing more. You know he was the one who ended up keeping McGonagall off my back this summer while I was stuck here and we became friends then."

"Alright, I'll leave it be Hermione." He replied holding his hands up in front of himself defensively, but his eyes said we'll talk about this later.

We talked about the upcoming Masquerade and other prefect duties on the way to Hogsmede. Ginny had been oddly silent for most of our exchange previous to that, but as the conversation turned towards more mundane matters she became at ease and opened up. By the time the carriage stopped she was chatting amiably with both Blaise and Draco and all of her unease was erased. When the carriage stopped Draco made quite a show of being the gentleman.

"Oh come off it now Draco, I'm perfectly able to walk down the steps on my own two feet," I complained to him, but taking the offered hand regardless.

"I can not help myself my dear Hermione, your beauty blinds me and I find myself unable to withstand it."

"Prat," I laughed. "You're lucky I put up with you Draco Malfoy, though I have no idea why I bother."

"It's because you want me, don't deny it."

"Keep dreaming lover boy, keep dreaming."

"Then dream I shall." Draco said as he bent over my hand to place a kiss on it. Laughing I pulled my hand away before he succeeded, and he turned his attentions to Ginny.

"Mademoiselle," Draco greeted Ginny, who blushed furiously. She wasn't quite as quick to remove her hand as he bent to kiss he hand, and I noticed that his lips lingered a few moments longer then necessary. Well, and he was one to talk.

Draco turned as Blaise started leaving the carriage, and began to offer his hand to him as well, smirking all the while.

"Don't even think of it Draco, and don't you dare try it." Blaise said smiling.

"I don't want you to feel left out now Blaise," Draco answered.

"Trust me, I've had enough of a show that I don't feel left out at all. Let's get moving. I'm sure Ginny and Hermione have shopping to do and I highly doubt that you wish to be dragged along."

"Since I doubt that Hermione will allow me to sit in the dressing room while she changes, I believe you're right." Draco turned towards us. "Until we meet again, fair Maidens, I shall think of you every moment of your absence."

I sighed, stuck between wanting to smack him and wanting to laugh at him. He was hopeless. Turning to Ginny I said, "I do believe that means we shall have the pleasure of riding with them on the way back as well."

"There are worse things in the world."

"So says you. He never stops you know, sometimes its amusing as hell other times he just doesn't know when to give up."

"I disagree; he seems to know exactly how far he can push you, Hermione."

"He does now, Draco used to cross the line with me constantly until I made a fuss a few times."

"Now that I will believe without a doubt. Although it also makes me wonder what he is hiding with that act of his."

"We're all hiding something Ginny. Everyone has something to hide, and until he chooses to tell me I accept that."

"True, very true. Just like I'm hoping that someday you'll tell me what really happened over the summer that made you have to move in to Hogwarts."

"Touché. Perhaps Ginny, perhaps I will tell you. It's a painful memory and I'll share it when and if I'm ready, same as Draco. Same as you," I said giving her a pointed look that caused her to blanch.

"Agreed. Now let us go find ourselves a costume for this masquerade. I don't know about you but I want to feel like a goddess out on that dance floor."

**Several hours later, and dozens of shops later, we were sitting in The Three Broomsticks with a bottle of butterbeer** each and a package or two for each of us under the table. We both had what we came for, and we were both very satisfied.

"Really Hermione, I only said I wanted to feel like a goddess. I didn't expect you to take my words so much to heart." Ginny said.

"If you don't like my idea we can always return the parcel. You were the one who bought it not me, and I most certainly didn't force you."

"No, you're right the dress was perfect and it's a bloody brilliant idea. You were right, it's the exact right color and size and there will be very little actual alterations to do to it.

It worked out great for both of our dresses. Mostly, we will just be adding pieces from the scraps we bought. Those beads I found will do the trick for the rest as well. Everything else we'll be able to transfigure from things we can pick up anywhere."

"Yes, and if you can really transfigure those shoes from those four strips of leather we purchased I'll be amazed and eternally grateful." She said, looking down at my sketch again."

"I always deliver what I promise, Ginny."

"And deliver it well you do, my dear," said a very jovial Draco from behind my shoulder.

"Haven't you tarnished my image enough for one day Draco?" I groaned.

"Well I missed you too, luv," he replied without missing a beat, as he and Blaise sat down in the two remaining chairs at the table. I noticed that they each carried quite a few of their own bags as well.

"You have more bags then we do," Ginny said, pointing down to the piles at their feet."

"We were stocking up, what can I tell you," Draco said with a shrug. "And we had to pick out our costumes as well."

"I leaned over towards Ginny. "Don't let his nonchalance fool you, Ginny, He's more of a clothes horse then you and I combined. Not to mention the fact that he's as vain as a peacock."

"That hurts Hermione. You wound me with your words," he cried, putting his hand over his heart and leaning back as if fainting.

"Draco you are such a drama queen," Blaise murmured.

"You have to admit though, he's good at it," interjected Ginny.

"Too, true, I will admit to that much." laughed Blaise.

"Now tell me Blaise, are you as much of a Peacock as Draco here?"

"I have no qualms admitting that yes I have a fondness for clothes. Although I will add that it is hardly my fault. Being raised as I was, 'it is my duty to dress appropriately for my stature to ensure that all see me for what I am, a pureblood with a powerful and rich family," he droned, making it sound as if it were a lecture he had heard over and over again.

We laughed.

"Now tell me ladies what did you decide on for a costume for the masquerade?"

I looked at Ginny smirking. "I see no harm in showing them our purchases."

She laughed. "I agree, absolutely no harm in that."

Together we pulled out our purchases and laid them on the table before us, leaving Draco more and more puzzled with every moment that passed. The leather strips and the beads confused them the most. And when Ginny pulled out the very plain silk dress of vibrant green and I pulled out my dress of dark amethyst, Draco frowned and looked even more puzzled then before. Frankly I didn't blame him on that one though; both dresses looked like rectangles with puffy sleeves and were utterly shapeless and disgusting.

"We bought it all in the second hand racks; you wouldn't believe how much you can save there."

"Please tell me that is not what you are wearing to the masquerade." His expression was almost pained. He reached out and touched the fabrics. "It's soft, and high quality material but it's so old and drab, and… Please just tell me you won't be wearing this."

Blaise frowned as well. "Hermione if I didn't know that you obviously have something up your sleeve I would be equally disturbed as well. This dress is absolutely frightful. And what the hell are all these scarves for?"

"Ginny's costume is all decided and honestly I can't decide for myself yet so I bought plenty of odds and ends that I should be able to put something together with." I answered.

"Yes, but please tell me you won't be wearing this," Draco said gesturing disgustedly at the dresses before him.

"If I lie, I can tell you anything you wish, Draco." I said waving my eyelashes at him.

He groaned, and I saw a small eye twitch from Blaise. Ginny and I shared a look with one another.

"Oh please you two. It's not like we're going to wear it as it is. We are witches. We do have wands. You won't even be able to tell what it once was by the time we get through with all of this. Besides, it's not like we can afford our own brand new custom made gowns. And for the fabric that these two dresses are made out of we couldn't even afford to buy these gowns brand new. Its not like they haven't been cleaned either and their not stained."

"You wouldn't believe how much Madame Loretta's shop was charging for these dresses brand new! It was absolutely disgusting."

"No matter how much you transfigure that gown you still can't change the fact that somebody else wore it first, Hermione." Said Draco, still looking squeamish.

Ginny and I shared a look, and started laughing. Of all the ridiculous things, I couldn't believe that he was squeamish over such a thing! And here I had thought that it was simply because the dresses looked absolutely revolting. Sometimes, breeding and money showed through in the most interesting ways.

"Draco Malfoy's hidden fear: second hand clothes!" I managed to spit out between laughs.

Looking up at their faces, somehow I didn't believe that Blaise and Draco appreciated the joke.

* * *

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne

**Please Read and Review!**


	29. Chapter TwentyNine

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

"I'm here, ready to take it all here  
Everything's feeling unclear  
I wish it was raining  
Cause I hate every beautiful day

Faces in the crowd  
Fake smiles for miles  
My imitations wrong of them again  
Trapped inside this cheap hotel  
Bored as hell turing the channels 'round  
In my head  
In my bed"

Hate Every Beautiful Day by Sugarcult

Chapter Twenty-Nine

**I sighed with pleasure as I massaged the shampoo** into my thick red hair under the relaxing flow of water. It had been a long day, and although I had enjoyed myself, it had been an exhausting day as well. Hermione had been completely at ease around Draco and Blaise, but I had been tense and wary every moment they were around. It was true that they had been completely unthreatening and friendly with me, but I could not so easily dismiss the years of torturous ridicule.

Eventually I turned the water off, and reluctantly climbed out of the warmth of the shower. My muscles were as relaxed as they were going to get and I was clean as possible. Standing naked before the floor length mirror I cleared a single streak down with my hand so that I could see myself. I sighed regretfully and reluctantly admitted that I was plain. There was nothing to be done about it; there was just nothing overly special about me.

If I were something other then plain I would have been noticed far before now. To the world there was no Ginevra Weasley. As it was, the only identity I had was as 'just another one of the Weasley brood.' I had never been anything other then the youngest Weasley or that Weasley girl my entire life. Oftentimes I was overlooked and ignored by everyone. While that fact allowed me to hear the most interesting pieces of gossip, it had begun to aggravate me. Occasionally, though, I cultivated that ability and was able to sneak around quite well whenever I desired.

Frowning at myself, I looked at the tangled reflection of my hair and I was thankful once again that it had darkened into this deep auburn instead of remaining the obnoxious carrot color it had begun as. Over the last few years I had made the decision to grow out my hair and as of this moment it hung just past my elbows. I liked my hair longer because there was just so much more that I could do with it. It was just hair though, and I couldn't see anything special about it. I was plain.

There was nothing spectacular about my figure either. My Chest barely fit into a B cup, and my waist was trim for the most part. Albeit there was a bit of baby fat leftover but it wasn't anything I had ever worried about. I had nobody to impress and I knew that if I bothered to watch what I ate instead eating only heaping helpings of junk it would go away within a week or two. I was just another average girl with average build in an endless line of ordinary bodies.

The only feature of mine that I took any pride in whatsoever were my emerald green eyes. They were that perfect shade of green that was fairly rare. There was no hint of any other color in them, just pure green. Other then that I was nothing special. As I said, I was plain. My analysis complete, I wrapped myself in a big fluffy robe and muttered a drying charm on myself. Brimming with loneliness I made my way to the dormitories.

It had always been true that Hermione and I were fairly close, and had always been but it had never been a true friendship. It was more that we knew one another and occasionally retreated off together to do the girl thing while the boys annoyed us. We had never shared any deep dark secrets and what we had always been was more like acquaintances with sporadic sisterly tendencies.

To my way of thinking a friend knew you, knew every part of you and loved you despite the worst parts. Like your family was supposed to. But I had sensed that Hermione kept the darker parts of herself hidden, just as I knew in turn I kept my own inner walls high and impenetrable in return. We both had our wounds and we both preferred to lick them in private.

Part of me longed to be able to admit freely to Hermione all the things that troubled and haunted me. Deep inside I knew that keeping the pain locked up was eating me alive slowly and that one day I would eventually burst from the inner anguish. Part of me also longed for that true friendship so that I would no longer feel quite so alone anymore. I sensed that she too felt the same way, but neither of us had ever been able to truly breech our own walls so that we could share our pain.

I wanted to tell Hermione about the things that haunted me. I longed to share the burden with somebody else. I knew what Professor Snape had done because he bottled everything up inside, and I did not want to end up the same as him; he was lonely, bitter, and caustic old man. Not that I thought I would do something as drastic as joining the death eaters like he had, but I knew there were other ways to end up in the same self-destructive pattern that he had.

It worried me that somehow I could see that Draco was also locked into the same struggle that we all were. Was that why, despite everything, I was drawn to him? Was that why all the Slytherins seemed drawn to Hermione? It worried me that Hermione was on the same path that he was. The same path that we all seemed to have found our way too. Perhaps the sorting had had known something about what was to come when it insisted that I would be better off in Slytherin as well? Long ago I had identified that Hermione was a kindred spirit, and that although I had not shared my secrets with her, I knew unquestionably she would understand if I had chosen to. Perhaps that was the secret of Slytherin unity: knowing not to pry, and being able to understand one another through the darkness lurking in all of our pasts without passing judgment.

Idly, I wondered what it was that Hermione was hiding. I couldn't imagine what had happened over the summer that would cause her to change so much. Although I wasn't so certain that she had changed at all. It was more like the real Hermione had finally broken through and was no longer afraid to simply be herself. Still, I wondered what could have caused such a transformation in her. She seemed the type that would have a pristine past and a perfect family life, but I knew all too well that appearances were deceiving. All in all, my outlook of humanity and the world was rather cynical and jaded for somebody my age.

Most people could easily guess the reason for my pessimism. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. The whole school knew out about the incident my first year that ended up brining me almost to my death on the cold stone floor of the Chamber of Secrets. There were many speculations about what had occurred that night in the bowels of the school, but most of them didn't even come close to the true terror that I had confronted. Nobody truly grasped the full extent of what had been done to me, and I had declined to enlighten them.

I revealed only that I had written in the diary and been possessed by Tom Riddle when he unleashed the basilisk upon the halls of Hogwarts. They all accepted that minimal amount of information as all that had happened, classifying my unwillingness to speak of it as nothing more then shock. And it had been shock, but it had also been much more then that. It had also been shame. I had been well and thoroughly used by lord Voldemort, inside and out. To this day, dwelling on the memories of the experience made me shudder and gave me nightmares.

When I had become even more reclusive and introverted after the experience my family didn't notice. I had always been quiet and withdrawn, preferring the company of a sketchpad to my family. Quidditch I adored. However, other then the times my brothers had allowed me in on their games, which were few and far between, I kept to myself. I practiced flying alone, and often had wondered outside through the woods and fields surrounding the Burrow alone. It was not usual that I disappear for hours at a time and I took advantage of that fact.

Reaching my bed, I quietly drew the curtains and I climbed under the covers to snuggled into the warmth of my bed. I realized then that I had subconsciously identified Draco as a kindred soul as well. What haunting wounds did he hide behind his mask? Why was it that I wanted to see beneath the obvious and look at his very soul to see what kind of person he truly was beneath the skin? Questions filling my mind, I lay there in the dark for a long time before I finally fell asleep.

**Ginny eyed me speculatively as we walked back from breakfast Saturday **morning of the following weekend. She looked as if she had something I'd rather not know on her mind and was about to tell me anyway. I wondered if she knew how transparent she was. All through dinner she had been eyeing the Slytherin table covertly. Now, as we were walking through the halls to the empty classroom I had secured for us to design out costumes in she barely seemed to register her surroundings. How Ginny managed to keep pace with me seemed to be nothing more then luck and amazing self preservation skills.

When we arrived in the rooms I immediately opened up our bags and placed every object out on the floor so I could see every piece I had to work with. When I whispered the charm that I had learned for just this occasion, both dresses lifted up into the air as if on a mannequin. What I saw made me want to laugh because as they were both dresses were absolutely shapeless.

I turned and looked at Ginny. "I hate to imagine that these dresses had been worn before. Even more disturbing if the idea of what kind of women actually wanted them and how they looked."

She grimaced. "I don't even want to go there Hermione, not today, not ever, and especially not after lunch."

We laughed. "All right let's get down to business, I assume you brought your sketch pad?" she nodded. "Well then, let's get this party moving and fix these dresses up."

Several hours later, and after a lunch served via house-elf, Ginny and I turned to study our creations. Ginny's emerald green dress, now the exact color of her eyes, was fashioned in a Grecian style. The top was a loose halter design that came down her neck in an oval shape, wrapping her chest completely and then continued to the back. From under that fitted top, the fabric clung down to her hips where a stiff fitted sash of a darker green hung. It wrapped her going upward, where on her left above her waist it tied and then hung in two long shimmering pieces to the floor. The skirt fell in ripples down the floor revealing the mid-thigh to floor slits in both sides when she moved.

To decorate the dress we had also designed rings of fabric in the same deep green as the sash to encircle both arms at the wrist, above and below the elbow, and mid bicep. Each strip of fabric had a golden ring in it that allowed a sheer scarf to slip through and fan out in an arc from ring to ring. I had also taken some of our beads to create golden medallions for the shoulders of her dress. Then I had made bangles to embellish the scarf at her hip as well that jingled softly like soft, almost indiscernible, wind chimes as she walked.

For jewelry she had only a choker that appeared to be made of a solid inch of gold around her neck with gold chains creating an upside-down pyramid of layers that had glistening emeralds and diamonds embedded in the chains emeralds. At the tip of the pyramid was a large diamond-shaped emerald with a length, top to bottom, of one inch encased in solid gold. On its own the choker seemed gaudy and fake, but somehow, with this dress, and with Ginny wearing it, it looked perfect.

The finishing touch on the costume was a pair of black feather wings charmed to appear solid with a black feathered mask to hide her identity. We weren't sure exactly what Goddess she was, but had decided that the night of the party we would possibly charm a golden sword sheath to appear hidden within the folds of the scarf at her waist this identifying her as Nemesis or perhaps Thetis.

My costume was a bit more whimsical in nature. The top was off the shoulders with a square neckline that showed no cleavage. I had fashioned a bodice that looked like it was made of leaves that laced together across my chest. From the waist of the bodice hung four sheer green scarves shaped like leaves using the scarves we had still had leftover. At the waist the skirt of the dress puffed out in to a big fill skirt that I had run through with deep plum veins to give the faint appearance of five separate flower petals starting at the waist. I had altered the coloring of the dress so that it was framed with a deeper purple that was almost plum to look like flower petals. I had also added two sheer green leaf-like scarves each side of the off the shoulder straps on my arms, one on each side.

The leaves of my dress were covered with 'dew drops' made of luminescent pearls I made from the beads we had as well. I had dozens of them on the bodice and within the folds of my skirt. And though I doubted it would be seen because of the way my skirt fell, I also had a slit on one side of my skirt from thigh to floor. To go across the top of my bodice I had designed crisp plum colored flowers with deep green leaves as well. I designed my mask to look like it was made of leaves. The final touch of my gown had been gossamer fairy wings that were charmed to the dress.

From the leather strips that we purchased I formed open toed sandals that I had often seen at renaissance fairies in the muggle world. They laced up starting from the toe, then to where the shoe ended and around the ankle. We had both decided that we would lace both of ours up to just below our knees as well. Finally satisfied, Ginny and I carefully took our creations down and gingerly boxed them up until the Masquerade.

Grinning I turned to Ginny as I picked up the rest of our supplies. "This is going to be great, now all we have left to do is figure out what to do with our hair."

She laughed and smiled, "I can't wait to see people's reactions when they see us in these."

"Neither can I, this is going to be great. Did you hear that they changed the age requirement to attend the Masque? The headmaster said…"

**I could barely contain my disdain while I sat in the corner of the room in the **lounge chair waiting for the rest of the staff to arrive for the impromptu meeting that the headmaster had called. I found these meetings absolutely appalling. The last meeting Minerva had angrily insisted that I had somehow corrupted Hermione and that I was to blame for her change of wardrobe as well as her change of habits. The deranged woman had refused to listen to reason and had disregarded the facts when I had calmly pointed them out to her. After all, I had barely spoken more then a handful of words to her before Minerva had taken her out shopping.

Slowly, everyone trickled into the room taking up their customary seats throughout the room. The last to arrive was Albus, and as soon as I saw him I knew that I would not like the announcement he was to make. He had that godforsaken twinkle in his eye that threatened to send me to an early grave. When he winked at me over his half moon spectacles my dread was confirmed and my annoyance was peaked. That barmy old codger knew I wasn't going to like whatever he planned to announce, and he found it amusing.

I found myself thinking that it was lucky I was found of the old man; else the impulse to kill him slowly and painfully would possibly become overwhelming. Inside I laughed as the thought flickered through my mind, outwardly my scowl deepened. Sometimes I wondered why I continued to be a Professor here at the school, especially when I had to deal with moments such as these. A moment later Dumbledore lifted his hand and slowly the chatter quieted down and all eyes were turned to Albus.

"Thank-you all for coming to this meeting on such short notice" he began. "I just spoke to a friend of mine within the ministry and was informed that should I choose to accept the honor, I had been graced with an opportunity that was, as he put it, 'too good to be true.' I have though the matter over, and while I disagree that it is the opportunity he thought it to be, I have accepted the offer.

"This year we at Hogwarts will be hosting members of the ministry as well as several high standing members of the Wizarding community as quests at our Halloween Ball. I already informed the Head Girl and Head Boy earlier this week before it was announced to students to decrease student attendance to just the sixth and seventh year students. All members of the staff shall be required to attend. I must remind you that it is a masquerade and I shall expect you to come suitably attired to this event."

"Oh, Albus this is wonderful." Preened Sinestra.

"Just what we need, high–minded fools mucking about the school making me clean up more of their messes as well." Grumbled Filch.

Well, at least Argus and I were on the same side, although for different reasons. "Whose bloody brilliant idea was this anyway, Albus?"

"Ludo Bagman's I believe, Severus." He replied without stopping to think about it.

I suppressed the urge to groan. Just bloody wonderful, if that lout Bagman had concocted this scheme then we were all doomed. There was no hope left for any of us. Even though I knew I was being melodramatic I couldn't help myself. These events seemed to have that effect on me.

I tuned out the rest of the announcements. He had mentioned that we be suitably attired for a masquerade. He couldn't possibly mean that he expected us to all be wearing masques did he? However, I knew that simply wearing dress attire would be sufficient. Most of the high society men would not be wearing masques, and many of the ladies would probably decline to as well. Each and every woman wanted to show off their fortunes and their good taste in their clothes. Goddess forbid they be mistaken for somebody else, that would be a catastrophe in their eyes. Therefore, if the ladies from the ministry wore masks as all they would be nothing more then token masks.

"Severus," Albus said as I was leaving the room, "You don't seem as pleased with the news as I had hoped."

"You know very well how I feel about this sort of thing Albus," I snarled.

""Come now Severus, you need to get out of those musty dungeons and enjoy yourself once and a while. You're going to be an old man before your time if you continue to hide away down there."

"You're loosing your touch old man," I drawled. "Last time you attempted to drag me from my so called shell you at least attempted to convince me that I would be attending a lecture instead of the social event of the season."

"Severus, I would never lie to you," he said, falsely aghast. "After all, they did talk about potions during the evening did they not?"

I groaned. Yes they had indeed talked about potions. The event in question had been a celebration for the release of a new perfume potion by some high end fashion company in England. I spent my night listening to idiotic women simpering about all sorts of brew at home perfumes they had tried that were absolute failures. I had ended the night as early as I could manage to escape, which was still long past midnight. It had taken me several days to recover from the headache that resulted from that evening.

"If I didn't know any better I would think you took a certain amount of perverse pleasure in tormenting me."

"I would never Severus, how could you possibly accuse me of such a thing?"

I left the conversation at that and walked from the room, cloak billowing perfectly behind me. I had to attend a masquerade, me! Not just as a student chaperone, but as a participant in costume as well. Could this day get any worse?

Woe to the students that crossed my path today, I was not in a mood to be forgiving.

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	30. Chapter Thirty

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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Chapter Thirty

* * *

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.  
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.  
Shards of me,  
To sharp to put back together.  
To small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her,  
And I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more

Breathe no More, by Evanescense

* * *

Walking through the corridors aimlessly, I found myself contemplating a certain redhead girl that had attracted my interest as of late. What a family scandal that would create, I thought happily. Narcissa would have vapors at the very thought. Ginny and her family, although from a ancient and powerful pureblood line, were lower class in wizarding society, and therefore far below the status and prestige due to a Malfoy.

After a few more days with Hermione, Ginny had lost all of her reserve when it came to dealing with me or any of the other Slytherins. She was no longer a quiet meek little mouse who hid. Ginny was more of a tigress, and had as much cunning as any Slytherin could ever hope to have. It suited her well. In fact, I had been surprised by how much spunk she possessed. That temper… Ginevra Weasley had grown up with seven older brothers, and it showed. She knew how to hold her own, and she was very good at it.

Snickering, I thought back to earlier that week, and wondered if Theodore Nott would be able to sit comfortably any time soon. He had deserved it Ginny's revenge after grabbing her from behind and lecherously pinching her ass. She had flipped him over her shoulders, with an impressive little trick he would like to learn, and Theodore had landed on his back in a surprised heap at her feet. As soon as Ginny had seen who it was she had kicked him soundly in the ass, catching his tailbone with her foot making a decent bruise. Nott would definitely not be trying anything like that again, and the rest of Slytherin would think twice before challenging her as well.

Finding myself outside, I headed towards the quidditch fields. It would be a good time to go for ride. The temperature of the air was almost perfect for a comfortable. Arriving, I saw that there was another broom in the air and caught a glimpse of long red hair flying in the wind. Grinning, I summoned my broom, wondering briefly if the window had been left open. Blaise wouldn't be pleased if he had broken their window yet again. Effortlessly, I caught it as it zoomed to his side.

I mounted the broom and flew up in the air. For a moment I forgot everything except the thrill of being up in the air and on a broom. This was freedom. This feeling was what made flying so magnificent. Without the release of my inhibitions that flying had always brought me I would have gone mad years before. My father had been a capable flyer, but never more then that. When on a broom I was in a world that he could not touch. Flying was something that had been mine and mine alone, though he did his best to interfere with where and when I was able to fly as much as possible. Still, all growing up and even now that he was gone, once I was on a broom I was beyond his control.

As I neared her, I caught her eye and pointed towards the air over the forbidden forest. Together we flew in silence, simply enjoying the thrill of being on a broom. I wondered if she felt the same way that I did about flying. Glancing at her and seeing the abandon joy upon her face, I assumed that she did. Smiling we continued on simply enjoying each other's company.

* * *

"**You have most definitely** lost the last of your questionable sanity if you think that I will wear that absolutely impossible outfit Albus." I growled in complete and utter disgust.

"Severus, my dear boy, I assure you that while questionable, my sanity is still in tact. I was merely suggesting an appropriate alternative to your somber attire for the Masque that will be this weekend. After all you wear the same things day after day. One finds themselves wondering if you have no other clothing in your closet. As I pointed out, this is going to be a masquerade, and it is going to be quite an affair. I know you do not care what others think of you but I would appreciate it if you would attempt to dress for the occasion." he replied with complete calm.

I stared at the costume in question unable to hide my complete and utter disgust. It was absolutely ghastly, and the thought of actually wearing it made me quite ill. The entire outfit was covered in frills, and it looked like one of those muggle Spanish dance costumes. The top was a bright vivid green with a deep v-neckline that came down to the bottom of my ribcage, again lined with those vile frills. Sleeves made of layer upon layer of frills finished the top.

The pants were another appalling creation, no doubt first designed by a woman to make some man in her life miserable. They were skintight in all areas and they were vinyl or leather; I could not tell for sure which without closer inspection and I had absolutely no intentions to get any close to them. The finishing touches on this torture device were heeled books that slid up over the pant legs to just below the knee cap. I couldn't help but shudder in horror at the thought of actually donning that ridiculous costume.

"If I must dress for the masque I will find some other costume that I can stomach looking at Albus."

"Is it really that distasteful? I was thinking of wearing something similar myself."

The graying headmaster turned, to my horror, to look at the costume in feigned fascination. Or at least I hoped it was feigned. This time, at least, I was able to suppress the shudder at the thought of the headmaster wearing something like _that_.

"Albus I have no doubt whatsoever that you picked out that costume just so that you could convince me to find something on my own to wear to the masquerade knowing full well how completely and utterly despicable I would find it."

"Severus," he said, placing his hand to his chest and looking insulted, "I would not do any such thing to you, would I?"

I choose not to answer and once again utilized my ever famous glare. It was safer that way for all parties concerned.

"Very well then Severus I see that your mind is made up. I do however look forward to seeing your costume that you yourself picked out at the Masque."

"I will do my best to be presentable by your standards, _Headmaster._" I replied caustically.

Of all the foolish things for that man to come up with, this had to be one of the worst I had ever heard. Although, if I thought about it long and hard enough I was sure I could remember worse…

"Now, let us move on to more important business. How has Hermione been doing?"

"Although I'm sure that she is repressing some emotions, she seems to be doing better. I think that she is also doing Mr. Malfoy and Miss Weasley some good as well. I had mentioned to you previously that I had worried about my godson's ability to move on from the world he grew up in and make his life his own. I was surprised to see that he had made the attempt to be friendly with Hermione of all people, but they get along quite well together."

"Yes, Minerva has been complaining to me about Miss Granger's choice in companions. The Slytherins are surprisingly accepting of her." Albus remarked, with that annoying twinkle in his eye.

"Yes, I've noticed that for all her talk about inter-house unity and cooperation she is awfully prejudiced." I said dryly. "I'm not surprised that Hermione has come to an understanding with them. Most of the students in my house have had hard lives, and that shows in the way they hold themselves. People who have been through what the Slytherins have seem to be able to subconsciously identify one another, and, as long as they are not threatened by that person, become at least companionable with each other. Hermione also seems to have that perverted humor that allows them to shock the rest of the student population."

"Indeed. Such as how Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy are seeming to get into 'vicious arguments' on a regular basis or act 'like dogs in heat' as it was put to me on several occasions by one of our esteemed colleagues."

For some reason I became very irritated by the remark that Draco and Hermione could possibly have had any contact that was sexual in nature. I felt myself heat up in anger, and realized I was jealous, but I wasn't sure what. Uncomfortable, I shifted my positions in the chair. Clearing my throat I continued the conversation.

"It's all a game, Albus. You do have to admit, it is amusing to see how the students constantly react to their antics."

"Yes, I can't wait to see what develops next in this little tale. That's all we need to talk about for now, Severus. I'll continue fending off Minerva for you, but sooner or later, with the way things are going, there is going to be a confrontation between her and you. Just be aware, and do try not to do anything you'll regret later if she pushes your buttons."

"I'll do my best not to, Headmaster."

As I exited the room I thought, _Yes, although it may be quite enjoyable I do suppose that splattering the woman's brains on the wall or ripping out her voice box permanently would be something I would regret later. It sounds like such a good idea though…_ I sighed and continued on my way to my classroom. Second year potions students were waiting. Idiotic students that insisted on trying to blow up my classroom and senile old busybodies who loved to interfere. Wasn't my life such a joy?

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********Hope you like the chapter though! Please Read and Review. **********


	31. Chapter ThirtyOne

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter Thirty-One

* * *

"Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
but no one hears you screaming

Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desparate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and their stupid lies  
Well deep inside you're bleeding"

Welcome to My Life, Simple Plan

* * *

I stared at the muggle high-school science book in front of me. Harry and Ron had laughed at me when they had seen my. I was a witch now, they had said, why on earth did I bother with that dung? _Well, if only they could see me now_, I thought with smug satisfaction. If I didn't have this muggle science book I wouldn't be able to understand how to work most of this natural magic.

With natural magic you had to understand the way that nature worked in order to manipulate it. In order to change weather, you needed to know how weather changed and formed. It was painfully obvious why many wizards had a hard time with weather spells. Being able to conjure tornadoes, hurricanes, and even basic storms was considered extremely powerful magic that drained the caster. Most wizards were only able to create illusions of weather, having to use other spells to make them seam realistic. It was much the same with calling fire or any of the other elements. You had to understand the nature of the element before you could control it.

But for now I had other things on my mind. I closed the textbooks and sat up from where I was sprawled on the couch and put them away in my bookcase. It was time to get ready for the Masquerade. Ginny and I intended to paper ourselves shamelessly beforehand. I heard the staircase opening and turned to see her arriving just in time.

"Come on, it's time to go be girly," I grinned with a laugh.

"I have the cosmetics. Did you get the bath oils?" Ginny asked as we walked towards my bathroom.

"I made them up myself from some potions ingredients that I convinced Sev-, uhh Professor Snape, to let me borrow."

While we talked I played with the levers on my tub making it so that we could have a nice and luxurious bubble bath. As an afterthought I added a charm to the water so that it would massage our bodies much in the same was a masseuse would. We stripped down to our bathing suits and climbed into the tub. After a few luxurious moments of soaking up the heat we began talking again.

She gave me a quizzical look. "I still can't quite believe that you and Snape are friends. I can't see him as anything other then the waspish professor."

"Severus truthfully isn't any worse then Draco, Ginny," I gave her an impish smile. "and you seem to be getting to know Draco very well."

Draco and Snape are nothing alike," Ginny said hotly, blushing to the roots of her hair. "Draco was not a death eater and never murdered innocents for his own pleasure."

"Not yet he wasn't Ginny," I said defensively, "but do you think that Lucious would have allowed otherwise had we not defeated Voldemort and put that sadistic bastard in his grave?"

"But…"

"Ginny you know full well that given time Draco would have most likely given in to his father's wishes despite what he may or may not have wanted. At best he would have become like Severus, at worst he would have become like Bellatrix or his father."

"You're right I suppose," she said grouchily. "You didn't have to get so defensive about it. One might think you had a thing for Snape."

"No more then you do for Draco." I said angrily.

Ginny blushed in response. I put my hand up over my mouth to hide my surprise and grinned. "I knew it, you do like Draco.

"I knew it. I saw the two of you sitting on a bench rather close together on the quidditch field."

"I… uh… You don't have a problem with that do you Hermione?"

"Me? Why would I have a problem with that? You two would be good together."

"I just wanted to make sure that you didn't have a thing for him. I didn't want to step on your toes."

"Even if I did have a thing for him Ginny, it's obvious that he likes you and I would be wasting my time."

"You really think so?" she asked quietly.

"Would I have said so if I didn't?"

"Good point." She was silent for a few moments. "You do seem very close to Professor Snape."

"I think he's truthfully the best friend I have ever had. I can't say why Ginny, but I think I trust him completely, and I'm not on guard with him in even the least bit. I can tell him things I would hide from other people because I know he'll understand because he's been there. I meant it when I said he was a good man Ginny, he was there for me when I didn't have anyone else."

"You like him Hermione."

"Well, duh, didn't I just say that?"

"No, Hermione, I mean you _like_ him. Your voice went all soft and you got that faraway look in your eyes."

I wanted to deny it, but when I started to I realized that perhaps it was true. My eyes went wide and I gasped, almost going under the water in surprise. I looked at Ginny and she just gave me a knowing smile.

"Goddess, Ginny, what am I going to do?"

"Just let things go as they will, the only thing that has changed is that now you realize what you're feeling."

"Easy to say, harder to do." I snorted.

Several hours later we were both in our costumes, and we stood examining ourselves in the mirror. I had styled my hair into soft ringlets that flowed down my back, charming some beads in it to look like pearls. As a last minute decision I had changed the color of my hair to more of a deep chestnut color so that I would be less easily recognized. I made myself flower earrings looking like they were made of amethysts and emeralds.

Ginny had pulled her hair into a half up, and in the elastic holding up her hair she made a fan of black feathers around it giving her what looked almost like a crown. In those feathers she placed more beads charmed to look like emeralds. From her ears hung two feathers charmed to look like they were covered with black diamonds.

"Where did you get those, Ginny?"

"I told Draco enough about my costume so that he could give me something he could try to recognize from," she replied blushing fiercely.

"As if your hair wasn't enough Ginny!" I laughed.

"Well, it might be, but don't forget there are people form the ministry coming tonight. I might not be the only one there with long red hair."

"True," I said with a shrug. "This is going to be great. Let's head downstairs."

* * *

I stood off to the side of the room sullenly, watching the groups entering the great hall. I hated this sort of thing, and when I had a choice I avoided social functions at all costs. Thanks to Dumbledore I had no choice in the matter, and I had to come in costume as well.

Despite my protestations to Dumbledore I had actually enjoyed putting together a costume more then I had expected to. I had donned an emerald green satin tunic with billowing sleeves, and a pair of black bracers with snakes embossed in the leather. My pants were black and billowing as well, and knee high black leather boots that gathered the pants together. I had even donned a black pirate's hat with feathers of various shades of green in the bend. To top it all off I had a hoop earring in one ear. All in all, I felt rather foolish, and was glad for the black mask that hid my face from view.

To my horror, I was getting admiring looks from many of the ladies that passed me by. Unfortunately, on my way towards the Great Hall from my dungeons Dumbledore had approached me and forbade that I hide myself in a corner for the entire evening. I had even had several bold women approach me asking for a dance. I may have enjoyed picking out the costume, but I still did not want to be here any more then before. I abhorred social functions.

I looked up to watch the staircase once more. For the most part everyone except the students were in plain costumes, and the ladies seemed to wear mostly Elizabethan gowns that weren't much different from the gowns they wore at normal functions. They had absolutely no imagination.

I turned back to watch the students as they entered the room from the staircase. Many of the costumes were plain and to be expected. Very few were out of the ordinary or showing any amount of originality. Draco entered wearing the costume of a pirate, complete with a stuffed parrot on his shoulder looking rather ridiculous and yet somehow maintaining his dignity. Beside him was Zambini wearing a vampire costume. Neither of those boys wore masks.

When the next two women entered the Great Hall, I was left momentarily stunned by the sheer beauty of their costumes. Perhaps it was the lack of originality of the other guests, or perhaps it was the way that they seemed to glow. (Actually, a few minutes later I noticed that they had charmed a shimmering powder to their skins and that they were indeed glowing slightly as a result of that.) I knew without a doubt who these two students were because of the amount of magic that had gone into those costumes.

The illusionary wings that were charmed to each girl's costumes were no simple feat, for both wings moved as they moved and caused realistic reactions to that movement. Hermione's wings claimed an ethereal beauty, while Miss Weasley's, identified by her hair and from being with Hermione, black angelic wings were formidable and more befitting of her angelic warrior costume. They both looked like goddesses.

I was surprised to see the same awe in my face mirrored in Draco's as he took Ginny's arm and accompanied her to the dance floor, I smirked at the irony of the pairing. It was obvious that the pair tentatively cared for one another and it would be interesting to see which way the winds blew them. I couldn't wait to see the public reaction concerning the pairing, after all Draco was the heir to the Malfoy fortune and title, and Miss Weasley was nothing in society's eyes. I hoped for their sake that they were not in the Hall when the time came for the unmasking.

When Blaise took Hermione's arm I was dismayed to find myself feeling jealous at the innocent touch. Yes, I was finally able to admit, at least to myself, that I had feelings for Hermione that ran deeper then mere friendship. Somehow that woman had found a way through all my walls and found a place in my heart. It would never come to anything however; I would see to that. It was no wonder that both women drew admiring glances and envious glares from the entire room, I could not blame them one bit. Somehow, without conscious thought or action, I found myself standing in front of Hermione blocking her and Zambini's path.

"Zambini I will escort this lady tonight, I doubt you'll have any problem's replacing her." I said dryly, remembering to alter my voice with a spell only just in time.

"I have my eyes set on a beautiful flower already, Sir." he replied, grinning roguishly, after looking askance at Hermione.

I watched him walk over to Draco and Ginny and tell them something. Both turned and looked to where we were standing, no surprise on either of their faces as they waved for us to come over. As Hermione accepted my offered arm I turned back to see her face. She had that look on her face and I could see that she was trying to puzzle out my identity. Hoping to distract her, I lead her out onto the dance floor instead of over to where her friends were waiting.

Just for tonight I didn't want her to guess who I was, I wanted to be free of the restraints that bound me and enjoy my night pretending I had a chance at something more…

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**Read and Review Please!!!**

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Author's Note:

Merry Samhain, although a bit late.

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne

P.S. Do _you_ ever contemplate the many uses of rusty sporks? Does that make me weird/creepy? lol


	32. Chapter ThirtyTwo

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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Chapter Thirty Two

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"What I choose to do is of no concern to you and your friends  
Where I lay my hat may not be my home, but I will last on my own  
'Cause it's me, and my life. It's my life

Oh the world has sat in the palm of your hand not that you'd see  
and I'm tired and bored of waiting for you and all those things you never do  
'Cause it's me, and my life. It's my life"

It's My Life, by Dido

* * *

"Zambini, I will escort this lady tonight, I doubt you'll have any problem's replacing her."

"I have my eyes set on a beautiful flower already, sir." he replied, grinning roguishly, after looking askance at Hermione.

"Go on Blaise, if you don't end up dancing with every woman here this evening I know it won't be for lack of trying."

"Ahh, you know me all too well," he said with a grin. "Besides," he said, calling back over his shoulder, "why choose just one when you can have them all?"

Laughing, I looked at the man before me and smiled. "I suppose that until you tire of my company I am free."

"Then I am the luckiest man in the room to have such a beautiful faerie as you by my side."

"Flatterer."

He took my arm and walked me not to where Ginny and Draco were, but instead towards the dance floor. Turning towards me on the edge of it, he asked, "Would you care to dance, my faerie?"

"I would love to."

I have always enjoyed dancing of all types, and the summer of my third year at Hogwarts my parents had paid for several sets of dancing lessons. I had learned ballroom dancing as well as several faster paced dances like the tango. My instructors had been impressed with my natural affinity for dancing and had praised me, but I hadn't practiced in a long time. Before that moment, if asked, I would have said that I was a very good dancer. Now, with my partner leading me, I realized that in truth I was barely adequate.

The dance floor spun beneath my feet as he led me through the steps with flawless grace and talent. He did not ask me any questions, he simply smiled and focused his attention to the dance, and I was forced to do the same. I had never danced with anyone who was as natural a dancer and it was breathtaking. I felt as clumsy and as graceless cow with him beside me.

"You're doing fine," he whispered in my ear. "I've just had far more practice then you have."

"I feel like a cow."

"I repeat you're doing just fine. If you'll notice, we're even attracting envious glances."

Surprised I looked about me and realized that he was right. Men and women were all looking at us jealously. "But why…"

He laughed. "You may feel like a cow, but with your costume and your ability to follow my lead without pausing to think about it is letting you dance better then half the women in the ministry could dream of. You're a beautiful dancer, my faerie, all you lack is practice."

I blushed and turned my face away from his, although I still sensed his gentle laughter. The song changed, and he pulled me closer against him for a slower dance. Smiling I leaned my head on his shoulder and put my mind to trying to figure out who my mystery man could be.

He had set off an immediate reaction the moment he approached Blaise and I, but I could not place him. The voice seemed wrong, and it conflicted with the image my mind was trying to put together. I guessed that he had probably used a charm to change it so that he would not be easily recognized. The answer was floating in the back of my mind, but I could not put the final piece together.

Finally I gave up and allowed myself to sink into the dance and simply enjoy myself. For tonight I wasn't Hermione. I was the Princess in my own personal (the pun was inevitable) faerie tale. I was free to be myself without actually being me at the same time. It was invigorating to have that freedom and I resolved to simply enjoy myself this evening.

"They make a good couple," he said quietly in my ear.

I turned to where he was watching and saw Draco and Ginny dancing near us on the floor completely absorbed with one another.

"Yes, they do. I only know that they know what they are doing and that tonight won't blow up in their faces too badly when they unmask."

"Ahh, I take it that Mr. Malfoy has chosen a young lady who will not be approved of by his family."

"Nor would her family approve of the match."

"Bad blood between them?"

"That's putting it rather mildly."

A few dances later I caught Ginny's eye and we all walked towards the tables to get ourselves some food. Ginny and I linked arms and walked a little behind the boys so that they could get a table for all of us and talk.

"Harry and Ron stick out like sore thumbs," Ginny said.

"Yes, as if those quidditch robes really leave much to the imagination." I said.

She snorted. "Any ideas on who your masked man is?"

"A few, but none that are solid yet. It will come to me. Are you enjoying your evening?"

"Yes, but I'm nervous about the unmasking."

"Harry and Ron will flip."

"That is putting it mildly," she said dryly.

"Are you two done with your twittering over there?" Draco interrupted.

"It's very likely that they are talking about us, so I would be careful of how you spoke about their 'twittering." drawled my partner dryly.

"Yes," Blaise added, "when the hens get together there is no doubt that they spend their time comparing their cocks to one another."

"Blaise!" Ginny and I said in unison, the innuendo obvious.

"What," he smirked, feigning innocence. "Cock is just another word for rooster, you didn't know that?"

"Don't you try to fool me, I'm on to you." I replied.

He just grinned.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore stood at the front of the Great Hall watching his students and ministry people mingle and dance with a smile on his face.

"Have you figured out who Hermione is Minerva," he asked to the woman beside him.

"Of course I have. She's that faerie dancing with that man over there. No other student could have pulled off those charms except for perhaps Miss Weasley and since they entered together that ended that question."

"They both seem to be enjoying themselves. I think that they make a lovely couple," Albus said, with a twinkle in his eyes. "As does Miss Granger and her partner, don't you agree?"

"They're both making a disgrace of themselves," she huffed indignantly. "They're dancing much too closely and I don't know what Miss Weasley is trying to pull dancing with young Mr. Malfoy. She can do much better then that disgraceful boy."

Dumbledore wisely did not reply to that statement. Instead he said, "Have you spotted Severus yet? I convinced him to come in costume this year."

"Severus, in a costume? I don't believe it! What did he come as Albus? Have _you _spotted him yet?"

"Oh, I've got an inkling of who he is, but I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise now. After all, half the fun is in not knowing."

"Of course _you_ think so, after all you've already figured it out." Minerva answered with a huff, crossing her arms.

And Hogwart's Headmaster just smiled serenely and looked once more at the two couples on the floor. Hopefully, if Severus was as intelligent as he thought he was, the man would know a good thing when he saw it. Albus smiled at himself and shook his head. Imagine_, me, a matchmaker at my age. Oh the irony…_he thought.

* * *

Once dinner was over we talked for a while, but eventually we ended up back on the dance floor. There was a slow song playing and I was snuggled closely against my partner's body as we spun around the room, my head on his shoulder. I was content in every way, for I had finally discovered the identity of my mystery man only he didn't know it yet. I just needed to make him admit it.

"Do I get any hints as to who you are? After all it is rather unfair since you already know who I am."

He had called me by name during dinner and revealed that he knew me the moment he asked to escort me. I had decided his identity from the dry and mocking tone that his humor took. Once I recognized his sense of humor, I wondered how I hadn't figured it out before. After all, one could hardly forget Severus Snape's sharp nose.

"You may try to guess, but I will give you no answers," he replied with a smirk.

"Well I already know that you are not a student at Hogwarts and that you are using a spell to disguise your voice, am I at least right on that?"

"I should have known that you of all people would have noticed the spell," he said scowled.

"And your comments tell me that you and I know one another in some way." I said smiling, amused with his scowling at my determination to be sure of who he was.

"I know a few older dances," he said whispering in my ear as he pulled me closer. "Would you care to try them? I'll coach you as we go; they're very easy to follow."

"If you think that I could manage, I'd be glad to. I love dancing." I leaned my head onto his shoulder and allowed him to lead me through the dances. "But you haven't distracted me from unmasking you."

He stiffened, almost loosing his rhythm. "Please, Hermione, don't give me a name, let's just enjoy the night as it is. I'd rather not be myself today."

"Alright, if you insist. I don't want to ruin the evening." After all if he was who I thought he was, then we had no right to be dancing together in this way. His arms felt good around me, and I wasn't looking forward to midnight.

After a few more dances, Severus led me from the dance floor and out into the hall where it overlooked the courtyard. He had his arm around my waist, pulling me up against his side, and as we stopped in front of the railing I laid my head on his shoulder and reached for his free hand with mine. I sighed happily, and curled in closer to him.

There were other couples, in other places who had the same idea as us and were walking in the courtyard or on the porch surrounding it. It was a beautiful night, and the moon was close to full with a clear halo surrounding it. There was not a cloud in the sky and I looked up at the stars trying to find the constellations that I knew.

"There's Orion the hunter," I said, pointing up towards the sky.

""Yes, the hunter that captivated Artemis herself, and was slain by the goddesses twin Apollo fearing for his sister's Chastity."

"And Artemis raised him to the sky so that no would forget him."

We lapsed into silence again. He turned to say something to me, and I turned to say something to him, and somehow, instead of actually saying anything Severus kissed me. Surprised, I let him. Encouraged, he pulled me towards him and wrapped one arm around me and buried the other in my hair. The kiss deepened, and I leaned into him suddenly feeling as if I couldn't get close enough. Kissing him back with as much longing as he kissed me with, I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Severus," I breathed.

And abruptly as it had begun, the kiss ended. He stepped back and looked down at me, his posture rigid.

"Hermione… I…." He swore ardently. "I have to go."

He reached down and caressed my cheek gently in his hands. Then he swore once more. Severus' face clouded with emotions I dared not to name, and turned on his heel walking away from me down the hallway. As he faded from my view I echoed his sentiments, swearing viciously at myself. When would I learn when not to speak! With a sigh I turned around and entered the ball, walking back over to where Draco and Ginny were standing and smiled at them.

"Where did your mystery man go?" Ginny asked.

"He had to go, apparently." I said stiffly. "I don't think he wanted to unmask himself. After all it's almost midnight."

Right as I finished speaking, the clock began to strike midnight. Draco looked at Ginny, smiling.

"Ready?"

Ginny took a deep breath, and nodded. "Ready as I'm likely to be. Ron's going to have kittens."

Laughing, Draco leaned over and whispered the counter charm to remove her mask, and pulled it back slowly. Then he leaned over and kissed her. Quite a few heads turned in their direction when they noticed them, and I heard quite a few angry and shocked whispers. Many of them were quite rude.

"Ignore then, Ginny. What they say doesn't matter to me."

Ginny had tuned quite pink from a comment from a nearby woman from the ministry about the destitute state of her family. "They'll learn to keep their mouths shut or they'll see the business end of my wand more then they'd like to."

We all laughed.

"Ginevra Weasley! What do you think you're doing?" Ron shouted, echoing throughout the great hall."

Resignation on our faces we turned towards the direction Ron was shouting from, completely unsurprised to see his face beet Red. Heads turned to follow him as he went, ministry people as well as fellow students. Ron had his wand out, and Harry was not far behind him. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the Slytherins around us were slowly edging closer to our sides. I smiled. Apparently the entire house completely approved of Ginny. We had backup. Ron only had Harry and his big mouth.

"Have your eyes gone, Ronald," growled Ginny, "along with what was left of your mind. You're making an even bigger idiot of yourself then normal."

"Me?" he raged. "What do you think you're doing kissing Malfoy like that and dancing with him all night? My own sister! You've been pawing over him all evening!"

"I think you had best shut your mouth Weasley." said Blaise, walking over to stand beside Draco. "Before you say something you regret."

If it was possible, Ron's face became even redder. "I don't need bloody advice from you. You're just another traitorous bastard."

Blaise's hand clenched a little tighter around his wand.

"Ginny, really," said Harry, "I thought you had better sense then this. It's bad enough that Hermione has made herself into Slytherin's whore, but you're better then that."

"Excuse me?" I growled, getting more pissed off by the second.

"You heard him, traitorous slut!" said Ron, coming closer. "Come on Ginny, Now. You're getting away from that bastard this instant. Or have you forgotten how he taunted you all last year and every year before that?"

I stepped between Ron and Ginny. "Now listen here, you bloody prat…" I began, but before I could say anything else, Ron shoved me away, knocking me to the floor and grabbed Ginny's arm.

"That hurts Ron, let go."

"I said get away form him Ginny, no do what I told you."

"She said let go of her, Weasley. If I were you, I'd listen." Said Draco.

"Get away from my sister Malfoy," Ron spat, pulling out his wand.

Ron opened his mouth, clearly hoping to hex Malfoy, but before he could get so much as a syllable out a chorus of spells knocked him ass of head and into Harry, who had gotten a barrage of curses sent his way as well. They were a mess. Both of them had antlers, Ron had Canary feathers, and Harry was bright blue. They each seemed to be hit with a combination of at least 3 curses that merged together.

I looked them over and laughed. "Which curse did you use," I asked Ginny.

"Bat-Bogey hex. You?"

"Canary Charm from Fred and George's crèmes."

"I snuck in the Jelly legs curse and the color changing curse." said Blaise."

Draco just grinned a bit evilly. "You don't want to know which one I used but they won't find it until later."

"That leaves a few curses from other people." I looked at Ginny, whose arm had a dark purple hand mark on it. "Oh, Ginny let's take you to the Infirmary."

"I'm fine Hermione, really."

Draco frowned. "No, you're not. That bloody bastard is going to wish he never did that."

"Draco, I'm sure that he already is." She said laughing.

"Still, you need to get that looked at. If you don't want to explain that to Madame Pomfrey I have a salve in my rooms that will do the trick."

She looked relieved. "That sounds better."

We all turned and walked out of the great hall behind us, knowing that the teachers were on their way over to help sort Ron and Harry out. It would be best if we could make ourseves scarce for a while….

* * *

Author's Notes:

Sorry about the wait, things got rather busy for a while. Hope it was worth it! I've been working on this one for a while and I finally got over my writer's block. Hope you enjoy!

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

* * *

Read and Review!


	33. Chapter ThirtyThree

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter ThirtyThree

* * *

"Sensation washes over me, I can't describe it  
Pain I felt so long ago, I don't remember  
Tear a hole so I can see my devastation  
Feelings from so long ago, I don't remember

Blind your eyes to what you see you can't embrace it  
Leave it well enough alone and don't remember  
Cut your pride and watch it bleed, you can't deny it  
Pain you know you can't ignore, I don't remember

Holding on, to let them know what's given to me  
To hide behind the mask this time  
And try to believe"

Remember, By Disturbed

* * *

I stood swearing and pacing in front of my fireplace back in my rooms, with only the light of the fire to see by. I ran over to a small cabinet in the corner of my living chambers, and took out the bottle of Ogden's Firewhisky that I had been into quite often lately. Looking at my glasses, I rejected them instantly. All of them were far too small. I pulled the top from the bottle and took a long hearty swig from the bottle itself instead and resumed my pacing.

She had _known_ that it was me the entire time. She had completely willingly kissed me. I had completely and knowingly kissed at _student_. I was in so much trouble that I couldn't begin to describe it. I paused and stared at the mantelpiece distractedly. When was it that she figured out my identity? She couldn't have known immediately could she have? I resumed my pacing.

* * *

"Attacking your fellow students, from your own house nonetheless, is completely improper! And during an event with half of the ministry present! As Head Girl you should know better then that! What were you thinking! Hermione, I am at a loss with what I should do with you and Miss Weasley. At first I excused your behavior considering the difficulties that you went through this summer. Now I find myself wishing that I had put a stop to this before now. This is out of control."

I sank further into the chair with a groan, wishing fervently that I was anywhere but here at the moment, sending a glance to Ginny sitting beside me. She grimaced, making a motion as if to hang herself with her hands. Professor McGonagall had been on this tirade for about a half hour now.

"Well," she said, "what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I should think that perhaps you ought to be grateful of our firsthand demonstration to the ministry on the charm and DADA skills that we have acquired during our years at Hogwarts as well as the remarkable display of the effects of mixing some many of them together at once can produce when combined together," I plastered a bored expression on my face and drawled with disdain.

I heard Ginny stifle a giggle beside me, and continued to look bored and unconcerned with the entire matter. McGonagall's eye widened and she opened and closed her mouth looking amazingly fishlike for a few minutes. I was mildly impressed with myself when I saw the vein twitching in her temples. It really wasn't all that difficult to manipulate other people's emotions.

"Minerva, peace, I will take care of this matter herein," said the Headmaster walking up the stairs and into his office."

"Very well then, Albus," she huffed indignantly, and then turned and stiffly walked form the room.

The headmaster let out a great sigh as he looked over his half moon spectacles at us. He looked old today. "I am disappointed in the both of you. However, as I understand it you did not start this matter. Ron and Harry provoked you."

Ginny rubbed her arm where it was still bruised from Ron's hand, and Dumbledore's sharp eyes caught the movement. She had shown it to me earlier and I had been disgusted with the severity of it. A howler was sure to arrive for one of then the minute Molly Weasley heard of the incident. The Weasley temper was something of a legend among those who knew them, and Molly Weasley had one of the worst tempers in the family. Some said that their temper was a reflection of the red hair, but I rather thought it was the other way around. It was as if their tempers were so powerful that they had to be expressed one way or another at all times or else the Weasley's would burst from it.

"Harry really didn't do anything, but then again neither of us cursed him personally. He just had the unfortunate luck to be in the wrong place at the right time and I'm afraid several of our Slytherin friends took it upon themselves to take advantage of that."

He nodded sagely. "I know that you yourself cannot control the actions of others, but I as well expected better of you then that. You are Head Girl after all, and that leaves it to you to set an example to the rest of the student body."

"I won't apologize. After what he said, Ron deserved it. I am sure that you, along with the rest of the people present in the great hall, heard him quite clearly."

"I understand, Miss Granger. However, you do understand of course that you will have to be punished. There must be punishment for your actions. One hundred points will be deducted from both Gryffindor and Slytherin. Twenty-five points will be taken from Slytherin each for Blaise and Draco's actions, as well as 50 points due to the actions of the rest of the upper classmen. You and Miss Weasley, as well as Harry and Ron will each loose 25 points for your actions as well."

"I understand sir."

"You both may go now."

Ginny and I quickly got up and left the office, glad to finally be out of that room after sitting there for the past few hours.

"Actually, we made out pretty good all in all you know," I said, looking over my shoulder to Ginny.

"Yea, when Professor McGonagall finally got of her high horse, that is. Bloody hell Hermione, she sure has it in for you now."

"Don't forget, you're now on her list for simply associating with me and other Slytherins," I laughed. "She's a hypocrite. All of her talk about interhouse unity and she's aghast that we could possibly want to associate with Slytherins."

"That's true enough. She seems to think we're tainted by association with them."

I stopped smiling. "No Ginny, I know that any taint I bear has nothing to do with the Slytherins at all."

She frowned at me. "You'll have to talk about it eventually Hermione.

"Eventually is not today. Don't worry; I do talk about it if not to you. I just don't want to share. It's very personal and I've told all I'm truly willing to tell at this point." She raised her eyebrows in question. "Severus, Ginny, I talk to Severus about everything."

"You know I almost feel a little put out that you're willing to talk to him and not me."

"I can't explain it Ginny. He and I connect on some level and I know that he understands this better then you would. He has, after all, grown up dealing with many of the darker sides of human nature then you are prepared to deal with. You might understand on some level, but Severus _knows_. Like I said I can't really explain it you'll just have to trust me."

"I do, Hermione, if I didn't I wouldn't be talking with Draco right now and I defiantly would be missing out there. He really is a good person once you get past the façade he presents to the rest of the world."

"Told you, didn't I."

"And I'm glad you did too."

"I have some things I want to do so I'll have to just catch up with you later, okay? I'll see you around Ginny," I said, waving as I turned the corner.

After walking aimlessly for a few minutes, I turned and made my way down towards the dungeons. Severus Snape and I had to have a long talk before either of us picked up our tails and ran.

* * *

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne


	34. Chapter ThirtyFour

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter ThirtyFour

* * *

"down to the earth i fell with dripping wings  
heavy things won't fly and the sky might catch  
on fire and burn the axis of the world that's why i  
prefer a sunless sky to the glittering and stinging  
in my eyes i feel so light this is all i want to feel  
tonight i feel so light tonight and the rest of my  
life gleaming in the dark sea i'm as light as air  
floating there breathlessly when the dream  
dissolves i open up my eyes i realize that  
everything is shoreless sea a weightlessness is  
passing over me everything is waves and stars  
the universe is resting in my arms"

Tonight and the Rest of my Life, By Nina Gordon

* * *

Checking the clock I saw that it was only one-thirty, and I knew that Severus would still be awake in his chambers. I walked with purpose down the halls to the dungeons with my heart in my throat and my pulse hammering in my chest. I was barely aware of where I walked and it was amazing that I managed to get there without walking into anyone in the halls. Lost in my own mind it was a shock when I stopped and saw the door to Severus' private chambers before me. With hands that were sweating with nervousness, I raised my hand to knock on the door.

But I couldn't manage to bring that hand down to knock. I just couldn't do it.

With a will of its own my fist stopped in mid air and I stood there staring at that door completely barren of all coherent thought. I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds trying to calm myself down, but I couldn't help but wonder if I had any right to be here, at this door, with such insignificant reasons as I had. Swearing viciously I turned away from the door and walked across the hall banging my fist against it before laying my forehead on the cool stones in attempt to think this through a bit more.

This man meant something to me and I didn't want to lose that man. I had lost so much already, so many people and friends already, that I didn't think I could bear to lose anyone else. I didn't want to push him away and I truthfully didn't know what I really wanted from him at this point in time. There was no denying that I was attracted to him. What I was concerned about was if I wanted him because he was him or simply because he was there? At least I could be certain that I was not attracted to him because he the 'easy way out.' There was no question of that being a possibility with his background and his formidable personality.

I was scared. I was beyond scared; I was absolutely terrified. The thought of opening myself up to him and taking the chance at being hurt horrified me beyond belief. Could I handle one more wound? Was I worth anything to him? Was there anything about me worth caring about, anything worth taking a chance on?

Not only that, but what I wanted to ask of him might prove to be too much to ask of him. Despite the fact that I was of age because of the use of the time turner in my third year there was still a stigmatism attached to any student-teacher relationship even once that student graduated. This man had suffered through so much. What right did I have to ask him to take a chance on somebody as unworthy as I was? I paced back and forth in the hallway silently at war with myself for what seemed like hours, unaware that within his chambers Severus was having a similar battle with himself as he sat before the fire.

* * *

The fire glared at me. I glared right back. The whiskey bottle called to me and I happily gave in, draining the last of its contents before throwing the bottle into the fire. I didn't even bother to cover my eyes as the glass shattered and the fire flared as it devoured the few drips of alcohol that had remained in the bottle.

"Accio Firewhiskey."

My fifth twenty ounce bottle whipped through the air from my counter to my fingertips. Popping the cap off with my thumb I to another long swig out of the bottle and wiped my mouth on the back of my sleeve. Perhaps this bottle would rend me senseless, a state I would welcome gratefully.

I had moved beyond the fact that Hermione had undoubtedly kissed me willingly. I had moved past speculation on whether or not she was under any type of coercion. Sanity had already been questioned, both hers and my own. Logic defied me, and I decided to meditate on disbelief for the time being. Fifth bottle draining fast, I stared into the fire once more and allowed my mind to wander.

I was not a handsome man. I never had been. Hermione was able to reach me on an academic and philosophical level that few managed to reach, and beyond that it was such a casual accomplishment for her that it left me breathless. The intelligence that she held rivaled my own. Given patient guidance, hell even left to her own devices, that girl would be a force to be reckoned with a few years. How could a girl, no woman, with her intelligence possibly want with a man like me? Why me, a known death eater with a personality appalling enough to drive even the most vigilant away?

She had everything going for her. I couldn't ask her to give all of that away and see where whatever this was headed. No woman had made me feel like this since before I joined Voldemort's ranks. Lust was easily ignited, and just as easily suppressed and controlled. This was more then mere lust, but what it exactly was I did not know. Her mind mesmerized me. Hermione's quick wit and sharp humor surprised me many times, and often enough I had found myself at a loss for words from her comments. She had always seemed so innocent and pure, yet some of the things to come out of the chit's mouth were unabashedly vulgar and wicked that I was often unsure of left form right. Hermione surprised me and amazed me.

I wasn't worth enough for a woman like that to truly be interested in me. Even if things went well for a few years she would inevitably wake up one morning and find herself saddled next to an old man with years wasted. She would want somebody younger then myself. Hermione deserved somebody who was younger, somebody who had a slate far clearer then mine.

I paused, thinking that I had heard a faint knocking sound coming from my door but dismissed it out of hand. It was just after two in the mourning. Nobody would be visiting my chambers at this ungodly hour. A few moments later I head the sound again, louder and more determined. Growling to myself I stood up and staggered towards the doorway. I was not a happy man.

* * *

"What the hell do you want," Severus roared in my face as he opened the door. I gagged as the smell of alcohol filled my nose. His eyes, which were quite glazed, cleared a bit in surprise when he realized it was me standing there. He stood staring at me for a moment and I could see that he was at war with himself about what he should do.

I solved his problem for him by gently pushing him backwards and walking into his chambers, closing the door behind me. Turning to him I sighed.

"You're absolutely pissed, aren't you." It wasn't a question. The man could barely stand on his own two feet.

"Not yet, let me finish another bottle and I will be." Severus slurred.

"I wanted to talk to you but I don't know that it's worth it with you like this."

"Talk away, Hermione, I'm not going anywhere with the room spinning like it is."

I glared at him. "Just how many bottles have you had of that shite?"

"Accio Firewhiskey." Another bottle flew to his hand and I noticed he didn't have his wand anywhere near him. As pissed as he was he still could perform wandless magic flawlessly. "Six now."

I walked over to him and pushed him down into the nearest chair, yanking the bottle out of his hand. "Severus Snape this stops now!" I threw the bottle into the fire, jumping as the fire nearly scorched my eyebrows off. "I can't talk to you when you're like this dammit!"

He sighed and buried his head in his hands. "Hermione I can't do this, not right now please."

"If not now then when." I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "If I leave and we wait until later you'll find excuses to keep putting it off. I know better."

"When did you get to know me so well," he said smiling crookedly. My returning smile was equally crooked. "Besides there is nothing to discuss, it was a mistake and nothing more."

I was not surprised to find tears coming to my eyes. "I see." I said coldly, looking away from him and into the fire over my shoulders. I would not cry in front of him. I wouldn't.

"No I don't think you do, Hermione." He said softly. "You have too much going for you to be saddled with an old man like myself. You deserve better. Find somebody your own age who can meet you on your level."

My laughter was harsh in my own ears. "There isn't another man who can meet me on my own level, especially not one my age. I don't know any men my own age, only boys who think they know the read world when all they know is a playing field. They don't see the world as I do. They don't understand."

"I'm an old man Hermione!" he yelled, standing. "I was one of Voldemort's right-hand-men! You can do better then me. You aren't thinking strait or you would know that. You don't want eis nothing between us, there will be nothing between us, and it is better this way!"

My temper flared. It was late and I was exhausted, mentally and physically. "Don't you dare presume to know what is best for me! I know my own bloody mind!" I walked to him and glared up in his face poking my finger firmly into his chest to accentuate each of my words. "I know what I want Severus and what I want is you!"

Our breathing was ragged and we panted. His face was inches from my own. I stared at him for several minutes. I saw the pain in his eyes, and assumed it was because he knew that he was going to hurt me. I looked down and when I spoke the words were barely a whisper. "I care about you Severus. I know I'm nothing special, and never will be. I'm not a beautiful woman, but I thought that wouldn't matter to you. I can see that this was a mistake, I guess you were right. I'm not worth it."

I tried to turn away, but swearing Severus turned me back towards him. Gently, his hands moved to cradle my face gently and lifted it up so that I was looking in his eyes once more.

"You're going to be the end of me woman," he muttered, and then his lips were on mine.

I had kissed a few times before but it was nothing like this. The taste of the firewhiskey on his lips burned my own as he assaulted them. When his tongue licked my lips seeking entrance I opened my mouth to him willingly. Severus' hands went from cupping my face to buried in my hair. He was intoxicating. He deepened the kiss, and pulled me up against his body. Cupping my ass, he pulled our bodies together and I gasped as I felt his erection against my thigh.

Taking advantage of my breathlessness Severus grabbed the hair at the base of my neck and pulled my head back exposing my throat to him. Growling, Severus caressed my throat with his lips, his tongue, and then his teeth. He bit me hard, but not hard enough to leave a mark or break the skin. Crushing my body against his with one arm, the other hand began to unlace my bodice and then gently cupped my breast. His fingers toyed with my nipples until they hardened, and then he bent his lips to caress then with his tongue and his teeth. If he had not been holding me I would have fallen to the floor. My knees buckeled and I let out a strangled cry of pleasure.

"Severus." I moaned.

And he stopped instantly, pushing me back and almost knocking me over. Then just as swiftly he grabbed me and pulled me back against him and burying his head in my now disheveled hair firmly.

"I... I'm sorry Hermione," he said breathlessly.

"Don't you dare apologize for that," I snapped, "or I'll curse you."

"I just meant that I shouldn't have gone as far as quick as that if I wasn't absolutely pissed right now."

"Do I look like I'm complaining?"

"I don't want to feel as if I took advantage of you, Hermione." He sighed. "I don't want to overpower you. If anything happens, it must happen equally on both sides."

Severus pulled me forward as he walked with me over to his couch. He sat down and motioned for me to make myself comfortable. I settled down in his lap and he pulled me close cradling me against his chest.

"You make me feel safe and protected when you hold me like this, Severus. I feel as if nothing bad could ever reach me here so long as you're there." We sat in silence for a long time. "What next?"

"We'll think of something Hermione. I won't let you go, not if I can help it."

"Good."

I fell asleep cradled in his didn't let go, not once, all night long.

* * *

Blessed Be

Raven Lynne

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW!!! **


	35. Chapter ThirtyFive

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

* * *

Chapter ThirtyFive

* * *

"Miss independent. Miss self-sufficient.  
Miss keep your distance. Miss unafraid.  
Miss out of my way. Miss don't let a man interfere, no.  
Miss on her own. Miss almost grown.  
Miss never let a man help her off her throne.  
So, by keeping her heart protected, she'd never ever feel rejected  
Little miss apprehensive said ooh, she fell in love.

Misguided heart. Miss play it smart.  
Miss if you want to use that line you better not start, no.  
But she miscalculated, she didn't want to end up jaded.  
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love.  
So, by changing her misconceptions she went in a new direction.  
And found inside she felt a connection, She fell in love."

Miss Independent, Kelly Clarkson.

* * *

The dawn came, as it does day after day, and I was terrified of what morning might bring. I woke cocooned in warmth and woke with the unusual feeling of safety and contentedness. It was a feeling I was afraid I could easily get used to. Severus had picked me up and carried me to his bed sometime during the night and I was facing his chest cradled securely in his arms. Vaguely, I realized that I was no longer in my costume and wondered how I had ended up in the comfortable pair of silk boxers and camisole top and wondered how and when that had happened.

For once I had woken before him, and it took the chance to study his features which were softened greatly by sleep. With that nose his face would never be what you could call handsome, but he had character. Besides, what kind of person would I be if I was looking for a man who attracted me with his looks alone? Beauty faded and withered in time, and I wanted something that would last and only grow stronger as the years passed me by.

Morning. Sunday morning. That meant that tomorrow was Monday, which would bring classes and homework. On Monday I would once again be a student who was having a relationship with her professor. It was true that I was of age due to my time turner use, but I was still his student. Even for those who had not developed sexual relationships with their teachers until long past their graduation were speculated about by the gossips and found themselves facing prejudices.

I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to face the day. Today didn't worry me, but I was terrified of what tomorrow might bring. As if knowing my feelings, Severus' arms tightened about me and pulled me closer to him. That decided it. For now, I would sleep and pretend that tomorrow would not come.

It was much later when I woke up again, but the room was still dark. Hands traced sensuous patterns in my back, the silk of my top tickling my skin. I sighed deeply and looked up to see Severus staring down at me with an uncertain smile on his face. I reached my hand up and tucked the hair falling into his face behind his ear, allowing my hand to linger on his cheek.

"Morning Hermione. Feel like running away from the "big bad wolf?"

"Depends on what that wolf would like to do with me."

"As the fairy tale goes, the wolf intends to devour you, especially now that morning has come and he finds that last night was not a terribly cruel dream." He chuckled huskily, and brought his lips down to my ear to bite the lobe gently, making my breath come faster and my heart pound. "However, the way I intend to devour you would shock the writer of that fairy tale."

My breath caught and I didn't know what to say or do, I simply looked up at him feeling almost helpless. "Severus…I…"

His hand cupped my chin and turned my face so that I was looking him in the eyes once more. "Tell me truly though, last night was no dream? You meant everything you said even now that morning has come? You want me , despite everything?"

"I want you Severus, perhaps even more knowing that you're human. Your past makes you the man you are today and I respect that man wholeheartedly. That man makes my heart pound in my chest with the way that he looks at me."

He sighed, his breath shaking him, and I realized that he had been holding it waiting to hear what I had to say. My heart went out to him at that moment and I was afraid to realize that it probably already belonged to him at that moment. Our friendship was strong as it could be under circumstances and I knew then that I wanted to know everything about him, and that I wanted to share all about myself as well. Unable to say anything more, I closed my eyes and kissed him gently.

At first he did not respond, but I ignored that hoping it was simply shock. Soon I felt his lips soften under mine, and he shifted on the bed attempting to lay me under him. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back, a little more roughly then I had intended. Hesitantly I leaned over him and took the lead of this kiss. He had said he wanted things to proceed evenly on both ends of this relationship if it was going to be, and I wanted to be in control of him this time.

His eyes showed his surprise at my actions, but that didn't stop me. He slept topless and I took a moment to admire his chest, splaying my hands from his heart out and rubbing them down to his stomach tantalizingly slow before moving them back to his shoulders again. From his shoulders my hands traced their way to his arms, and I put my hands around his and placed them above his head.

I climbed on top of him and straddled his waist, careful not to allow and part of my body excluding my legs to touch his. I muttered a charm under my breath and his hands were stuck above his head. I ignored the surprise in his eyes and covered his lips with mine once more, ignoring the invitation as his mouth opened, and kept my kisses feathery and light upon his face. I wanted to know that I could make him want me as fiercely as I ached for him.

My lips drifted from his lips and across his cheek to his ear, kissing and nibbling my day down his neck, across his collar bone and down to his chest. My hands and nails traced my way across every part of him that I could reach, alternately gentle and rough. Cautiously I took his nipple into my mouth and licked it, flicking my tongue across it, taking a very gentle nibble, and sucking lightly only to be rewarded with a hiss of indrawn breath from my victim as his back rose up from the bed. I moved my lips across his chest to the other side and traced my way back up to his lips.

I was lost when my lips touched his, for I had excited myself as much as, if not more then, Severus. I didn't even notice when Severus broke the charm I had placed on his hands with a growl and crushed me to him, grinding firmly into me. Arching against him, I cried out his name as my body became frantic with need. Severus made a triumphant sound and flipped us so that he was lying fully on top of me, and my body writhed beneath him at the feeling of his weight pressing into mine.

Severus pulled back long enough to rip the camisole over my head and to throw it to the floor, and his lips were branding mine once more. He had not been lying when he said he wished to devour me, because while my touch had been teasing and gentle, his was full of rough passion that took me places I had never been. His lips devoured my upper body and I lost the ability think, unable to do anything but feel.

When his lips brushed my belly button and I felt his fingers tugging on my bottoms I was shocked into thought and I instantly stiffened in his arms. Feeling the change, he stopped and lay down beside me in the bed still holding me in his arms. He kissed my neck gently.

"What is it Hermione?" he asked breathlessly.

I whimpered, still on fire with need. "I… I've never allowed anyone to…nobody has ever… except when…" I closed my eyes tightly and clung to him, burying my face into his chest as I shuddered. The memories still hurt, and I had not truly faced them yet. My voice was barely a whisper when I found the strength to say what I must. "The only memory I have of anything more is when my father," I chocked on the words. "When my father…. He took my virginity Severus. My _father_ did."

I couldn't help it I just started crying in his arms and Severus held me to him, kissing my tears as they fell from my eyes. Where he had been passionate before, now Severus was tender, and I allowed him to take my mind away from the thoughts that has arisen.

"And he didn't get half of what he deserved for it," Severus growled, "and I am glad to know that you now feel comfortable to tell me the whole truth from your own lips. I will not push you before your ready, but I will not deny how much I want you. If you trust me, I'll give you new memories to erase the old ones and we can start anew. You don't know how much it hurts me to know that you have such pain inside of you. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"I want you too Severus, but I'm scared." I choose my words carefully and spoke slowly to be sure that I said exactly what I meant. "He hurt me, and its still there lurking in my mind. I think I _need_ you to give me more memories to erase the ones I have, but I also need you to go slow. Though at this rate I'm not sure how long that is going to last. We've gotten extremely close since I moved to Hogwarts and I don't want to loose that. I'm ready for more then just kisses, but I'm not sure that I can handle more then what we've already begun."

He nodded. "I understand completely. You say the word and I'll stop, no matter how much I won't want to. That I can promise you Hermione."

"Thank-you. Now do me a favor will you? Shut up and hold me for a while."

He laughed huskily and pulled me closer to him and the feeling of safety and content slowly returned. I'm not sure how long we lay there like that, it may have been only ten minutes but it felt like hours. I was close to sleep when his voice in my ear startled me wide awake again.

"I'm starving Hermione, as much as I don't want to move we need to get out of bed and eat something. Why don't you use the floo in my fireplace and go back to your rooms to shower and dress for the day. When you come back here I'll have done the same and lunch will be waiting for us. I'm afraid it is past eleven at this moment and we have quite overslept breakfast."

My stomach growled quite loudly then and there and we both laughed heartily. "That sounds like a good idea to me, Give me forty minutes and I'll be back."

I was suddenly shy as I realized I was still topless and I blushed as I climbed out of the bed over to where my top had landed on the floor, pulling it on as I hurried from his soft laughter. I was showered and standing naked before my bed looking at several different outfits fifteen minutes later. I wasn't sure what to wear. I wanted to look sexy but soft and pretty and was having a hard time deciding which outfit best portrayed my mood.

Finally I settled on a soft hunter green off the shoulder peasant blouse with a chunky brown belt over a long ruffled and layered gauzy brown skirt. I charmed my hair so it fell in soft ringlets down my back and pulled it into a half-up so that my hair would stay out of my face. An abalone necklace on brown leather cord and matching earrings completed the set and I decided that I was ready. With a stomach full of nerves I entered the floo once more.

Over lunch we were going to have to talk about what we would do about our relationship and how we were going to make this work. It was a conversation that I was not looking forward to.

* * *

**Please Read and Review!!!**

* * *

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne


	36. Chapter ThirtySix

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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Chapter Thirty-Six

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"I'm nobody! Who are you?  
Are you nobody, too?  
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!  
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!  
How public, like a frog  
To tell your name the livelong day  
To an admiring bog!"

I'm a nobody, who are you, by Emily Dickenson

* * *

I stared into the fireplace with a pinch of floo powder in my hands unable to do anything but stare blankly into the empty fireplace. How on earth was this going to work? I wasn't anything special to look at, and I was much younger then Severus. I was far from being his intellectual equal; the man had far too much experience to go with the knowledge he had gained that I could not hope to match simply due to my age. I… I stopped and shook myself. Fear and self-doubt would get me nowhere. I bit my lip and closed my eyes tightly, taking a deep shuddering breath.

How many times had I stopped and lived a little less because of my fears? How many times had I looked into the mirror and allowed what I didn't see and what I did see to keep me from living the way I wanted. Fears of how others would se and think of me had held me back time and time again. Was I going to let that same fear keep me from possible love once more? Did I dare to control my fears and live my own life for my own sake? Even more importantly, did I dare to let my fear control me once again?

Once you stop and let yourself doubt, even once, it can be habit forming. Allowing yourself to stop living your life for you and giving in to what others want for you starts a pattern if you are not careful. If you are a naturally shy person this makes it even harder to speak up for yourself. Habits are taught. Ways of life are taught. My parents had never been ones to encourage me into developing my own opinions. In fact, it was hammered into me over and over again that I did not know what was best for me and that I did not know what I wanted and that my opinion mattered very little in life, if at all. That was the way I grew up, and as a shy and emotionally abused child it didn't take much for me to accept it when the other children at school reinforced those beliefs.

I had changed my appearance for myself, to make a stand on who and what I was and to help to prove to myself that I could. I changed my appearance knowing that how you appear and how you dress can affect how you act and your attitude. Even something so simple as the large but thin hoop earrings that had almost become a signature of my appearance contributed to the "attitude" described by my appearance. Appearances, however, are easily altered. Habits are much harder to break, but I would not allow them to control me any longer.

Feigning courage, I threw the Floo powder into the fireplace and shouted my destination. I stepped in with the grim determination that my fear would not rule my life any longer. I only hoped that it truly was courage pushing me forward, and not a complete lack of common sense and self-preservation.

The aroma of good food was overwhelming when I walked back into Severus' quarters. Severus was already sitting at the table taking in my appearance with hungry eyes while he waited for me. Smiling almost shyly I sat down across from him, wanting to avoid his eyes but unable to. It was like a drug, having him look at me that way, and it did wonderful things to his appearance when his smile reached all the way to his eyes.

"I'm afraid you'll have to indulge me, Hermione," he said with a knee-melting smile, "I told you that I would have lunch waiting for you, but I'm afraid that I decided I would rather have breakfast fare instead."

He opened the tray to reveal two trays with thick and delicious looking waffles with an assortment of berries covered in whipped cream. There were also eggs, hash browns, and thick strips of bacon. My mouth watered just looking at it.

"I do believe, that I can live with this."

He simply laughed at the enraptured expression on my face. Needless to say, our brunch was rather silent...

Hours later I shifted uncomfortable in my seat; we still hadn't talked. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was nearing six o'clock, and we both needed to make an appearance in the great hall for our evening meal. I knew that Ginny would be dying for me to dish, and if I didn't show up for another meal she would also be worried.

"Severus" "Hermione"

We looked at each other and laughed nervously, having both spoken at the same time. I sighed deeply, and he smiled half-heartedly.

"We need to talk, Severus."

"Indeed we do Hermione."

I stood up and walked over to where he was pacing in front of the fire, and wrapped my arms around his waist and was grateful to feel his arms pull me close to him. I snuggled into his chest as much as I could. His touch comforted me; he enabled me to find peace from somewhere deep inside myself and embrace it. I didn't want to loose that feeling but I also knew that it could become addictive.

"What are we going to do Severus?" I asked softly, barely speaking above a whisper. "I'm still your student and that makes this wrong, no matter how much either of us may want it."

"I know, my Hermione, believe me I know." He sighed deeply and buried his face in my hair. "I don't want your image to be tainted if word of this were to get out."

"I hate to say this Severus, but I think we should remain just friends until I graduate this spring. It's not that far away… I couldn't give up being able to hold you, but I could be content with that and no more. It's not just your kisses that make me care for you, but your company as well."

"You are right, and that was what I was going to say as well, but I was unsure of how you would take the idea."

"You know that I'm an intelligent woman, Severus, or at least I would hope that you did. I also care too much for you to allow whatever could and is between us to ruin your career as well."

I looked up into his face, smiling softly, only to have his mouth capture mine in a sweet and lingering kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him.

"I wouldn't object to that once and a while, though." I said with a laugh as I toyed with his hair.

"I should hope not."

The clock chimed. With a groan I stepped back. "I should probably go back up to my chambers through the floo and head to dinner from there. I wouldn't want any tongues to start wagging."

"That would be best."

He didn't try to touch me again as I left, though we both wanted to embrace once more. Both of us knew that if he touched me, I would not leave for quite some time yet and we would be dining by ourselves in his quarters again. Determined to leave, I turned around and stepped into the fireplace.

"About time you got back, I was starting to worry about you."

I groaned. I had forgotten that I had given Ginny access to my chambers. I would have to remember that.

"Don't give me that… So dish already woman! What the hell happened last night! Did you bang him?"

"Ginny!" I gaped, surprised by her bluntness. Usually she managed more tact.

"Well that's a no. Good. I was afraid that you would. And as happy as I am for you and can tell that Professor Snape is good to you, I didn't not want to think about the snarky potions master that I know snogging and shagging my best friend." She shuddered dramatically. "No, seriously though, Hermione, I just don't want this to go to fast. He _is_ still your teacher. It will be hard enough on the two of you if you start dating after you leave school you know that. If it were to get out that something other then a teacher-student relationship was going on between the two of you while you were still a student it would be disastrous."

"I know Ginny, that's why we've decided to backpedal things a bit. Neither of us wants to risk that for the other, or for ourselves."

"Good girl. Always knew you were a smart one. Glad to see that you haven't proved me wrong with this."

"Ginny, you're lucky I love you, because if I didn't one of these days I might seriously contemplate your untimely death…"

"I'm lucky? Bloody hell, who else would put up with you, you insufferable know it all bitch?"

"Bite me."

"Any preference as to where?"

"Please, we wouldn't want Draco to get jealous. Better keep it G rated."

"Come on, he'd probably get out the damn popcorn himself and enjoy the show if we let him."

"Men!" we said in unison, both of our tones absolutely disgusted.

Continuing to berate each other, we laughed as we walked down to dinner.

Both of us studiously ignored the Gryffindor table when we arrived in the Great Hall and went directly over to sit with the Slytherins. Despite Ronald's accusations and behavior, most of our housemates seemed to see _us_ as the traitors for talking to the Slytherins. Since our next Quidditch match was against Slytherin this was going to make things very interesting for Ginny. No matter how good Ginny did during the game, they would probably accuse her of not doing as good as she could for the team. Ron and Harry were nowhere to be seen and several Gryffindors could be seen glaring in our general direction.

It amazed me for all that the Gryffindor's considered Slytherins as being treacherous and manipulative, it was the Gryffindor's themselves who had the tendency to turn on members on their own house. They may have different understandings of the word honor then others, but the Slytherins held themselves to that code with a strictness that had surprised me. Once the Slytherins decided that you were one of their own, they protected you and looked out for you for all that they were worth regardless of circumstances. They also had more tact then Ron and Harry could ever hope to possess or hope to understand.

"So Hermione," drawled Draco, "where exactly have you been since the Masque"

"Forget what Hermione was doing, Draco, what the rest of us want to know is where you and Ginny were, and if you were together. We had wondered if the three of you were off doing something, or each other, but you just answered that little question by not asking Ginny what she was up to." Said Blaise curiously.

"Thanks, Blaise, I'll remember that." I said sticking my tongue out at him. "Forget Hermione indeed! Still, I remember a certain somebody asking me where I was, but not dishing her little indiscretions to me!"

By now everyone within hearing distance was quietly waiting for an answer, watching Ginny and Draco. Curiously, neither or them were blushing although they did look a bit sheepish at being caught.

"Yes, we were together," said Ginny, "But no we weren't doing _that_! We both decided that we were better off hiding out in Draco's quarters, which are very large, as you know, and avoiding the rest of my house. You know how those prats can get. I did not want Lavender or Parvati hunting me down for the "gruesome" details, or anyone waving their wands over me attempting to detect some non-existent spell."

"Honestly, don't look so disappointed that the details aren't juicier, Blaise." Draco laughed.

"Aww, but Drakey, you know I had to make sure the path was clear for me. I've harbored secret feelings for you for a long time now and I wanted to make sure I hadn't lost you to some woman." Blaise lunged at Draco, wrapped his arms tightly around Draco's neck, and batted his eyes like a lovesick idiot. "I couldn't keep it to myself any longer, say you'll be mine?"

Ginny just smirked while Draco tried desperately to disentangle himself from Blaise with a disgusted expression across his face. "I don't know if I can compete with that Draco," she said with a pout. "Blaise is just so devoted!"

"In case you were wondering, that's me in the corner over there, hurling. Blaise, don't make me hurt you. Ginny…" Draco leaned over and grabbed Ginny in a passionate kiss while the rest of the table whistled and cheered.

Then we all burst into laughter as a few rather disgusted Gryffindors walked by the table and into the wall. Life was definitely going to get very interesting very quickly. Especially when Ron and Harry were released from the Hospital ward. I watched Ginny and Draco almost enviously, as much as their families would give them a hard time, they at least could openly be a couple. I couldn't wait for the day when I was given that same choice.

* * *

Ginny swore furiously, very shortly she was going to bat-bogey hex somebody into oblivion if not worse! Every bloody female student outside of Slytheirn was absolutely positive that she and Draco were shagging, despite her denials, and wanted all the gruesome details. On top of that they were disgusted that she didn't have anything she wanted to share with any of the stupid bints.

Lavender and Parvati had decided that she just didn't want to share the details and decided it was their responsibility to spread tales about her to anyone who would listen. Gods help them if either of those two came within her line of sight; they were going to be cursed one way or another she just hadn't decided with what yet. If they were able to walk away from her when she was done with them it would be a bloody miracle.

Redheads were notoriously short tempered, and the Weasley family was no exception. Everyone thought she took after her mother in temper, and everyone backed off when her mother let loose. In truth Ginny's temper was more like her father's, he let most things slide and ignored them with ease. When Arthur Weasley finally got peeved enough to let his temper show, it was a cold temper that frightened his children into instant obedience. On his daughter, that temper was even more lethal. The sweeter Ginny smiled, the higher the body count was apt to get.

She looked perfectly sweet and innocent at the moment, with a nice smile plastered on her face. She couldn't wait until lunch… Somebody was going to get it and she was going to enjoy it. A lot.

* * *

Laughing, I turned around and watched Ginny enter the Great Hall. "Blaise, I'll have to talk to you later, right now I've got to get Ginny away from people. Fast."

"Why. What's going on? She looks happy. Hell, she looks like she's had a damn cheering charm cast on her."

"Ya… That's the 'I'm so pissed off I'm that if you breath in my direction the wrong way your going to need a body bag' look." I said as I picked up my bags. "As fun as that could be, we're already in enough trouble right now without starting more."

"Oh. Yea I suppose your right but if you decide it's worth the risk I can point out a few people for you."

"I've got my own list thanks…" I laughed.

I half ran across the great hall and grabbed Ginny's wand hand just in time as she closed in on the Gryffindor table and dragged her from the Great Hall.

"Hermione, you ruin all the fun. " Ginny pouted when we got back up to my chambers and were eating our lunch.

"As much fun as it would have been to watch you humiliate somebody in Gryffindor I thought perhaps you wanted to be able to enjoy a month or so of your life without spending every spare minute of your time with Filch in detention."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose you have a point. "But only just barely..."

"So what's up?"

"Have you heard any of the latest rumors circulating since the Masque?"

"No. I'm sure there are plenty though. Lets see… I'm sure there are several about how I've been corrupted and now they're the Slytherins are trying to corrupt you for their own secret plans because even though Voldemort has been defeated they will always be sinister people. Oh and how many people have assumed you've been seduced and become a whore thanks to Draco? Did I miss any?"

"You forgot that I had Quidditch practice early this morning and that the entire Gryffindor team is giving me the silent treatment convinced that I'll try to loose the game so that Draco can catch the snitch and are assuming I'm in league with them since Harry is the Seeker and Ron is the Keeper."

"Ahh, yes, I had forgotten about quidditch." Ginny looked aghast at my statement. "Well you know I don't like brooms! What did you expect?"

"Same old Hermione despite everything. It's nice to know that some things never change even though others will never be the same again."

"Glad to be of service."

She laughed. "So, are you going to help me get back at Lavender and Parvati for spreading rumors about my supposed sex life with Draco?"

"Sounds fun… How about we…."

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Author's Notes

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Happy New Year!

Hope everyone has a safe and Happy Holiday and that your life is if not good, not as bad as it could get!

Love and Light, and Goddess bless

Raven Lynne

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**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW**

I'll try to be better at updating and am trying to wrap this story up!


	37. Chapter ThirtySeven

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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Author's Note:

This is just a teaser chapter because I have had this written for a month now and have been absolutely unable to figure out what the heck to write next or find time to put into it. I'm moving into my own place so my Internet use will be non-existent except for when I'm at work. I'll be moved by the end of March (unless something else comes up!) so this should get back on track after that!

Blessed Be,  
Raven Lynne

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers!

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Seven

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"When I was just a little girl,  
My mama used to tuck me into bed,  
And she read me a story.  
It always was about a princess in distress  
And how a guy would save her  
And end up with the glory.  
I'd lie in bed and think about  
The person that I wanted to be,  
Then one day I realized  
The fairy tale life wasn't for me.  
I don't wanna be like Cinderella,  
Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,  
Waiting for somebody to come and set me free. (Come and set me free)  
I don't wanna be like someone waiting  
For a handsome prince to come and save me  
I'd rather rescue myself."

Cinderella, By Cheetah Girls

* * *

Fred and George were a wealth of information, although even they were surprised at the new devious me, and even they admitted that teamed together Ginny and I could probably beat them in pranks. We used their gags in whole new ways that they hadn't even thought of, which takes quite an effort to say the least. Here was our plan of action:

1. Apply slightly embarrassing charms to Lavender and Pavarti's entire wardrobe of pants causing flatulence every time they sit, and every time the amount of pressure applied to the pants by sitting changes more then 60. When applied to the clothing the charms are much harder to detect and much harder to locate during scanning because most scanning spells ignore the clothing and scan the body only. If a scan is done, even if done by a teacher, charm only about 10 likely to be located. Flatulence can't be too frequent either, so a 60 pressure change will also make it more embarrassing and less obvious. Every time they reposition themselves to be more comfortable it will make it look as if that was the reason for their discomfort. They will be unable to hear the effects of charm.

2. Dolby will pour a potion into their morning drinks that will cause their hair color to change frequently during the day into random patterns of colors, with random designs and embarrassing comments in it as well as if hair had been stamped. Combined with Mirror charm that causes mirrors to talk back to you with comments on appearance, with a slight alteration to ensure that comments are never complimentary. A second charm will be cast by Ginny and I in the morning as they enter the great hall to ensure that for 24 hours they will not be able to see anything but their normal hair colors. Sticking potion added to their drinks at lunch to ensure that the hair color potion lasts for 72 hours.

3. Any gossip that they attempt to tell to another person will cause their face to break out in acne all over their bodies spelling out various insults on their faces until they either A) admit that they were making it up, and B) honestly compliment that person 3 times. Potion will last for 48 hours, however the effects will last until the conditions have been met. Charm to keep them from seeing the effects of the hair potion was broadened to prevent them from seeing effects of this spell as well.

4. Sit back and enjoy the show!

After making sure that all of our charms and potions were in effect and had been cast correctly Ginny and I did our best to stay away from them for the remainder of the day until lunchtime, where we made sure to get prime seats sitting where we could watch Lavender and Parvati enter the great hall and watch them all lunch long. Sure enough, the snickers followed them all the way into the room and to their tables. People stopped and starred, then started laughing behind hands when it became completely obvious that both of them were completely unaware of their appearances and the noises they made every time they sat and moved.

I was proud to see that Lavender had there break outs on here arms and face spelling out 'tart, bint, and bitch'. Parvati only had one breakout across her entire forehead that read 'Beastly"

After enjoying the spectacle that Lavender and Parvati were making of themselves Draco and Blaise turned and looked at us.

"Cor Hermione! That's bloody bril! How in the blazes did you rig that up?" Blaise said, smiling appreciatively.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side." Commented Draco.

"Ginny helped, Fred and George also had the basics but we altered them a bit."

"Hey Hermione, that potion I their cups might make the other spells last longer as well you know, despite the time limits we originally put into them." Ginny commented thoughtfully.

"Oops," I gasped, placing my hand over my mouth in feigned dismay. Too bad they weren't anything close to gullible or they might have actually believed the sweet and innocent expression on my face. I suppose the mischievous glint in my eyes wasn't helping matters either… I couldn't hold it for long though and grinned. The four of us burst into laughter. It was starting out to be a wonderful day…

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**Please Read and Review!!!**

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	38. Chapter ThirtyEight

The Things We Hide  
By Akasha Ravensong

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"I let you in I let you in and you infected me  
Can't get enough of you  
Can't get enough of you  
I breathed you in I breathed you in and now I'm in too deep  
Don't think I'm pulling through  
Don't think I'm pulling through  
Can't get enough of you  
Can't get enough of you

You're so contagious Running through my veins  
you're so contagious Hangin onto every word  
You're so contagious And I can't get away  
You're so contagious and now I know for sure there is no cure"

Contagious, by Trapt

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Chapter Thirty-Eight

Time passed, as time often does. The winter was a trying period for both Severus and Hermione. Even when one has not come right out and said 'I love you,' it is extremely hard to be around the object of your affection and not be allowed to do more then be in their arms. Or perhaps one must assume that it was possibly worse for both Hermione and Severus because they had not stated said those powerful words to the other, and had no admitted that their feelings ran that deep and true. As anybody in love can attest being in love, un-requited or not, can cause turmoil like nothing else.

Severus was terrified of his feelings for Hermione, but he was terrified of letting her go even more. He spent many sleepless nights lying in bed trying to find some fault with their relationship, and could find none other then the obvious disapproval of others and society at large. He had, overall, never before concerned himself with what other's thought of him. The thought that his past and their relationship would tarnish Hermione's image cause him something akin to physical pain. He knew that she had assured him that she cared not about this, but it was in his nature to beat the problem to death with a proverbial stick before letting it go. A habit which had gotten him swatted a number of times recently. Hermione had good aim.

In turn Hermione was no less, if not more, terrified of her relationship with Severus then he himself was. Their friendship was strong, and he had begun to tell her of his childhood and some of the more horrific scenes that he had endured. Their confidences were no longer one sided, for which Hermione had proved extremely grateful. She had wondered if he would ever truly open up to her, but now there was very little that they did not know about each other. They confided everything, and she was very afraid that if she ever lost him she would fall to pieces.

For all that Hermione wore 'the mask that grins and lies,' and she was in truth still very fragile inside after what had happened to her over the summer. She was determined that Severus would not become her crutch, and that she would not lean on him too much. While it was wonderful knowing that he was there for her, she was doing her best to stand on her own two feet. They could not have any kind of lasting relationship if she depended on him, and she knew this. She thought that she was doing a good job of building herself back up, but it was a difficult balance to maintain.

In contrast, the budding relationship between Draco and Ginny was for the most part carefree and progressing in an entirely different fashion. They had the benefit of being able to be a couple without fear of consequences (except of course from both of their families). They had the open acceptance of the entire Slytherin house, and were able to publicly display their affections for one another. The relationship deepened between them but neither in the same way nor on the same level as the relationship between Hermione and Severus.

To compare the relationships of the two couples would be as drastically impractical as to compare the mating habits of dragons with that of frogs, which is to say that they were entirely different. For one, by nature Ginny was very impish and lived in the moment with cheerful and carefree innocence. She was able to play more freely, and she drew Draco out of his shell.

Severus had all but completely forgotten what it meant to play. There was nothing innocent or carefree about him or his life anymore. Nor even as a child had he been prone to act as most children do, and had always been much more studious by nature. As many could attest to, Hermione was a planner and her manner was more studious. Hermione's first impulse would be to grab a book and curl up. She was a scholar by nature and playing would not be her first option of ways to pass the time.

Thus, when the very nature of the two couples and the differences in the situation between both couples it would be pure folly to attempt to compare the relationship of Draco and Ginny with that of Severus and Hermione. However, both relationships continued and thrived in their own ways as time passed, and both couples were as happy as circumstances allowed. And throughout it all a pair of blue eyes hidden behind half-moon spectacles, that were perched on top of a rather crooked nose, twinkled knowingly with satisfaction.

* * *

Author's Note

I've re-read my story several times and i'm going to consider this story as complete now! I don't want to finalize things because as many of yuo can hopefully understand, love and life go on. There is no finite ending to either. Besides... i'm sure your endings are so much more intersting then mine! Please read and review!

Blessed Be  
Raven Lynne


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